Imperial Past Demo

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PeteS

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« on: June 08, 2020, 12:09:03 PM »
So here is a song that I just can't seem to find a way to bring it to life. 

The lyrics are incredibly topical given the events of the weekend and the subsequent discussions today around our slave trading heritage.  The importance of the topic really makes me want to be sure I do it justice in the final mix.

Neil wrote the lyrics a while ago and I sat on them for a few weeks before coming up with the verse part around a month ago.  I parked it then as the Chorus didn't leap out at me but I finally got that in place a couple of weeks ago.

When I wrote it, it was just me and my acoustic guitar, and I still like it played that way, but recorded I felt it was dull. 

The drums are just an Apple drummer dragged through, I haven't tried to change that yet as I usually do that at the end when I have a better feel for the song and that will definitely help with the final sound.

The vocal is very raw and was a single demo take so less than perfect, we do have some minor lyric revisions to include in the final version and the end was created by removing the guitar whereas when I sing it again, I will slow the vocal back a little.

My problem is that it's all a bit samey.  I have tried a number of things and some work better than others but thought it might be interesting to get the views of some of you guys on where to go with a simple acoustic song that needs to be bigger.

It feels like bearing my soul sharing something as early and raw as this but hey, that's what we're all here for right?

Thanks

Pete
https://soundcloud.com/user-942989024-835749728/imperial-past-v3a/s-dzWVpVPIOLM

Verse 1
Here is a tale, a distant memory
A guilty land, a previous century
With naval waters and blooded hands
Fight for glory in far flung lands

Verse 2
Fight for honour, king and country
Medals are won, bugles and gentry
Jewels in the crown, colonies and trading
Settle the locals, they’re for the taking

Chorus
Imperial past, conquests and slavery
Imperial past, empires and legacy
Imperial past, claims of false sovereignty
While the empire’s been slain, the emblems remain and the legacy stays the same

Verse 3
Blind patriot games rally the faithful
Stuck in the past, violent and hateful
Wrapped up in flags, red, white and blue
Inciting today, is that anything new?

Chorus
Imperial past, conquests and slavery
Imperial past, empires and legacy
Imperial past, claims of false sovereignty
While the empire’s been slain, the emblems remain and the legacy stays the same

Mid 8
I’ve no sense of faith, or becoming
I’ve no time for Great, or succumbing

Chorus
Imperial past, conquests and slavery
Imperial past, empires and legacy
Imperial past, claims of false sovereignty
While the empire’s been slain, the emblems remain and the legacy stays the same

Imperial past, conquests and slavery
Imperial past, empires and legacy
Imperial past, claims of false sovereignty
While the empire’s been slain, the emblems remain and the legacy stays the same
New album out now - Wrong Time, Wrong Place : https://open.spotify.com/album/7AKxi8xiendb9dY22v4QnP?si=AR0VZ1pjSDOwVosifVd_sA
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DFT

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« Reply #1 on: June 09, 2020, 11:48:36 PM »
Hi PeteS,

Several points, in no specific order:

-You've got a good topic and a message to convey - so yeah- great.
-Try to rethink the repetition of  "Imperial past".
 I would try, and please don't shoot me, to replace some of its occurrences with something else. Examples: "glory and gold dust" "wasn't made to last" "It all ended so fast"
...Well you get the idea...
-The middle 8 is kinda on the skinny side. It's very short and on a very similar harmony.
 That's exactly the place to make a significant change to the harmony, length of phrases in the melody, another register of voice. Something that conveys the core message of the song.

Well, that's all for now  ;)

PopTodd

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« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2020, 01:27:24 AM »
Hey Pete!
If this is just a demo, that's fine. But I would definitely work on the mix if you are trying to get this ready for release.
Also, some vocal harmonies always go a long way.
Maybe double the vocals AND add a harmony?

Also, I agree with DFT on the middle 8 being kinda slight. Maybe flesh that out a bit and toy with the melody, too. As it is, it just kinda blends in with the rest of the song, doesn't pop.

A good start here, though, that is definitely worth putting some elbow grease into.

PeteS

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« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2020, 09:18:58 AM »
Hi PeteS,

Several points, in no specific order:

-You've got a good topic and a message to convey - so yeah- great.
-Try to rethink the repetition of  "Imperial past".
 I would try, and please don't shoot me, to replace some of its occurrences with something else. Examples: "glory and gold dust" "wasn't made to last" "It all ended so fast"
...Well you get the idea...
-The middle 8 is kinda on the skinny side. It's very short and on a very similar harmony.
 That's exactly the place to make a significant change to the harmony, length of phrases in the melody, another register of voice. Something that conveys the core message of the song.

Well, that's all for now  ;)

Hi DFT, thanks for the comments and by the look of it, welcome to the forum!

Lyrics aren't my area, I have a lyrical partner in Neil who gets offended when I change them too much  ;D. But it doesn't stop me.   You certainly could change the middle occurrence of Imperial Past, I'll try a couple out and see how t goes.

The Mid 8 is interesting, I actually removed some words as I want to take it down in volume and perceived pace and create what I thought was a dramatic pause between the two parts of each lines.  Could look at some BVs or even another line?  I'll work on it but don't want to lose the pause and reduction.

Thanks for listening and responding!

Pete
New album out now - Wrong Time, Wrong Place : https://open.spotify.com/album/7AKxi8xiendb9dY22v4QnP?si=AR0VZ1pjSDOwVosifVd_sA
Instagram @echodogsofficial

PeteS

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« Reply #4 on: June 10, 2020, 09:21:38 AM »
Hey Pete!
If this is just a demo, that's fine. But I would definitely work on the mix if you are trying to get this ready for release.
Also, some vocal harmonies always go a long way.
Maybe double the vocals AND add a harmony?

Also, I agree with DFT on the middle 8 being kinda slight. Maybe flesh that out a bit and toy with the melody, too. As it is, it just kinda blends in with the rest of the song, doesn't pop.

A good start here, though, that is definitely worth putting some elbow grease into.

Hi Pop,

Yeah, I haven't looked at any BVs yet so that's definitely somewhere I'l definitely be looking.  I think the Mid 8 blending is part of the issue, I think the whole thing sounds a similar volume and instrumentation all the way through and that's where I think I need to look but I haven't found the answer yet.

Cheers

Pete
New album out now - Wrong Time, Wrong Place : https://open.spotify.com/album/7AKxi8xiendb9dY22v4QnP?si=AR0VZ1pjSDOwVosifVd_sA
Instagram @echodogsofficial

Arthur_Satine

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« Reply #5 on: August 21, 2020, 01:23:22 AM »
It's a shame that the song has been removed :(