Mental Disorder (need your help)

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Arthur_Satine

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« on: August 21, 2020, 02:31:40 AM »
Hi everybody, here is my almost pre-final demo "Mental Disorder"

I need criticism and your opinion.

https://soundcloud.com/arthursatine/mental-disorder


MENTAL DISORDER

Chemistry & hatred, meaningless grasp.
Hate you and you hate me, so today is the last
Ask me to forgive ya, fuck you, listen to your friends
Genius not genuine - how our story ends

Pre

Lied you always lied
Hate you
Nothing to hide
Get away
Nothing to say
Yes I'm a psycho
It's ok

Chorus

Hello my mental disorder
My memory's dead moreover
I'm turning pale like I'm sober
Symbolise it, knives are honed
I'm just doing what I want

Verse 2

I put on my best dress spectra and lights
The leopard can't change his spots
Misery lies
Ask me to forgive ya, sorry can you disappear?
You can’t no longer fuck with
With Erlin Roe (alter ego)

Chorus

Hello my mental disorder
My memory's dead moreover
I'm turning pale like I'm sober
Symbolise it, knives are honed
I'm just doing what I want

Hello my mental disorder
My memory's dead moreover
I'm turning pale like I'm sober
Symbolise it, knives are honed
I'm just doing what I want

Bridge

Want to trash! No one's gonna get it, come on, let's forget it
Asylum is ready, treasure me so very
Want to trash! No one's gonna have it, come on, let's forget it
Asylum is ready, treasure me so very
Mental
Mental

Hello
Mental Hello

Chorus

Hello my mental disorder
My memory's dead moreover
I'm turning pale like I'm sober
Symbolise it, knives are honed
I'm just doing what I want

I'm just doing what I want
I'm sober
I'm just doing what I want
I'm sober



PeteS

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« Reply #1 on: September 24, 2020, 02:26:07 PM »
Hi @Arthur_Satine,  I love parts of it, but maybe not the whole package. 

Not sure about the intro, it just didn't feel like the rest of the song.  The first verse and Pre are good but it felt a little too long before it started to build.  But from the first chorus it took off for me and of course, that may be the effect you were looking for, I just thought the intro and first verse could be better.

Were the pronunciations deliberate?

Good work though!

Pete
New album out now - Wrong Time, Wrong Place : https://open.spotify.com/album/7AKxi8xiendb9dY22v4QnP?si=AR0VZ1pjSDOwVosifVd_sA
Instagram @echodogsofficial

Sterix

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« Reply #2 on: September 29, 2020, 07:55:00 PM »
So I saw the title and thought "At last! Someone has written a song about me!" :D

The track seems to have disappeared, though.

PopTodd

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« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2020, 01:16:59 PM »
I JUST wrote and posted a song that is addressed to a loved one with mental health issues.
Needless to say, I am going to listen to this one right now!

PopTodd

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« Reply #4 on: October 26, 2020, 01:18:05 PM »
"Track was not found"
Did you remove it?