[Jamie]

Hi all, a new song from me, all constructive criticism welcome!

I posted something in the 'Writing' section a few days ago and this song is a result of the 'Revelation' described in that post.I also took a new approach to the lyrics on this offering. Usually I pull from a cache of lyrics I've previously written and try to match them with the 'feel' of the song. This time I didn't.I started with the instruments and built them up and then thought about words. I didn't try to write them, I sang meaningless words (no change there some might say! ) and waited to see if something emerged. The first words I came up with became the chorus 'Will I ever get out of here',maybe that indicates my pandemic lockdown frame of mind . From that the first verse followed easily, bringing out the 'trapped' idea. The second verse another 'trapped' theme as I people being trapped by war using aeroplanes and bombs as the allegorical theme. The third voice was another slant on trapped and that is being 'trapped ' by an allegation of unproven 'truth or guilt' and the associated blame game that follows all major events. The bridge is a metaphor for how relatively useless (but maybe better than nothing)advice is generally given by governments during major World or country wide issues. Mainly given to promote the illusion that governments know better.EG in the cold war it was government advice that in the event of a nuclear attack, you should 'get under a table' and I read recently that in the USA the advice given if you're in the path of a deadly tornado you should 'get in the bath'. In the outro I thought of chanting a children's nursery rhyme to emphasis the 'darkness' of it. I don't usually explain my lyrics, but I was taken by @PaulAds explanation of his Stalingrad based song lyrics so I've decided to follow his lead

https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/trapped-1

Trapped

I am trapped in this place
I'm never getting out

Their engines are running
and the payload is on board

Will I ever get out of here
Will I ever get out of here
Will I ever get out of here
Will I ever get out of here

Get under the table
or hide in the bath
The TV's buzzing
and the buildings on fire

Will I ever get of here
Will I ever get out of here

Wasn't me look at them
not guilty  conscience clear

Will I ever get out of here
Will I ever get out of here
Will I ever get out of here
Will I ever get out of here

Here comes a candle to light you to bed
Here comes a chopper to cut off your head
Chop chop chop and the last ones dead
Chop chop chop and the last ones dead

Look forward to your considered views!

Cheers

Jamie

[Unclenny]

Interesting to read about how you wrote this one. I write that way most times as well.

The song definitely imparts a feeling of being trapped with the opening and recurring musical theme. I really like that cool interlude....great harmonies.

Love how the bass guitar drives the song along in places.

Those last lyrics are perfectly disturbing. 

 

[PaulAds]

Loved reading the background to this...thanks for explaining...it can add such a lot to get an insight into how and why we come up with what we do.

A top quality offering. Vocals and harmony are excellent. Very nice guitar motif. That repeated vocal line is a great hook and sounds fab.

Mix sounds super and the width is very effective. Loved the "get under the table" interlude. They were scary times...when I saw "threads" it was genuinely terrifying. I remember reading about Stanislav Petrov who, in 1983, decided to gamble that the information he was getting about several incoming enemy ICBM's to the USSR were a false alarm and he made the decision not to escalate the situation to a full retaliatory nuclear strike. He likely saved the world that day.

https://www.vox.com/2018/9/26/17905796/nuclear-war-1983-stanislav-petrov-soviet-union

I often find songs kind of find their own way to go sometimes...you can get a little bit of inspiration from within and that dictates where the song goes. It's a great feeling when it takes off like that. I wish it happened more often!

A super song...and ta for the extra insight 

[moraamarolaloba]

Hi @Jamie

Wow, what images you are describing!! May be this kind of "hecatomb" would change things? I think... Not... The sound is very good, I like the intro,, the low sound equilibrates the high instruments, the backing runs fine with the story, I like your song and the chorus, just with piano and strings are good to give t he necessary atmosphere to this part. I liked it!

[CaliaMoko]

Excellent, so smooth. The harmonies are perfect. My only nit is the phrase "not guilty" with the awkward placing of the strong and weak beats--however, one could argue that adds to the unsettled feel of the whole piece, so maybe never mind that.

[Jambrains]

Good stuff! Good variation and dynamics. I think the vocals need to come up a bit in the mix but other than that is sounds great. Deserves a number of listens to fully digest, loads of nice details to discover. My only complaint would be that there is some dissonance going on (some synth/key) that poked my ears a little (but it may just be me not being "jazzy" enough  )
Well done!

[Sebandme]

@Jamie you have such a distinctive sound, I really did enjoy this alot, especially the get under the table part. I though it was well constructed and the production was top notch which is often the case when i listen to your stuff! Well done! 

[Morefrog Jones]

Lots to like...interesting back story....unsettling and intriguing...nice vocals and bass.

[Neil C]

Jamie,
Distinctive tune with good dynamics between the sections, and cool vocal harmonies on the 'will I ever get out of here'.
:-)
neil

[Grubstar]

Hi Jamie
I really enjoyed this song your vocals are particularly good you've got a great modern proggy sound and I like the changing viewpoints/angles as the song progresses. I think the chorus is really powerful and loved the nursery rhyme ending.

I thought it really intersting the way you described the writing of this song but my only constructive comment would be that you could possibly refine the lyrics a bit so that you dont just repeat the same line as in the chorus. Cheers.

[MonnoDB]

Love it! I'm actually mixing a song with a chorus "I've gotta get out of here" .. Great movement and variation in the arrangement... LOVE the chorus! Bit of a Pink Floyd feel to it for me... That kind of musical darkness is shining through..

Funny re your explanation of the nursery rhyme element at the end - I remember being quite shocked when my kids were small at the brutality of nursery rhymes..

Anyways, completely sucked me in from the get go.. Super interesting instrumentation and arrangement.. HUGE thumbs up from me @Jamie

K

[MichaelA]

Hi Jamie, I like how you have got the vocals a little lower actually, makes the singer sound more 'trapped' and the song more fittingly claustrophobic.

Love how the intro guitar cuts through and then you devise that relentless rhythm track. The quiet break really stands out as a thing of beauty! Fab singing and harmonies as usual.

I also enjoyed your insight into how you wrote it. I also work like that, ie with nonsense words. About half the time the basis of the backing track I come up with suggests to me a mood and then eventually a theme that I then develop lyrically. Great to hear how others do it.

Very consistently great output from you these days 👍

[Jamie]

Hi all, thanks for listening!
@Unclenny Welcome to the forum, they're a great bunch round here, I'm sure you'll add to the experience and knowledge that frequently gets imparted round here! Glad you liked the harmonies I was a bit concerned that it was too much of a change in direction....but apparently not . Unusually I double tracked the bass. My bass guitar wasn't punchy enough so I double tracked a bass sound on my keyboard. I think it helped!I never used to say anything about my  lyrics, I might do it more often after this experiment!

@PaulAds
Hi Paul, great review ....thanks! Yes, I had read the newspaper report you tagged before, genuinely scary, what a brave man. As I said giving some background to the lyric came because of your suggestion, I may try it again! Thanks for the comments on the production, mine seem to be a bit hit and miss, more hit than miss, hopefully .

Thanks for listening guys ,its appreciated

Cheers
Jamie

[Jamie]

Hi thanks for listening!

@moraamarolaloba
Hi Mora,Pleased you liked the changes during the song, I thought it helped to give a bit of light and shade! Glad you liked it!

@CaliaMoko
Hi Vicki,Thanks Vicki, love the smooth comment. I had a lot of trouble with the lyric to this, it is very sparse and therefore its exposed. The line I had most trouble with was the 'their engines' part, I never felt that was exactly right, but i couldn't find an improvement!

@Jambrains
Hi,Cool words about the dynamics etc cheers! I'll go back and listen to the 'jazz' chords, it is entirely possible it was intentional, but on the other hand.... .I played around with the verse vocal a lot to get a level I was happy with... .

Cheers guys it's appreciated that you take the time to listen and comment.

Jamie

[Jamie]

Thanks for listening!

@Sebandme
Hi, love the distinctive sound comment, that's cool .Actually all you comments were great  . Glad you enjoyed it, that's why we do it I guess?

@Morefrog Jones
Hi, Great comments, particularly the 'unsettling' part, cheers. As I said before I don't usually comment on my lyrics, might try it again!

@NeilC
Hi Neil, I wondered if the dynamics were 'too' great, but it seems to work! Yes I'm really pleased with this those harmonies' even though they went through the same bus as all the other vocals, they sound very distinctly
 different.Which I don't understand!

@Grubstar
Hi, pleased you enjoyed it, as I said that's why we do it I guess? Interesting your the second person in a week to mention proggy sound to me about my songs in a week. My roots must be showing

Thanks again!

Cheers
JAmie