konalavadome

‘Time Machine’ , 24/9 - edits and tweaks now done!

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MonnoDB

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« Reply #15 on: September 22, 2020, 06:31:15 PM »
As always the original and quirky theme - always look forward to hearing what you come up with... This one doesn't disappoint. Really like that perky synth sound melody in the background.. Track is great.. loads going on..

I listened before I read the comment and the repetition of Sound Machine in the chorus also struck me - I see you're going to look at that, I certainly would agree you could swap a couple out...

Loved E=mc2 ...

Another one to add to a fine collection of unique and very clever songs.. Album time???

K


MichaelA

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« Reply #16 on: September 24, 2020, 08:34:11 PM »
Hi all. I have done some tweaking after the helpful feedback I've had on here.

https://soundcloud.com/michael-a-duffy/time-machine

1. Took out one of the repetitions of the phrase 'Time Machine' in the chorus. Changed the lyric to accommodate.

2. Changed the chorus melody just a tad on the first line, so it comes in higher for more impact.

3. Scrapped the old chorus harmonies. Tried something different and then took a chance on adding heavy reverb to the now panned harms to go with the sci-fi theme. Hope this works. Only just done it, so I'll have to let it settle to make my mind up.

4. Increased the volume of the 'MC2' robot twins, as suggested by @adamfarr

I am happier with it now, so thanks for the feedback all.

Finally thanks @MonnoDB Karen for that latest bit of feedback. Yeah I did have a look at what you mentioned ta, but thanks too for the general positivity. Yes I am toying with the album idea, but can't decide if it would 'just be for me'. Not terrible if it is just for me, as I deserve a treat every now and again, just like all of us do. But I'd love to hear your conclusion about your album work with Mr JB sometime. Cheers!

My latest novel: pls check it out!

‘Gavin & The Bodysnatchers’, a quirky comedy crime thriller. Easily found on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09GZ7C8M7?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860

pompeyjazz

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« Reply #17 on: September 24, 2020, 09:55:45 PM »
I was just going to have a listen to your new version before hitting the sack after a busy day but the link doesn't work @MichaelA Hopefully see you for a natter tomorrow evening  :)

MichaelA

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« Reply #18 on: September 24, 2020, 10:50:59 PM »
@pompeyjazz i can’t replicate that fault on my iPad or phone. Not sure if it’s about caching or something. But I suggest you hit the link harder!  ;)

Not sure what else to do...
My latest novel: pls check it out!

‘Gavin & The Bodysnatchers’, a quirky comedy crime thriller. Easily found on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09GZ7C8M7?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860

Kafla

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« Reply #19 on: September 25, 2020, 08:52:37 AM »
Well @MichaelA it takes a very brave and humble man to take criticism on board even if it’s constructive, and the danger is you can go backwards - I know this feeling well btw - reset every dial to zero 🤣🤣

To my ear it all works really well - the robot MC2 works really well. Backing vocals are always tricky - the advice I read is to have them so you can hear them and then dial them back until you can only just - it’s always tempting to put them back up. Imagine a band on stage and pan to where the backing singers would be in terms of left / right but also behind (using reverb)  I can confirm I approve of what you’ve done - the harmonics work really well in the chorus 😍

This song gets better with every listen and it’s pop at its finest 😎👍🏻

Well done 👏🏻👏🏻

pompeyjazz

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« Reply #20 on: September 25, 2020, 09:12:08 AM »
Ah ! Great, it works on my computer and sounds fabulous. I think that the changes that you have made have all been successful. As others have said, it's daunting to implement changes when you were pretty happy with the original. I always make sure that I save a copy of the original before "dicking" about with my mix. A fab jaunty piece of pop that really should be on red vinyl  :)

adamfarr

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« Reply #21 on: September 25, 2020, 01:07:14 PM »
Sonically really good - and good for you for taking on board some comments, sometimes hard to do.

The only thing that stuck out a bit was "quantum leap online store" which I didn't think sang totally well. If you were up for one more version I'd try to smooth that line out somehow - "quantum online store"? "worm hole online store"? "Doc Brown's online store"? "plutonium online store"? or even "delorean online store"? Not easy, and you may feel you already have the best option.

As they say in Portugal "he who criticizes wants to buy"...

MichaelA

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« Reply #22 on: September 25, 2020, 06:18:53 PM »
Thanks for having a re-listen you three!

@kafla , that’s an interesting way of thinking about harmonies, I’ll bear that in mind thanks. Glad you are on board the Time Machine now!

@pompeyjazz , cheers John, yes that red vinyl idea is deffo growing on me. Yeah I did make a copy, as like you I have found sometimes you go around in circles with the tweaks, and of course get nowhere.

@adamfarr , aaaaaggghhhh!!!!!! You have picked on the two lines that have been killing me. I have written so many alternatives....Still thanks for being honest about your niggle. I was thinking of sacrificing the credit card gag, then,  as the money borrowing thing is done later anyway. But then making the second part of the chorus sound more closely associated with the first. Like this:

Only a time machine
Can save our love
So I bought a time machine
To rescue love

Only it’s not a dream
It’s love extraordinaire
See you in my time machine
Back there somewhere


Better? 😩 😀
My latest novel: pls check it out!

‘Gavin & The Bodysnatchers’, a quirky comedy crime thriller. Easily found on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09GZ7C8M7?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860

MichaelA

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« Reply #23 on: September 26, 2020, 08:10:49 AM »
Last go, in my head this morning...

Lonely the future seems
I’m not going there
See you in my time machine
Back there somewhere

THE END
My latest novel: pls check it out!

‘Gavin & The Bodysnatchers’, a quirky comedy crime thriller. Easily found on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09GZ7C8M7?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860

Kafla

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« Reply #24 on: September 26, 2020, 08:44:15 AM »
Lonely the future seems
The depressing air
See you in my time machine
I’m happy there

Lonely the future seems
Because you’re not there
See you in my time machine
I’m happy there

You could also stretch the last line - stones roses style - to

Back in my time machine
I’m happier

Feel free to ignore 🤣
« Last Edit: September 26, 2020, 09:02:34 AM by kafla »

adamfarr

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« Reply #25 on: September 26, 2020, 12:00:26 PM »
Toughie! Don't like verbs out of place, so my suggestion for now:

No more thoughts of might-have-beens
Gonna press "undo"
See you in my time machine
And we'll start anew

Wicked Deeds

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« Reply #26 on: September 26, 2020, 06:31:07 PM »
@MichaelA,

Back for another listen.  This sure is a great song!

Paul

kevysc

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« Reply #27 on: September 27, 2020, 10:35:42 AM »
Great concept, well written lyrics, super melody and some great synth, well done!

Agree with the comment on too many "Time Machines" in the chorus. How about replacing "So I bought a Time Machine" with "So I bought myself some time" ?

Cheers,

Kevin

MichaelA

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« Reply #28 on: September 28, 2020, 09:39:01 PM »
Thanks for all these listens and supportive feedback @kafla , @Wicked Deeds , @adamfarr and @kevysc.

I’ve been messing about with it today, but don’t think any of the alternatives are stand our better than what I have already. At this point I think it is always best to leave it for a while. Come back later with a fresh and energised head in a few weeks time, and that little bit I need to tweak will probably come easily. I really like this song amongst others in my collection, so want to get it just right. ...but laters...

Thanks all  ;)
My latest novel: pls check it out!

‘Gavin & The Bodysnatchers’, a quirky comedy crime thriller. Easily found on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09GZ7C8M7?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860