[Sebandme]

Hello everyone! Hope you guys are doing fine!

This is not a new song an old one remade, i originally wrote it  about 18/19 years ago. I was going through my old songs the other day came across it and though id give it a bash.

As always really love to hear you thoughts and feedback!

Listen to Green Eyes (Caught me in the corner) by Sebastian And Me on #SoundCloud
https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/qPRC


GREEN EYES
V1)
You played with my heart,
You played with my mind.
You torn my dreams apart,
You made feel as if i was out of time.

V2)
Tried to wash away the visions of you,
But you aint going nowhere.
I hated it when you spoke the truth,
Because youd know just how much id care.

B1)
Bitter i know, but you had to go.
Get you out of my head
and all things you had said.
You were always to much for me.

V3
Never knew love was made of lies,
Cos i dont feel like I know you.
But you always dressed up to disguise
The love i was to feel was never the truth.

CH1)
Green eyes, caught me in the corner
People kept on saying, i should of known better.
But your green eyes, captured my soul
Burst my heart, and now its tearing me apart.

V4)
How do you expect me to recover
When you're stood in my way
Now you know you're not my lover
I havent got to much to say.

[moraamarolaloba]

Hola @Sebandme

Your classic has taken me out of the afternoon slumber ... Thank you !!!!

Stay safe!

Mora

[pompeyjazz]

Right up my street @Sebandme Love those driving guitars and bass and fabulous vocals. Got a great post punk / indie vibe. Fabulous 

[MonnoDB]

Thought you were Chris Martin for a second !

Fab sound - love that guitar work..

Completely and totally catchy.. the lyrics are great but the melody is the winner for me...

Just an all-round fab song and performance!

HUGE thumbs up!

K

[Sebandme]

@MonnoDB with comments like that youre gonna make me blush ......haha thanks for the listen 😁

[PeteS]

Definitely my sort of thing and I loved it.

A couple of nit picks if I my.  Why does it fade in?  Not sure I like the lead part, a couple of the notes don't seem to fit.

Great chorus and I love your voice.

[CaliaMoko]

I definitely enjoyed this. I do have a couple of nits to pick. Not the same ones as PeteS, though.

1. You indulged in one of my favorite pet peeves. I do make exceptions, depending on how the words and the music flow, but I generally don't like hearing "don't chew" instead of "don't you". And all the variations of that (things like "won't chew", "at chew", "can't chew", etc).

2. There was a place where the words sounded forced into place in an uncomfortable way, like "The love I was to feel....". I tried it myself, so I can tell it can fit in there more smoothly. There were a couple of lesser spots, too, but I'm already far too negative here.

3. I know; I have grammar OCD:  You sing "I should of known better", but it should be "I should have known better".

4. This part:
But your green eyes captured my soul
Burst my heart, and now it's tearing me apart.

If "green eyes" are bursting your heart and all that, then it would be "now they're tearing me apart" because there are two of them.

I left out a couple of grammar things because they really aren't noticeable when you're singing and I've already done too much nitpicking. And, after all that negativity, you probably think I don't like the song. Actually, if that were true, I wouldn't bother. If I don't like a song, I just skip it. So, on to what I like:

1. The melody. So many songs don't have much for melodies. This has one I really like.

2. You do a good job of making the phrase "green eyes" stand out as it should. The chorus has a nice lift and a good contrast against the verses.

3. I'm kind of into prosody and I like the way your word "tearing" goes up to emphasize the trauma indicated by that word.

4. The bridge also contrasts nicely with both the verse and the chorus and provides a little lift, but not as much as the chorus, so it provides good variety and the chorus is still the star of the show.

THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND
These are just my opinions, based on my understanding of songwriting as a craft. I hope you'll find something helpful here, but of course, feel free to ignore the whole thing, if you prefer.

I'm a nitpicker by nature. Just ask other people on this forum. 

[Sebandme]

@PeteS thanks for listening..... the intro .....i not sure why ive chosen to fade it in...In regard to the lead guitar what parts are you referring to, the one after the verse? Or the chorus? Really appreciate your comments.

@CaliaMoko can i just say thank you so much for taking the time to listen and give me all of that brilliant feedback! Im always open to constructive criticism. I will definiatley take what you have said on board and try to be mindful when writing in the future. Again thankyou 😁👍

[PeteS]

Hi @Sebandme the lead break after the first chorus is great but the ones at 0:40 and 1:20 just don't seem quite right.  Could just be me as it does have a sort of grungy vibe to it but the rest of the song doesn't.  Hope that makes sense?  Love the song though!

Cheers

Pete

[Grubstar]

Hi @Sebandme

Very nice guitar driven grungy/indie song with good lyrics and you have a great voice. I too, occasionally like go over old material and  I never throw anything away whether its lyrics in old notebooks,or song ides on a cassette or on my hardrive because you never know when you may come across potential gems like Green Eyes (caught me in the corner) great title by the way.

However, for me I would like to see it developed a bit more as it still sounds a little like a 1st pass demo.and I think the song has great deal of potential and could be really outstanding with a bit more work.Only my opinion but I still enjoyed it.

[Unclenny]

Great rocker! Love that powerful chorus.

I hear what @CaliaMoko is saying about the verbiage there but as I hear it, it's the bursting that is tearing you apart rather than the green eyes.

[IronKnee]

Great song....and well put together.
Rockin'......and loving it!!
A great stage song............tons of energy!
                                                                             -T

[MichaelA]

Hi @Sebandme, I love the relentless drive in this and the harmony vocal in the chorus is really catchy. My only suggestion would be to get to that chorus a bit quicker, as it is far too good to be that far back in the song.

The instrumental bit is smashing too. Good to see you rocking out a bit and showing your undoubted versatility 👍