[kevysc]

Ok, the two weeks are up, so I can post another song! This started as a solo voice/ piano piece, but I decided to do a fuller version. As always, would love to hear what you think ....

Kevin

https://www.reverbnation.com/kevinism/song/31996295-a-day-in-the-life


A Day In The Life


Another morning shows its face
I sit alone in this grey space
And dream about ... new beginnings

The Sound of Silence takes me back
To the place where I began
It takes me back ... to the beginning

(It feels like I just can't decide
If I am dead or I'm alive)

It's just a day in my life
It's just a day in my life

Our choices narrow as we age
No empty space left on the page
Too late  to write ... new beginnings

The other lives we could have led
Were never lived, but never dead
So let them lie ... like lost beginnings

(It feels like I just can't decide if I am dead or I'm alive)

It's just a day in my life
It's just a day in my life

Another morning shows its face
I sit alone in this grey space
And dream about ... new beginnings

(It feels like I just can't decide if I am dead or I'm alive)

It's just a day in my life
It's just a day in my life

[Bill Saunders]

Hi Kevin

I love the lyrics and you have a catchy vocal melody going on which sticks in the mind. Unfortunately the bass guitar is so prominent it put me off. It's well played and there are some great bass lines but it is too loud. Also, although the song is well sung, the vocals sound boxy to me - I think you need to revisit the reverb effects on it, as it doesn't sit easy in the mix.

[Unclenny]

Hey @kevysc .....I'm hearing those vocals a bit differently than @Bill Saunders . I see your placement of them as an artistic choice and, for me, it works.

I like the way this song moves and the way it is structured and as an older guy the lyrics definitely resonate with me.

[moraamarolaloba]

Hola @kevysc

I like your song, I find the lyric describing something deep 👏

but, at least in my speakers, I see things that you can remix, the song is interesting, intense, 
 
The bass  and the piano at some  moments have to much level compared to the guitar and the drumt ...
The reverb of the guitar could be shorter and the one of your voice longer ...

The drum should have more level gibing to the piano and the bass more floor.

This line caught my attention.
(It feels like I just can't decide
If I am dead or I'm alive) 👌

 Tell me what you think and do not be angry  with me

Mora

[kevysc]

Thanks for the comments, some good ideas and I have posted a new version.

@Bill Saunders Agree that the bass was too loud, so have lowered it in the mix

@Unclenny Appreciate the positive feedback, much appreciated

@moraamarolaloba Some excellent advice, most of which I have taken! After much playing around with the lead vocal, I have actually reduced the reverb and effects to try to give a more intimate feel. (And of course, I am not angry

As always, thanks for the feedback and more comments welcome.

Best wishes,

Kevin

[Grubstar]

Hi Kevin
A rather sad lament on the passage of time but one I  liked. The lyrics are really well written and your vocal delivery/melody are excellent,also the piano and bass lines are 1st class and your production held it all together very well.

[digger72]

Hi Kevin,

Mix sounds good to me, though I think the guitar could be a little louder.
The chorus comes alive - I think it works well with the vocal treatment.

Digger

[kevysc]

@Grubstar Many thanks glad you liked it. I am very happy with the lyrics, although it took a lot of iterations 
@digger72 Many thanks ... I tried playing around with the guitar, but in the end, left it as is ... still, there is no such thing as a failed experiment!  

Kevin

[CaliaMoko]

Somber, dark, depressed. Nice rainy day song for someone who's been trapped inside for weeks. Tight, effective lyrics. The repetitive melody suits the reflective mood.

I looked at the structure and, at first, wanted to see more "unstable" elements--more near rhymes and fewer perfect, more uneven numbers of lines in the verse/chorus sections. I was seeing the song only as illustrating depression.

Further thought brought me to the conclusion it is not deeply depressed--but more pensive, so mixing in both stable and unstable elements, as you have done, is good. Some sections with even numbers of lines and some with uneven. Some perfect rhymes and some imperfect.

It looks like you've already gotten (and taken) some great advice. I didn't hear the original version, but this one works for me.

[adamfarr]

Hi - I heard the first version and definitely like this one better (though maybe the vocal is even a little dry for me now in the quiet sections).

Really like the bass and the very modern sounding percussion - which works well with the theme.

It's a very thoughtful and thought provoking lyric and quite bleak, and we really feel the struggle of the singer. I wondered whether a bridge section somewhere could give an opportunity for another perspective - but possibly that's not the point, this character doesn't see any way out.

A strong song well delivered.

[Melusine2]

great lyrics, good vocals, and the melody suits the lyrics.
Well done

[MonnoDB]

A great lyric @kevysc ... and I am partial to a dark song let's face it, so this is right up my street.. Really catchy chorus.. it will be stuck inside my head for the rest of the evening.. I can feel it already.. Very well put together.. loved it!

K

[irwin]

Nice structured song and the vocals are good no doubt about that. I like the open line of the lyric "Another morning shows its face " show a picture of;

"It's just a day in my life"

But I would suggest

"It's just another day in my life"

Ii is the kind of song that moves you.

Thanks for sharing.

Irwin

[PaulAds]

Ha! The album title (?) reminded me of my Grandad who often used to say "one door shuts and another one closes"

I thought it had quite a 70's Bowie thing going that seemed slightly at odds with the very modern-sounding drums...but that could also be seen as a cool mix of differing styles?

Piano was great and I loved the way it just sort of hangs there suspended.

Very cool vocal melody and that little "dream about new beginnings" chord sequence is top class.

You always produce quality stuff...and this is exactly that.

[kevysc]

Thanks again for those extra comments: I have posted a slightly revised version to incorporate some of your suggestions.

@CaliaMoko Great observations and always appreciate your comments on lyrics / enunciation. Yes, this is mainly pensive: awareness of the inevitable passing of time and consequences of the choices we make ...

@adamfarr Many thanks ... I have added back a little reverb

@irwin Many thanks for the suggestion

@Melusine2 @MonnoDB @PaulAds Many thanks for listening and glad you liked it