It Hurts

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irwin

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« on: January 23, 2020, 03:55:47 PM »
Hi guys, this song is a song that I've been working on for some years now, and now I've done the demo I am asking for some feedback. As for vocals, lyric and production. Over all. all the sounds you are hearing musically was played off my computer. i am using FL studio 20.

https://soundcloud.com/irwin-abrigo/it-hurts


IT HURTS

Written & Produced by Irwin Abrigo
Vocals & All Vocals arrangement by Heather Rachael
©2020 Irwin Abrigo (Member Of BMI)

(VERSE 1)

I plan, to live , my whole life through
With me, and you, yes this is true
I remember you saying
You’d wanted the same thing too
we met, I had wanted
Your love to be devoted

Snow is falling, I’m at home
It is cold, I’m alone
Against my window there’s a storm
And it’s coming on strong

(CHORUS)
Outside, I can hear
Hear the sound of the wind, blowing
Wishing, Lying in my bed, I’m pretending
Pretending you were near
Just to think you’re not here it hurts
Just to think you’re not here it hurts
Just to think you’re not here it... hurts

(VERSE 2)
Never had, I ask, you for too much
So how can you make me feel sad?
I only ask for your touch
You know that you’re all that I had
I need your, hugs and kisses
I need you more than riches

I dim the lights, through the night
And this is, wishful thinking
Like the wind that blows through my door
I hope you’ll come walking

(CHORUS)
Outside, I can hear
Hear the sound of the wind, blowing
Wishing, Lying in my bed, I’m pretending
Pretending you were near
Just to think you’re not here it hurts
Just to think you’re not here it hurts
Just to think you’re not here it, hurts

(BRIDGE)
Just to think, that you’d leave
Is what I can’t believe
You left me with a broken heart
Pretending you were here

(Out)
Just to think you’re not here it hurts
Just to think you’re not here it hurts
Just to think you’re not here it... hurts
[/img]

cowparsleyman

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« Reply #1 on: January 23, 2020, 07:33:24 PM »
@irwin - as a demo its fine, so much one could do with this.

Vocal arrangement could be modified to add more interest, Maybe avoid the more obvious musical  endings of phrases . on first listen a couple of notes sounded a little of beam, the vocalist has a cracking voice.

The striped back demo instrument lines doesn’t make the most of the strength of the vocals, a confident key change leading to the outtro  might help.

Just needs something to add contrast...loads of options.

Can’t comment on the prod as I’m listening on my phone.

Hope this helps irvin


pnb99

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« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2020, 04:32:03 PM »
This has a lot of untapped potential.

The singer has a lovely tone (almost like Gloria Estefan!)
There are some pitch issues in places but clearly nothing that can't be fixed.

The lyric could be developed to deliver a stronger narrative (storyline) other than be a song simply about missing someone. There are also some slightly awkward turns of phrase and switching of tenses but, again, nothing that can't be addressed.

From a production perspective, there is a lot of opportunity to add more variety to the instrument arrangement. The parts that currently exist certainly are not predictable, but the mix does sound very empty without much evolution instrumentally. The sounds you are using could perhaps also be a little more engaging or novel to add interest.

There's quite a lot of hiss in the background. This could be from the singers mic perhaps? (a noise gate might help).

The vocal harmonies could benefit from a bit of tuning and panning to aid with separation.

But, its a nice demo and some good ideas here.

Thanks for sharing!

Paul.

PaulyX

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« Reply #3 on: January 24, 2020, 09:49:18 PM »
Hi Irwin, I agree with the guys above... this could be a great song and in the current format has a kind of minimalist appeal with just the bass, percussion, vocals and a couple of synth embellishments.  But by the second half of the song it does feel like we are listening to a song with some of the faders pulled down.  I don't think you need to re-record anything much, just ADD to it in the latter half of the song. It is always a pleasure to hear your stuff ... always a unique style and always thought provoking.
It's all too beautiful.

Bostonfan2

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« Reply #4 on: January 24, 2020, 11:00:15 PM »
Yeah definitely some good things here and the guys have covered it all well.
Dont give up on this one you have a good framework to build on!

adamfarr

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« Reply #5 on: January 25, 2020, 08:44:23 AM »
I’m not the person to judge anything in the R&B line of things - but has a great sound. I do agree that it should develop more and I think you have some good suggestions on that. But that bass sound is awesome so it should definitely feature in early verses and maybe a breakdown later. A bit more work to do on this (sorry!) but will be worth it.

Yodasdad

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« Reply #6 on: January 25, 2020, 08:58:29 AM »
Very catchy elements to this, particularly the ‘Just to think you’re not here it hurts’ line.

I can hear the reverb on the vox and synth parts but overall there seemed to be quite a dryness to the track.

Lovely singing from your vocalist.

I agree with the comments about it benefiting from a little more development.

Yodasdad

Jamie

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« Reply #7 on: January 25, 2020, 05:23:05 PM »
Hi, great vocals, and the basis of a good song. As others have said some further development could add interest and variation in the production, arrangement and instrumentation.
Very good.

Cheers
Jamie

irwin

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« Reply #8 on: January 29, 2020, 09:37:29 PM »
@irwin - as a demo its fine, so much one could do with this.

Vocal arrangement could be modified to add more interest, Maybe avoid the more obvious musical  endings of phrases . on first listen a couple of notes sounded a little of beam, the vocalist has a cracking voice.

The striped back demo instrument lines doesn’t make the most of the strength of the vocals, a confident key change leading to the outtro  might help.

Just needs something to add contrast...loads of options.

Can’t comment on the prod as I’m listening on my phone.

Hope this helps irvin



Hi cowparsleyman,

I do understand the things you have stated above and I am studying them because they are making a lot of senses. I like the advice you give about the vocal arrangement. A lot of options yes, and the last thing I want to do is to confuse the production But I thank you so much for your input about my song and has I said before I will be studying all the things that you have mention.

Thanks for listening to my song.

Irwin

irwin

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« Reply #9 on: January 29, 2020, 09:46:45 PM »
This has a lot of untapped potential.

The singer has a lovely tone (almost like Gloria Estefan!)
There are some pitch issues in places but clearly nothing that can't be fixed.

The lyric could be developed to deliver a stronger narrative (storyline) other than be a song simply about missing someone. There are also some slightly awkward turns of phrase and switching of tenses but, again, nothing that can't be addressed.

From a production perspective, there is a lot of opportunity to add more variety to the instrument arrangement. The parts that currently exist certainly are not predictable, but the mix does sound very empty without much evolution instrumentally. The sounds you are using could perhaps also be a little more engaging or novel to add interest.

There's quite a lot of hiss in the background. This could be from the singers mic perhaps? (a noise gate might help).

The vocal harmonies could benefit from a bit of tuning and panning to aid with separation.

But, its a nice demo and some good ideas here.

Thanks for sharing!

Paul.

Hi Paul,

Glad you can see the potential and the singer’s voice tone, and to say that she sounds almost like “Gloria Estefan” makes me feel happier.
I really worked very hard on these lyric rewrite after rewrite and to hear I didn’t deliver wow... I hear you about the phrases and switching of tenses and I do have to work on that too I agree.
What you wrote about the production perspective I’ll be looking into that very seriously. And yes, the hiss in the background it is from the sing’s microphone (because we exchange files over the internet) And I thank you for sharing that tip about the “noise gate” with me. Happy to learn that.
You also mention a tip about the vocal harmonies turning and panning to aid with separation. I do appreciate you telling me that too. You have given so much information for this one song I couldn’t ask for more.
Thanks for taking the time to listen to my song.

Thanks also for sharing your thoughts.

Irwin   

irwin

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« Reply #10 on: January 29, 2020, 09:50:34 PM »
Hi Irwin, I agree with the guys above... this could be a great song and in the current format has a kind of minimalist appeal with just the bass, percussion, vocals and a couple of synth embellishments.  But by the second half of the song it does feel like we are listening to a song with some of the faders pulled down.  I don't think you need to re-record anything much, just ADD to it in the latter half of the song. It is always a pleasure to hear your stuff ... always a unique style and always thought provoking.

Yes PaulyX ,

My peers have given me some real good advices and I am listening.
Thanks for mentioning the second half of the song and the way you felt about it, for I will go back and pay some attention to that to see what best I can do.
You’ve also mention above that is is always pleasure to hear my songs well... it feels good to hear you say those nice words.

I thanks you very much for the comment and advice you have given.

Irwin

irwin

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« Reply #11 on: January 29, 2020, 09:52:32 PM »
I’m not the person to judge anything in the R&B line of things - but has a great sound. I do agree that it should develop more and I think you have some good suggestions on that. But that bass sound is awesome so it should definitely feature in early verses and maybe a breakdown later. A bit more work to do on this (sorry!) but will be worth it.

Hi Adamfarr, I am grateful to have such peers on this forum to share their thoughts about my songs with me. I also have to mention that not only for me they are helpful to other members on this forum too and that is a good thing we help each other.

Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment about my song. I appreciate that a lot.

Irwin

Sebandme

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« Reply #12 on: January 30, 2020, 12:31:20 PM »
This is lovely, massive potential and the lead vocal is really really good!

R&B is not my genre but I really enjoyed it.

PaulAds

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« Reply #13 on: January 30, 2020, 12:47:41 PM »
Hi Irwin

Vocalist has a lovely voice... The sounds are good and it feels like it's aimed at a specific audience which is a good thing generally and in this case in particular. Lyrics are simple and straightforward which is also probably well-advised. I think maybe some simple string lines would be an idea to sort of bridge the gap in places between the bass and the higher register keyboard part. Just a thought, anyway.

Good to hear from you again...keep at it!

irwin

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« Reply #14 on: February 04, 2020, 02:04:07 PM »
Very catchy elements to this, particularly the ‘Just to think you’re not here it hurts’ line.

I can hear the reverb on the vox and synth parts but overall there seemed to be quite a dryness to the track.

Lovely singing from your vocalist.

I agree with the comments about it benefiting from a little more development.

Yodasdad

Hi Yodasdad, Thanks for high lightening the catchy nest of my lyrics and above you’ve mention the dryness of the track, I’ll say thanks to that because that needs to be looked into, very good observant from your ears I didn’t observed that until you have now bring it to my attention, I’m glad you did.

I think it is unanimous by now...everyone likes my vocalist. Thanks   

And according to these replies here I am agreeing for the more development for this track.

Your input it helps me to see something that I would have overlooks wow!!

Irwin