Songwriter Forum > Feedback on Finished songs
Black Station Wagon
montydog:
Hello again,
A new song which is something a little different from my usual stuff. It's kind of a darkly humorous take on the old murder ballad theme. All feedback good and bad welcome. Hope you enjoy it.
M
https://soundcloud.com/alan-walker-4/black-station-wagon
My friends warned me but I didn't listen
They said your old lady's been messin' around
With a guy in a black station wagon
He lives on the wrong side of town
He lives on the wrong side of town
They were seen in a bar on Tuesday
On Wednesday in the back of his car
By Thursday they were sat on his back porch
It was the weekend that pushed me too far
It was the weekend that pushed me too far
He drove a black station wagon
He had a black evil heart
And when I saw them together
Man it tore me apart
Yeah it tore me apart
Fresh turned earth in a wood in Wisconsin
Posters and appeals on TV
A couple that's just gone missing
It has nothing to do with me
It has nothing to do with me
May be they're on a beach in Belize
Or cruising the Mediterranean
I for one will be very surprised
If they ever show up again
So take heed all you sneakers and cheaters
One day you will have to pay
What seems like fun on a Monday
Could turn out a different way
Yeah it could turn out a different way
He drove a black station wagon
He had a black evil heart
They don't spend too much time together
Being dead it keeps them apart
Being dead it keeps them apart.
Unclenny:
I like this tune a lot. It's a classic story that is well told with great instrumentation and good dynamic production choices.
I like where you go at 1:56 and I love the short instrumental that comes shortly after.
Just a great song all around with a chorus that sticks. Chuckling at the lyrical twist in the last chorus.
Neil C:
Alan,
Love the bluesy feel to this, I just flows along with the bass and drums providing a cool shuffled platform for your storytelling and vocals.
Cool guitar and sax solo.
Lots to like here.
:-)
Neil
adamfarr:
I loved this! I think your more baritone-tone here suits the darker theme, and the jaunty backing sets off it so well.
Lots of lyrical clues as to what's to happen - which we might not get on the first listen but on the second all point to the inevitable conclusion.
Minor criticism - I think the word Mediterranean could be phrased differently, it sounded forced and spoilt that part a bit for me ("Mediterranean sea" might scan better and the loss of the end rhyme wouldn't be noticed I don't think).
But small beans, the overall effect is fabulous, great story and great listen.
Furry61:
Alan, a great bluesy feel here, lovely standout guitar. Tongue in cheek lyric tells the story exceptionally well which is the other standout, also fits the blues so well. I think I agree 'Mediterranean' sounds a little clumsy but that's a very minor point and overall this is great fun to listen to. Geoff
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