[cowparsleyman]

@CaliaMoko - Lovely song, suits your voice perfectly.

Lovely production, clean and full of space, especially like the BV's

Felt the M8 could have a tight tracking harmony vocal line.

Maybe add a simple bass line, maybe a stand up, but nothing complex.

[Grubstar]

Hi @CaliaMoko

What a lovely plaintive song beautifully sung with great lyrics. I think you got the production and arrangement pretty much spot on, I thought your acoustic playing and sound was great and your harmony vocals were terrific. All in all a great job.

[CaliaMoko]

Thanks for the listens and uplifting words. So good for my ego!!

@MonnoDB : I didn't find the line hard to sing, but I am a big fan of only using necessary words, so I removed the "What". I like it. Don't know why I didn't think of it myself.

@hardtwistmusic : I need to look up Zager and Evans--oh wait! That's the "In the Year 2525" song. Right. Got it. This is also one of my favorites of mine--probably in the top three, anyway. It's surprising, to me, because when we got the assignment to write a song with the specific title of "Mississippi Moon", I was at a total loss. I couldn't imagine how I could write anything about Mississippi. Maybe the river, as the source is near here. But then I came up with this story....

@cowparsleyman : I agree. In fact, I have attempted to add harmonies to the bridge, and I tried a bass line on my bass guitar but--since I haven't been practicing--that did not go well. I could use midi, though, so I'll give that a try with my keyboard.

@Grubstar : Aahhhh, you are so nice! Thank you!

Thanks to everyone who listened!

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

Very nice Vicki.
Love the vocal and the teen lyric idea fantasy Romeo theme fits nicely with the progression which was more Runaway for me than Hardtwist's Zager and evans.
Mississippi Moon is a nice title too. Aren't we lucky to have wonderful names/words like that? Maryland Moon just wouldn't cut it.
The backing vocals are very nice...I went to a few different places with mine but I suppose we all listen to songs on here and think we would have done something different...not necessarily better!
As it is a thing of yours..prosody...phrasing I call it probably erroneously...I felt that the line 'I'd like to peek into that fantasy was a bit awkward...I'd have come in justa little bit earlier so the first bit wasn't so rushed together....anyway that's just my take on it.
Enjoyed it!

[Wicked Deeds]

@CaliaMoko,

I don't connect with the characters in this story.  As I see it, there is basically a selfish guy, extending an invite to a very young girl to travel with him to Mississippi  whilst he contemplates an escape from a settled life with his current partner.  I'm asking myself, why does the young girl wonder why she didn't go to Mississippi.

I need a reason to unfold that tells me this man had something that was exciting, intoxicating, endearing that made the girl in the story regret not going with him.  That's how I'd develop the story.  At the moment, the girl is basically wondering what if, without any reason to do so and that is communicated to the listener.

Musically, kudos for tackling all of the instruments.  It's great to hear your progress.  The Zager and Evans influence is very strong here but that can be easily disguised for the better with production mixing and additional instruments. 

The overpowering feeling that I have is that the man is self absorbed. There is nothing to like about him. He doesn't  care if the young girl stays as long as she accompanies him.  That  doesn't help me connect with the story or believe why anyone would wonder what if. 

Please don't think that this is a negative review. I think it highlights an area that must be addressed in order to engage the listener.

I hope this helps Vicki.

Paul

[moraamarolaloba]

Hola @CaliaMoko

I have loved listening to your song, your voice has a new energy, I don't know if I explain myself well, and the song is easy to follow and hum.
I like the lyrics, it's like I'm watching that scene in a cowboy movie.

The mix is fine, and the guitar sounds great !!!
The chorus is good, good, good, good

Mora

[montydog]

Hi Vicki,

Your strengths are your voice, melodic ear and a strong grasp of lyrical flow and rhyme. This does sound like a 60's folk song which is a good thing as far as I'm concerned. The acoustic guitar is fine. I would have maybe added a couple of other instruments or percussion (tambourine, shaker, woodblock?) just to keep the listener's interest. However, there is no denying the quality of your songwriting and that most valuable skill for me, melodic invention.
M

[CaliaMoko]

So many wonderful comments!

@Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra : Yeah, I think that one would have to be "Under the Moon in Maryland"!    I admit I struggled with the background vocals. They don't come to me as easily as they used to, so I have to work at it, usually. I'd like to do more, but it has a tendency to get too messy. And, oh yes, prosody! I can be a fanatic but actually I break the rules ALL the TIME. I did work a lot on that line, but now I can see it would be better to come in earlier, as you mentioned, so I could get proper phrasing, like: I'd LIKE to PEEK INto that FANtasy. Right now it's I'D like to PEEK, etc. I wouldn't say it that way. I think I did fair on the "down", although it starts by going up, because then it falls back down. So "down", right? Another aspect of prosody.

@Wicked Deeds : Hmmm...I really don't want it to come across as an older man and young girl! Is it the reference to his getting married and her still being in school? Perhaps I need to make it clear that she's in college. In fact, they both are, and they are the same age--about 20, maybe even 21. So maybe I need to make the situation more clear there. And he actually cares a lot whether she stays with him or not. He thinks she isn't all that interested, so he's letting her know she doesn't have to commit forever--just help him break away and go. The reason she is wondering how her life might have been if she gone with him, why she cares about that, is they had a history together, starting when they were 16. Every year they would get together, then drift apart, then back together, etc, until he met the woman he eventually married. I have the whole story in my head, but I can't fit ALL of that into the lyric, so I need to figure out how to hint at it, so it comes across properly.

And, I *love* getting criticism I can get my teeth into and work on. No worries there. It gives me energy. It's possible I'm weird (although, I may deny it), but I *like* it.

@moraamarolaloba : Thank you so much for the supportive words. I really appreciate it!

@montydog : It always amazes me when I can come up with a new melody. Every time I find one I really like, I think...well, that must be the last one; there's no way I'll be able to think up another good one now. I do try to work hard on the rhythm flow and the rhymes. I say it out loud and feel where the rhythm goes and try to match that with a melody. I make long lists of rhyming words (perfect and imperfect) and try to find ways to fit them into the story. I love finding an unexpected rhyme (like once I rhymed watermelon and lettuce and it worked). The whole process can become very engaging, which gives me a break from "real life", which is a big plus since I can't actually get away.

And thank you to everyone who's been listening. It means a lot to me.

Vicki

[LostBoy]

Nice work Vicki! Not much I can add that hasn’t already been said. It’s nice to hear you use backing vocals and give the whole mixing thing a go. Keep at it.😄🎶👊🏻🎶

[PeteS]

When I started listening I though I don't think this is for me, but at the end I just played it again ...... and again.  I really like it, it just grew and grew for me!

You have a lovely voice for this type of song and it would be great to hear a live version slightly quicker (I'm the same, I end up playing songs much faster ).

Good work Vicki.

[CaliaMoko]

Thanks @LostBoy and @PeteS : I have to say, mixing is not coming easily to me at all. I blame it on the loud ringing in my ears. And yes, I know I would tend to play faster live. I tend to play everything too fast when I don't have a drum or click track. In fact, I start medium or fast and keep getting faster until the end of the song. I can hear it after, if I record it and listen back, but I totally can't tell I'm doing it at the time.