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a violent death
rightly:
A woman was murdered by a man.
He was caught, found guilty
and sentenced to life imprisonment.
This life lasted only another 14 years
Weakened by cancer, the virus came and
finished him off.
The family of the murdered woman were notified
and her brother, in a confusing mix of sentiments,
tried to restore his balance by writing this song.
A fast enough write.
I don’t want to rush to recording.
I’ll take my time with it.
A Violent Death
the salt will be well spent
I’ll shed a little tear
to act without intent
never a good idea
a knife was in my hand
and buried in his chest
he’d lived a lawless man
he died a violent death
dreams are two a penny
and not to give away
‘seems I have so many
and someone has to pay
she could have been a star
as she would shine as bright
he broke my mother’s heart
and took my sister’s light
we reach an early end
with memories I’m blessed
just let him die again
never should he find rest
they pleaded distraction
but we weren’t having that
how could I let this happen
how could it come to pass
he died a violent death
he died a violent death
__________
Rightly.
Dramrasin:
I'm glad that I got involved in this time and read good things.
CaliaMoko:
Suitably dark and brooding. Tight, no extra words. Good rhythms.
There's some prosody stuff, but I think I like it the way it is.
rightly:
--- Quote from: CaliaMoko on June 17, 2020, 03:04:39 PM ---Suitably dark and brooding. Tight, no extra words. Good rhythms.
There's some prosody stuff, but I think I like it the way it is.
--- End quote ---
Thanks for your attention.
I’m curious about prosody observation.
As far as I know prosody changes with every dialect spoken.
Do you think there is only one correct way to place emphasis and set a rhythm?
@CaliaMoko
CaliaMoko:
A variety of "stuff" can come under the prosody heading. It's a LARGE area. My prosody comment relates to the turned-around wording of two lines. The thing is, that sort of thing has been done in poetry and songs for ages, and I really think it's a relatively new idea to make everything more like "common speech". I don't always agree, so I noticed it, but I don't think I would suggest to change it.
There is one possibility, though. One of those two lines is "with memories I’m blessed". Normally, I would expect the most important word (which I think is "memories") to be highlighted in some way, like being at the end of the line. That would be a problem in this case, though, as "I'm blessed with memories" wouldn't rhyme with "never should he find rest". And, actually, the rhythm and melody could be used to highlight "memories" right where it is.
To answer your question, no I do not. I remember grammar exercises in which we would say a sentence repeatedly, each time varying the rhythm and stress to get a different meaning. So, there's more than one correct way, but it might make a difference to the intent and meaning of the phrase or sentence.
I really enjoy songwriting for more than one reason, but one is because it is so much fun to fiddle with the words. And I always enjoy your writing, even though I don't give much feedback (I often can't think what I would say), because it seems so much thought goes into it.
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