konalavadome

Point of view - Munched !

  • 10 Replies
  • 153 Views

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

CharlieSmith

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 6
« on: August 07, 2020, 06:09:05 PM »
Hello, first time posting here. So if I screw this up I am sorry. Want to share with you a song from lastes EP 'Munched !' It only has 3 tracks it did have 5 but that was on on the physical version. I first recorded this song on my first CD. Late last year. Recently I have moved all my music digital. So any feedback on the song would be good even just listen would be great. I know the audio quality isn't great but it was recorded to tape. I currently have not better ways to record. The balance is off and I think that's probably key. I don't like the name of the song, I think the lyrcis are the best I've written and the guitar part is good. Any thoughts on anything would be good though.

https://soundcloud.com/user-6942031/point-of-view-1

Lyrics:

This is a point of view
Take me away from you
I don't care today
Sunshine in may

The stigma, the guilt , the shame

What are words anyway
This has been said before
This is a point of view
What do I ask of you

The stigma, the guilt, the shame

Investment comes away
Calm words I say
Unknown to you
I'm not worth the wait

PaulAds

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 2694
  • Haemorrhaging Enthusiasm
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2020, 06:48:52 PM »
Hi Charlie

That riff is brilliant 😀

Lyrics are super...it's short, but it has a really cool element of mystery to it.

I liked you vocal too...and the introverted indie feel to it.

I could hear it leaping into an expanded sound with some kicking drums and a thudding bass after the initial intro and verse sets the scene and then dropping back out. That'd help to break things up and add variation. Not easy to do of course unless you've got the gear. Amazing what you can do with a few drum loops though...

What kind of setup are you aiming to put together? You might be able to get some advice off the folks here...we're always happy to help if we can.

Charlie and I bumped into each other on soundcloud this week and I recommended him dropping in here to have a look around.

Great to see you!

kevysc

  • *
  • Solo Gig
  • ***
  • Posts: 447
    • Your Song Contest
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2020, 04:24:45 PM »
Although the recording quality is not great, this has real potential. It has a kind of Nirvana / Coronas vibe.  You have a great voice.

The basic riff is great and sustains throughout, also perhaps a bridge might add both variation and length?  It would also benefit from a fuller production and I'm sure some of the other forum members could help with that.

Although I'm not sure I fully understand the lyrics, there are some great lines in there. I think "Point of View" is a good title, although perhaps "Stigma" as an alternative?

At any rate, welcome to the forum and thanks for your contribution.

Kevin

PaulyX

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 1209
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2020, 02:37:47 PM »
Hi, welcome. Like the other guys I thought this was quality (and also picked up a Kurt Cobain feel from it). I also thought it needed a little variation though to live up to it’s full potential... either going ‘big’ or some variation in the instrumentation if you wanted to keep it intimate. No need o copy Kurt of course but maybe his ‘All Apologies’ or ‘Something in the Way’ tracks could give ideas for production. Really liked your voice on it and the lyrics are nice and subtle.
It's all too beautiful.

Neil C

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 3784
« Reply #4 on: August 14, 2020, 11:53:58 PM »
Hi,
Neat approach, like the repeating guitars, the vocals were a tad for me to work out what's going on, but liked what I read.
Have a quick read of the 'rules' and join in.
Have fun
:-)
neil
songwriter of no repute..

MonnoDB

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 565
    • Soundcloud Profile
« Reply #5 on: August 15, 2020, 01:42:46 AM »
LOVE that guitar riff... Would love to hear that vocal more clearly - it’s a great, compact lyric - let’s hear the words more clearly. Although (ref to the Kurt Cobain refs) maybe that’s not important.

Welcome to the forum. Look forward to hearing more!!

K

Sterix

  • *
  • Solo Gig
  • ***
  • Posts: 422
  • Devil may care, I do not!
    • Sterix Rocks
« Reply #6 on: August 15, 2020, 06:12:03 PM »
Nice song. The vocals could do with being a little louder - found myself straining to listen to the words. Apart from that, a cracking little song.

From a lyricist's point of view, I like lyrics that are not overly clear but obviously mean something to the writer. It gives the listener something to ponder.
My songs...
Sterix Rocks! (700+ songs posted)
My YouTube Channel

If you like my lyrics and want to work with me, PM me...

kafla

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 1900
  • You were a complete stranger , now you are mine
    • Soundcloud
« Reply #7 on: August 16, 2020, 03:26:05 PM »
Its got lots of potential and many way to go production wise

It sounds to me like great verses and I would personally write a chorus to really lift it and define the verses even more 😎👍
Remember - the more quality feedback you give, the more you receive. Take time to listen and review other members' songs.

cowparsleyman

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 1944
  • What would you rather be or a wasp?
    • Cowparsleyman on the Web
« Reply #8 on: August 16, 2020, 03:31:41 PM »
@CharlieSmith First welcome indeed, hope you stick around , maybe come along to the Friday evening chat.


I'm writing as I listen...the audio quality is actually endearing and brings something to it (some pay money to get that sound)

Yip, the vocals could be a bit louder, but as a song it's really good.

would be a great song to add the Nirvana treatment to...I'd do the quiet then full on Curbain thing, maybe even sample the original track in the beginning...You'd need to sing full Balls Out though, which aint so easy.

"Stamen" might be a title?

Good song man, and again Welcome.

Jamie

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 2562
« Reply #9 on: August 16, 2020, 10:32:02 PM »
Hi, welcome to the site, if you 'muck in' you'll  get plenty of valuable feedback and will learn a lot. +1 to all the comments about Nirvana, this is crying out for some real heavy guitars and a 'shouty' chorus. Has potential imho.

Cheers

Jamie

CharlieSmith

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 6
« Reply #10 on: September 16, 2020, 06:36:34 PM »
Hey everyone ! Thanks for listening and posting comments. I forgot my password  :-\ lol so I haven't really been on. On self reflection the vocals are way to quite but hey if I could do it again that's what I would improve. The advice is literally what I do on most of my other songs and that lol. So this was more of a chilled one. I have tried different approaches but I think it's probably got to stay simple. But for my other songs yeah I hope I can grow and have the dynamic ranges that I know people want haha.

I'll be posting another clean track here in a couple of days. I wonder what you will think of that. I didn't do anything dynamically different but I wrote a more defined chorus and used chords instead of picking idea. And added a guitar melody to finish. Completely different song of course but I think you'll see similar elements. I will also in time post some heavy stuff if you would like to listen to that. But I thought a song with more defined lyrics would do better here

I'm going to take alook around more and thanks again for all your comments  8)