The chord structure is soooooooo familiar.  I just figured it out.  Zager and Evans "In the Year 2525." 

Not all of it, but some very similar parts.  It's the chords your were given, not any plagiarism.  But it's cool and fun how literally everything can tie back to something else.  That's what makes music so darned fun.

I'm reminded of how my lyric "Little Tin Gods" was so similar to "One Tin Soldier," even though I was working from an Elton John song.  There is literally 'nothing (completely) new under the sun.' 

Was about to write a note saying "That long intro is waaaay too long" but actually I think there's something wrong with the sound file and only the guitar has rendered!

I like the lyrics though - nice twist in the tail and other nice touches "I need someone to help me go" is a really interesting line. Also the "point of view" sounds simple but it's never more apt than for looking at the night sky....

Anyhow, I look forward to the complete production!

Hi @CaliaMoko

I really enjoyed that 😍

It’s got a very familiar chord structure (which I understand was the remit of your challenge ) and sometimes I think playing to a strict beat doesn’t help to differentiate the arrangement when using such chords

I am wondering if you should just ditch the beat and play and sing the song loosely to help get some nuances in there...it’s a fine lilting melody and the words sit nice with each other...I often find folk type campfire songs work better without a strict tempo - I bet your natural rhythm is magical with this song

Anyway your voice is rich and expressive and carries the tune well 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Oh what might have been! I like these kind of wistful narrative songs and you tell the story well, topped off with a memorable join-in style chorus.

I remember you said on the Friday video once that you always end up with your songs sounding like they’re from the 60s. Well nothing wrong with that, and especially in this case, as the sound and structure reminds me of crossover folk/rock artists of the late 60s. I think this kind of melodic classic style is due a comeback, and I am sure you will be ready for it if that time comes.

I’d be tempted to add a few simple harmonies on the chorus, typical of the genre. But very enjoyable all the same 

I really enjoyed this Vicki. Like Michael says, nothing wrong with working with a genre that you are good at and you are so good at this sixties, folks vibe. Your melodies are always strong and lyrics always well thought out. Bravo Vicki 

your vocals are so refreshing vicky, and the skilful unpredictable lyric and your vocal kept me engaged with it..
wasnt put off by the sparse presentation.. didnt notice.. vocal said it all..   anymores a bonus
altho as it played i did find myself adding armchairs drums and an imaginary rubber bassline..
fine song

Really like this: your voice is truly exceptional, with a lovely resonant quality. Some excellent phrasing gives the song a fresh and original quality, as well as keeping the listener engaged.

One minor suggestion: In the bridge, I would replace "Let's take a peek  ..." with "I sometimes peek ( or even sneak) ...". I think this would give it a more personal and wistful feeling.

Best wishes,

Kevin

Good song! As said, I think the story is great and the twist in the end is very nice.
Although there is some irony in saying that if she doesn't go with him he'll end up with a wife (not her!).

I think I'd probably try to find a word other than Romeo as that's been done lots of times. As "I don't know" is pretty neutral there's lots of scope ("what would have been my future / if I'd followed my seducer" - not really a suggestion but you see what I mean). Though Romeo does have a touch of the young and reckless about it...

Very much like the melodies and vocals too.

Hi Vicki, beautifully sung, as usual . Yes it is a familiar chord structure, but you have made it your own with a nice bittersweet lyric.

Cheers

Jamie

You have a beautiful voice, Vicki @CaliaMoko and it’s a lovely strong melody.. the story is great and it’s a good and interesting spin on the running away theme... a very lovely song.

In the bridge, it struck me that ‘what if I had gone’ would be quite hard to sing - I think I’d drop the ‘what’ and just sing ‘If I had gone.....’ ... just a thought....

Karen.

My first chance to hear it with the vocal attached.  The "Zager and Evans" vibe is even more apparent and it's wonderful. 

I think this is my favorite of all your songs.  And I haven't heard any of your songs for some time, so there is no 'gradation of change' for me to deal with.  I think your vocals have REALLY taken a step forward.