Songwriter Forum > Feedback on Works in Progress

Treading Water (First Demo)


Hi everyone I hope we are all well. Here's a first draft demo of a new song that i'm working on called 'Treading Water'. The timing is off in places and they lyrics need tidying up. I'm posting to get your thoughts on the song. It's about a local beauty spot where I actually met my girlfriend, you can get married at a venue there but it is also sadly a suicide hotspot. It's written from the point of few of someone standing on a bridge looking down. I had the chorus lyrics for a while and the verses are just what popped into my head while I was recording so they do need sorting out.

Everything looks so small
Catch me if I fall
Catch me if I fall
The place where I took your hand
Don't you understand
You won't understand

I'm just treading water
Don't know should I sink or swim
But  I oughta let you know
That I am going in
I'm just treading water
Don't know should I sink or swim
I'm gonna let you know it's gonna begin

2nd verse

Like the stain in your shirt i'll never come out
There is no doubt
There is no doubt
Live this life on my own
Don't ask me to grow
Don't ask me to grow

@RealKevM I think this has bags full of potential I enjoyed it lyrically and I think that chrous could be a real beast! Make sure you share with us when you finished it. Obviously there were timing issues in that recording but I'm sure you'll sort that out in the final version. Nice one I enjoyed it :D

 Ireally liked that- good (v different) theme for a song too.

I struggle with timekeeping too, but I reckon you will sort it out with another go.

Could really use some drums to give it some dynamics!

Nice - you're right about the timing. The melody sounds a lot like something Pulp would right to me, which is a good thing.

Drums would definitely add another dimension - also perhaps some subtle strings during the chorus.

I like the lyrics a lot

Reminds me of Sean Lennon just a little. Atmospheric, retro-sound, low bass. Definitely good!


[0] Message Index

Go to full version