konalavadome

I don't know. Maybe it's love.

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hardtwistmusic

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« on: January 04, 2020, 06:31:14 PM »
Listened to a song by John Denver called "perhaps love."  Didn't like it, but I loved the concept suggested by the title.  Stole the concept, and reworded it, but I'm at the point where I have to either decide this isn't working and start over, or keep going.  I'd like some input on whether to start over, or keep going.

(I Don’t Know) Maybe it’s Love

VERSE: 
You just asked me if I loved you. 
I was just tryin not to overreact. 
I might have hesitated just a second too long. 
I know that I did as a matter of fact.

I really can’t say for sure what I’m feeling. 
It’s not like anything I’ve felt before. 
Recently, I haven’t been thinking too clearly. 
Nothing seems to make any sense any more. 

SHORT BRIDGE:   
I've got All kinds of symptoms I don't understand.
A fluttering heart and trembling hands. 
Is it more than a feeling? Is it really enough?   
I don’t know.  Maybe it’s love.

CHORUS 
I can't say for certain, I really don’t know. 
I’m afraid to hang on.  I don’t want to let go. 
I'm trying my hardest.  It just goes to show,
If you can't fight the feeling, maybe go with the flow. 
It could be a virus, a new variation.
The end on a train that's just leaving the station.
What am I feeling and thinking of? 
I don't know baby, maybe it's love.

VERSE:     
It's not just a crush or an infatuation.
It's more than a figment of my imagination. 
You fit in my life like a hand in a glove.   
I don’t know baby.  Maybe it’s love.   

Lately I haven't been thinking too clearly. 
A possible answer is that I love you dearly. 
You fit in my life like a hand in a glove.
I don't know baby, maybe it's love.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2020, 03:07:18 AM by hardtwistmusic »
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Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2020, 08:22:06 PM »
My opinion, for whatever it's worth, is keep going. I'm not much of a fan of romantic type of songs, but I do like this one. Even though it does use the word "baby" several times.  :P I just like the way it's put together, the way the phrases mesh. It's conversational and deceptively simple sounding. The weakest part for me is the section you have marked "REFRAIN". Seems to me the "heaven above/love" combo has been done a lot, but I could be wrong. I might just be biased. Anyway, everything else feels quite strong and effective to me. I can't help trying to sing it while I'm reading it. I keep hearing some kind of pop rock or bluesy treatment in my head. I really hope you do finish this, as I want to hear what it sounds like.

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #2 on: January 06, 2020, 07:21:08 AM »
My opinion, for whatever it's worth, is keep going. I'm not much of a fan of romantic type of songs, but I do like this one. Even though it does use the word "baby" several times.  :P I just like the way it's put together, the way the phrases mesh. It's conversational and deceptively simple sounding. The weakest part for me is the section you have marked "REFRAIN". Seems to me the "heaven above/love" combo has been done a lot, but I could be wrong. I might just be biased. Anyway, everything else feels quite strong and effective to me. I can't help trying to sing it while I'm reading it. I keep hearing some kind of pop rock or bluesy treatment in my head. I really hope you do finish this, as I want to hear what it sounds like.
My opinion, for whatever it's worth, is keep going. I'm not much of a fan of romantic type of songs, but I do like this one. Even though it does use the word "baby" several times.  :P I just like the way it's put together, the way the phrases mesh. It's conversational and deceptively simple sounding. The weakest part for me is the section you have marked "REFRAIN". Seems to me the "heaven above/love" combo has been done a lot, but I could be wrong. I might just be biased. Anyway, everything else feels quite strong and effective to me. I can't help trying to sing it while I'm reading it. I keep hearing some kind of pop rock or bluesy treatment in my head. I really hope you do finish this, as I want to hear what it sounds like.

I agree with you on the refrain, but I see/feel several other weak points as well.  I'll either get rid of the refrain, or find something other than the clicheic "heaven above" line.  I really just wanted to get this concept out and didn't take much time crafting the lines. 
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2020, 02:58:10 PM »
I think there is something to be said about not over-thinking, in some cases. I believe the easy-flowing, conversational effect here is at least partly due to not taking "much time crafting". So I hope you don't lose that feeling as you do your polishing.  :)