[wkamen]

Staring out the window
in the dark
Same old empty feeling
in my heart

Images embedded in my head
still remain and keeps coming back
keeps coming back in a song
Moments in Time

Every time I think about that song
I picture you and me
Walking the beach hand in hand,
Sharing popcorn at the movies
going to a ballgame
going to a local disco
dancing the night away

It's so lonely,
So empty,
In my room,
My Isolation

Memories slowed time
Bringing the darkness


Strapped to a chair,
Trapped by my own mind,
Looking at the open entryway
With demons dancing in my head
Feeding my mind with bitter thoughts.
The outside comes to my window,
All is vivid and near but can't be touched


(Chorus)
It's so lonely
So dreadful
So frightful
In my room,
My Isolation


The world may never end
But I may not have many days

Staring, silent, bare and hollow
looking out from within,
Still waiting for a rainbow
after the storm,

It's so lonely
so empty
so frightful
so hopeless
in my room
My isolation

My isolation

[JonnyD]

Oof wow, that was dark. What genre do you intend this song to be? Have you already got music set to it? It seems like it has quite a complex structure to set music too, but obviously it doesn't matter if you already have music.

"Every time I think about that song
I picture you and me
Walking the beach hand in hand,
Sharing popcorn at the movies
going to a ballgame
going to a local disco
dancing the night away"

I really like the rhyme scheme in this section for some reason.

[wkamen]

I really like the rhyme scheme in this section for some reason.

For some reason  !!!

What reason  !!!!

[wkamen]

The song My isolation put to music
https://soundcloud.com/wkamen/somewhere-final-1

[hardtwistmusic]

I'm going to do something that's seldom done here because this has so much potential.  I'm going to actually criticize the song, and tell you how I think it could be better. 

The music is so good that it matters little what the lyrics say. . . but I'm convinced the lyrics can be much stronger. 

The lyric begins sad, hopeless, and depressed, and progresses to ... well, to sad, hopeless and depressed in the middle.  By the end, the protagonist is still sad, hopeless, and depressed in almost exactly the same way he/she was at the beginning.   Nothing progresses, nothing regresses.  Nothing happens, and nothing changes. 

Again, the music is so good that it doesn't matter as much, but a lyric has to do something, or go somewhere. 

OR, it can just be a complementary set of sounds for the instrumental music. This definitely works as a complementary set of sounds for what I think is incredible music. 

But for a lyric to stand on it's own, it needs to move through a beginning, a middle, and an end.  Something has to happen, and/or something has to change.  This just has three near identical parts. I'm convinced it can get drastically better.

[wkamen]

Read the chorus again hardtwistwistmusic. you are incorrect, the song does progress. First he is just empty not being able to go out and do the things he could before. then in the middle its becoming dreadful and frightful and in the the end its hopeless   !!!!!!!!!!1 Also the verses back up the progression of the choruses  !!!

Not sure you follow the lyrics !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[hardtwistmusic]

Not sure you follow the lyrics !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Perhaps not.  Since you found no value in my critique, I'll be more careful about offering you criticism in the future. 

[Sterix]

My only point with the lyrics is a technicality. Early on you say "images embedded in my head still remain and KEEPS coming back, KEEPS coming back in a song". Should really be KEEP as "images" is plural (so if you contract it, it would say "images keep coming back" and not "images keeps coming back".

I have to disagree somewhat with HTM. For me, a song really doesn't have to follow any set/perceived rules beyond those you set yourself when writing it (and even then, I tend to break my own rules a lot). It's like saying we should only be listening to radio-played pop music and no other genre is valid. Let's face it, if every song lyric had to "develop" Beyoncé would have had to to hired proper song writers for Run the World! Then what would Queen fans have to take the p**s out of?

However, I actually DO see changes as this song progresses, albeit subtle ones. My interpretation is that, in the beginning, he's scared and looking back at happier times. Then he's "strapped to a chair" and he's contemplating the present. And there he sees a glimpse of the outside world but it's just out of reach. Then he's looking at the future (the world may never end) but he doesn't see the future really changing. Past... present... future... Not sure if that is what you had in mind but that's my take on it.

Look forward to reading/hearing more from you.

[wkamen]

However, I actually DO see changes as this song progresses, albeit subtle ones. My interpretation is that, in the beginning, he's scared and looking back at happier times. Then he's "strapped to a chair" and he's contemplating the present. And there he sees a glimpse of the outside world but it's just out of reach. Then he's looking at the future (the world may never end) but he doesn't see the future really changing. Past... present... future... Not sure if that is what you had in mind but that's my take on it.

You nailed it Sterix  !!!!   I couldn't describe it any better than how you did  !!!