[montydog]

Hello fellow songwriters,

This is the title track of my latest album. It is a bit more edgy than my usual songs. It isn't about anyone in particular, I just tried to imagine how angry someone would be if their partner royally screwed up their family. All feedback is appreciated.

M

https://soundcloud.com/alan-walker-4/smoke-and-bone


South Dakota Wednesday morning
Empty hours dawn is calling
You're weighing heavy on my mind
We said some things that needed saying
But something got broken
Got left behind
I can't take what you're saying
The words you use are too unkind
I can't see where you're walking
Am I going crazy or running blind

Cause you're the daughter of smoke and bone
A liar, deceiver, unbeliever and reaper
Of every bad seed you've ever sown
And every soul you've ever owned

God help you
If we ever meet again
I'll be first to wipe
Away your stain

Out on the plains the grass is moving
Like wind on water across the waves
In the dark a child is crying
Salt tears for the mother
He couldn't find

We built a house, kept out the demons
You burned it down to save your pride
Now I'm standing in the ruins
Watching my life slowly unwind

'Cause you're the daughter of smoke and bone
A liar, deceiver, unbeliever and reaper
Of every bad seed you've ever sown
And every soul you've ever owned

[CaliaMoko]

Well, the sound is good, as always. I never get tired of your voice.

Now, this song--you mention it is from the point of view of an angry person. To me, the soft sound and relaxed tempo make it feel more like the protagonist is sad, depressed, despondent. For anger, I want a faster, more driving beat, more dissonant sounds, a louder and less mellow voice. Something that signifies fury more than depression. Make it sound like a raging thunderstorm.

Just my opinion, of course. Maybe this guy is really good at controlling his anger...

So that's my 2-cents' worth.

Vicki

[Neil C]

Alan,
Nice one with that mid tempo Americana feel to it.
Good wordscape as ever, I like the way you describe the emotion without being explicit as to what went on.
Lovely guitar outro
Going to have another spin.
:-)
Neil

[adamfarr]

'you're the daughter of smoke and bone' - what a great line, sounds like one of those old Shakespearean insults. You certainly get the idea. The 'every soul you've owned' was a little more ambiguous to me - is she the devil? Or did she just steal (other) mens' souls?

Guitars and slide are suitably dramatic and atmospheric. The one thing I didn't really get on with was the drums - I agree they have an 'edginess' but I wasn't sure the cymbal sounds really suited the rest of the song.

Anyhow, a strong song - great storytelling from you as usual, and very evocative of many possible backstories making us wonder what exactly she did.

[Jamie]

@montydog
Hi Alan, up to your normal singing and lyrical standards! Love the slide stuff and the organ tone. Great solo on the outro, very Dire Straits 8)I didn't mind the drums, I think the 'splashiness 'of the cymbals put me off a little.

Nice one!

Cheers
Jamie

[shadowfax]

Your storytelling is always up there with the best but gotta agree with @CaliaMoko  on this one...

[PeteS]

It's a good song but as Vicki said, I didn't get the vibe you were looking for from it.  I often get that criticism from my lyricist Neil, he envisages a song as an angry rocker and i do it as a ballad.  So I suppose it is in the eye of the beholder at the end of the day. 

The lyrics are good and tell the story, but I feel it needs to be either more angry musically and therefore vocally or more minor and melancholy.

Take nothing away from the performance though, Some lovely work!

[PaulAds]

Hi Alan

Sounds really lovely...a very cool slice of Americana. Instrumentation is perfect.

I think the vocal throws up an interesting dilemma. I listen to a lot of audiobooks...and the narrator can kill a book stone dead...or make you more than happy to listen to any old twaddle. I reckon the thing that kills things for me is over-dramatisation of a lyric...I started reading a potted history of WW2 by a well-known modern historian...and the narrator was doing this ridiculously patronising voice where he found it necessary to deliver every sentence about the Germans as though he was scraping something off the sole of his brogues...and injected a kind of "Winston Churchill meets Noel Coward" sentiment into everything the Allies did. I couldn't stand more than half an hour and got a refund.

You have such a smooth voice...and I think you know how best to use it...it might not have worked if you'd tried to inject oodles of vitriol into the song. The lyric makes the sentiment pretty clear.

The other related thing that gave me pause for thought was that it often seems that in my own life, i've found that many people have a tendency not to take seriously how much i mean something if i'm not making a drama out of it.

So...whilst I did initially think that the vocal delivery was slightly at odds with the lyric...I think you did right in not straying from your winning formula.

It's such a great title too...a super song.

[pompeyjazz]

This works for me Alan. It does seem a little bit more edgy to some of your other stuff. I kinda liked the way that you kept the vocals restrained, almost as if you're just holding it all together before you totally lose it  Liked the slightly dirty drum sound and great instrumentation as ever. Another quality offering from you @montydog

[MonnoDB]

Reminded me a little in the beginning of moments in Raising Sand..

As the writer of many dark lyrics, delivered in a kinda dead-pan way, I am not disturbed by the contradiction between words and delivery... I can see why it's being brought up but I quite like that.. The story is clear... It gives a kind of melancholy to the piece rather than just anger.. and then you do bring a certain amount of anger into lines such as.. "You burned it down...." and the "bad seed" refs...

And I gotta say I love the "smoke and bone" line..  and beautiful guitar work..

It's a hit for me

K

[MichaelA]

Hi Alan, from the haunting intro you can tell this is going to be a little more edgy for you. I think you are a master of understatement and therefore I think there is the right level of vitriol in your voice, it's just not your style to be over dramatic, so the vocal delivery is fine by me - e.g. 'You burned it down', 'every bad seed..' there's enough drama there and extra emphasis.

Great narrative in the lyrics, describing a sinner without being too specific of her sins. The guitar outro is very lovely inviting you to ponder over the story you've just heard. Very well constructed, the song easily flows and despite all those lyrics to get through seems to over in a flash. Very good 👍

[digger72]

Hi Alan,

I think the others have all touched upon this; I wouldn't expect you to sing like Johnny Rotten, nor he like you.
For me, restrained anger is like an unexploded bomb, and therefore all the more dangerous as you don't know what devastation it may cause.
And that's the sense I get from your delivery.
I certainly got an edgier feel without it being explicit.
Outro solo is very classy - Chris Rea/Dire straits.

Works for me.

Digger

[Unclenny]

Good tune @montydog with some really fine lyric writing.

This is the first song of yours that I have heard and my first thought was that I wanted to hear your vocals with a little more space around them.

Love that guitar outro as well.

[Wicked Deeds]

Hello,Alan, @monty,

A wonderful crystal clear production to be very proud of.  I am so impressed with the music for this very cool song.

Paul

[Furry61]

You know I love your voice Alan it is what attracted me to ask you to collaborate, this one just feels like a chain with one link missing both lyrically and melodically, I can't put my finger on what it is exactly but I can't see this one flying. Geoff