[MyFathersSon]

Written to the tune of Wasteland' by The Mission, feedback appreciated.


Backseat Hero

There's a guy somewhere
He's insignificant
Nobody cares
He's unimportant
No one notices him
As he comes and goes
If he disappeared
No one would know

At the drop of a hat
He's made to look a fool
So he steers clear of that
For fear of ridicule
In confrontations
He will soon retreat
In conversations
He will take a back seat

Backseat Hero
He plays second fiddle
To some cool dude
Who makes him look such a fool

One day he thought
There's going to be a change
A skill he had been taught
Could see that things were rearranged
Contrary to opinion
That he had no nerve
A guitar and an audition
Brought recognition he deserved

Backseat Hero
Is solving his riddle
Bending the rules
And now he is much more cool

Moving on from place to place
He tours with a famous band
Everybody knows his face
No one understands
He's the same guy
He was before
No one tries
To taunt him anymore
He walks tall
Holds his head up high
He never changed at all
Always kept his pride

Backseat Hero
He played second fiddle
To some cool dude
Who made him look such a fool
Backseat Hero
Has solved his riddle
Bending the rules
He is much more and cool

No longer the fool

[hardtwistmusic]

I loved the first three stanzas.  I thought they were incredible.  They were gritty, real sounding, dramatic, and created true empathy for the protagonist.  From there, it all wrapped up too neatly, and turned around too completely to feel real to me.  I'm not sure what to suggest, but I suspect you told too much of the story, and should have left more ambiguity and left us to wonder how it turned out at least a little. 

Now, that's just one person's perspective, and criticism from only one person is of no value.  If you can get others to weigh in, you will have something of value.  Criticism is like evidence.  You need a 'preponderance of evidence' to prove a point.  In the same way, you need a 'preponderance of critical opinions' to be of enough value to consider using the criticism.

[MyFathersSon]

Thanks for the feedback!

I take your point, some people like to have it all laid out and others like to do some working out for themselves. The last part is him living out the result of his audition, maybe joining an established band or becoming successful very quickly in a new band. Either way, he is sticking it to the 'cool dude' who picked on him and tried to drag him down.

Paul