[Sterix]

Wanted to write something different from the usual sad/depressing love stuff I write and ended up writing a sad/depressing song about someone famous instead. Yep, there's an epic fail in there somewhere!

I'm not going to say who this is about. Would imagine most of you won't know who he is but he's very famous in certain circles. The title of the song is (almost) how he's referred to because he was brilliant at what he did but then just faded away into obscurity.


THE PRIDE AND SORROW

They say the brightest burns the shortest
Then they vanish out of sight
You took the world and seized the moment
Then you kissed that world goodbye

What made you
Lose faith to
All you command?
You could have
Burned brighter
Than anyone

Where was tomorrow?
The pride and sorrow
Walked into the night and was lost to the world
The warriors follow
The pride and sorrow
A voice that fell silent, no more to be heard
The pride and sorrow...

What makes a man give up his calling
At the height of his empire?
You had so much to teach the future
How many more you could inspire?

What made you
Lose faith to
All you command?
You could have
Burned brighter
Than anyone

Where was tomorrow?
The pride and sorrow
Walked into the night and was lost to the world
The warriors follow
The pride and sorrow
A voice that fell silent, no more to be heard
The pride and sorrow...

INSTRUMENTAL

A child looks at the board in wonder
He sees so many ways to win
But in the end there's something missing
And so he lets the candle dim

What made you
Lose faith to
All you command?
You could have
Burned brighter
Than anyone

Where was tomorrow?
The pride and sorrow
Walked into the night and was lost to the world
The warriors follow
The pride and sorrow
A voice that fell silent, no more to be heard
The pride and sorrow...

[Wicked Deeds]

A brief rewrite off the opening lyrics that you may decide to incorporate or discard. If you decide on the former, let me know if you would like me to continue.


They say the brightest light shines briefly
unti it vanishes from sight.
You seized the moment, took the world
then kissed the world goodnight.


What made you
Lose faith?
It was your's
to command?
You held our attention
In the palm of your hand.


Best

Paul

[MichaelA]

Hey Martin, very touching lyrics. Ha ha, yeah not as depressing as some of your others, as you yourself say, but still the hint of a sad tale there - but this time tempered by the inspirational nature of your protagonist.

Yes I am sure you can make some of the lines a little tighter, but knowing you I am sure you will do that with no further suggestions from me. Great story! 

[pompeyjazz]

Another great set of lyrics from you @Sterix I can't believe how you manage to keep coming up with lyrics of such quality. Deep indeed and very touching.

[Wicked Deeds]

@Sterix ,

Please don't be offended by my suggestions.  I've commented because I think I can bring further value to what  you have already written. In that sense, my input has been constructive. 
As songwriters, we must all follow our own path.

Paul

[adamfarr]

Wow - a great song and in particular the child and the board is such a great section - really outstanding.

You use a lot of question forms and from experience I would say that sometimes listeners don't immediately clock that they are questions, and so they can sound confusing. Not saying that is the case here but something to think about when adding phrasing/melody.

I would also consider some of Paul's suggestions for the opening. This one could be a goodie.

[Sterix]

https://soundcloud.com/user-893393410/the-pride-and-sorrow/s-jcgfYUnw4mO

The link above is me caterwauling to the tune I wrote it to.

To be honest, I like the way it is. I only spent 15-20 minutes on it and it pretty much wrote itself. Most importantly, it fits with the tue (WD - you'll see now why I phrased the pre-chorus as I did and how I rhymed the first two lines of that part).

I actually made a little mistake when writing it... I accidentally wrote down The pride and THE sorrow, and had the tune working to that. Then realised what a pleb I was and had to chop the extra THE without chopping any notes... you may notice when I sing the chorus the second time I just about stop myself from trying to sing it!

I suppose I should mention who the song is about. It's a guy called Paul Morphy, considered by many to be one of the greatest chess players ever (despite retiring as unofficial world champion, and from the game itself, at the tender age of 22). Because of this he is known as "The pride and Sorrow of Chess". (If anybody is in to chess, even a little, and is interested in seeing some of his games you should check out Agadmator's channel on YouTube - he's currently doing a series on Morphy. It's my favourite YouTube channel).

Anyway, that's where I got the title from.

[hardtwistmusic]

A little unsolicited advice as I'm listening.  NEVER demean your own voice.  If it needs to be demeaned, there are plenty of others willing to demean it.  And voices seldom need to be demeaned. 

The lyric is (as always) well done.  The vocals were more than adequate, and communicated the vocal melody quite well. 

[Darren1664]

Can’t listen to soundcloud at the moment as I am out and about

I thought these lyrics were really good and I loved the theme!

I didn’t know about him and until I googled The pride and sorrow and was delighted to see it referred to a chess player, as I love chess! Although I got addicted to playing it so had to quit

I’m really excited to listen to this and, although the lyrics have a sadness to them, there no reason the song cannot have a lighter tone to it. There many a great happy song where the lyrics are quite dark and saddening. I’ll be interested to see where you went musically with these. I will listen when I am home.

Great lyrics though but also some really nice suggestions in the comments

[rightly]

There something going on here.
As it is I find it a bit sketchy

I really like  the Opening verse.
Later I get a bit lost.