[David Christy Jones]

Hello chums!

Recently I got the full version of Studio One pro and have been able to utilize MIDI stuff a lot more since.
This has been leading me down a properly experimental rabbit hole into writing styles I know little to nothing about.
As part of my journey I've been trying to compose pieces entirely in MIDI with no real instruments at all.
This song is the first one that I've got to a stage where it's actually listenable.
I do feel, however, that it may be missing that crucial 'something' to really make it feel like a fully realized piece.

My hunch is that it all lies in the vocals, but I have had a very hard time putting vocals to this as it's not something I'm trained at hearing very well given the electronic context.

I'd love to hear any suggestions or critiques you have that may help to improve this song and bring it to a completion!

Thanks everyone!


Lyrics:

_____________________
    Surrealist Macabre
_____________________

Chorus:
Dali and Lynch,
Zappa and Vliet,
Giger and Bosch see something I can't reach.
Cyriak, Firth,
Shpongle and Tool,
It's the invisible world they hold the pathway to.   

Verse:
I've seen nothing to suggest
The abnormal comes from my head.
Maybe I'll try taking every drug,
Or meditate 'til I have dug enough.
The surrealist macabre that I chase,
Has left me nothing but a bitter a taste.
I never seem to recall my dreams,
To capture and bottle them and find a release.

[Wicked Deeds]

Kudos to you for your experimental approach to writing. The music is really good and if ai may haunting!  This I think is also exchoed in the lyrics.  It leaves me feeling uncomfortable but I recognise the macabre charm of this composition.

Well done!

Paul

[cowparsleyman]

Hi David

This is just brilliant - this is the one that gets in my ear, love it.


Rich

[John Alty]

I really like this. I think the voice for the verse is right, slightly more "electronic" than the opening chorus. Maybe the click-click backing is a little dominant. Great little number.

[Inanité_sonore]

Hi,

It's a very original song, I really like it, especially the vocal interpretation and the sound of the whole. There's a real atmosphere.
However, the rhythm (snare) around 3 min seems to me a little too detached from the mix and the way the song starts again convinced me a little less than the rest.

Great job!

[RealKevM]

Well the title isn't far wrong is it
I really like the music - it's pretty different without being too leftfield.
The vocal phrasing fits well but yeah I agree as you said in your post it is missing something there. Keep at it mate it's really good.