[adamwolf]

Another quiet one. I'd love all the feedback you have.


I ran for miles, now I crawl
glanced at the horizon
saw the statue fall

barbed wire and spikes,
it'll disappear
you won't believe
what it's like down here

'cause it's inside of me but I don't own it
I was bleeding as I wrote it
watch the fighter
watch the fighter collapse
and beg for it

the wound in my voice
was all too clear
but black and blue
isn't what you wanna hear

and it takes a certain kind of blade
to see this
I can't describe the pain
but I feel it
go on twist the knife and drain
all the blood
and just know that it's too late
when stone is bleeding

barbed wire and spikes,
it'll disappear
you won't believe
what it's like down here

'cause it's inside of me but I don't own it
I was bleeding as I wrote it
watch the fighter
watch the fighter collapse
and beg for it

[David Christy Jones]

The main thing that jumps out to me here is the rather intricate and interesting rhythmic phrasings on the vocals. I get the impression that you probably write as necessary to make the vocals fit, and in this case it's very effective. It means that you don't lose any interest in the otherwise minimalist approach. Keeps you on your "listening toes" so to speak.

Got to say that the lyrics are wonderfully written too, they feel quite personal to me.
I don't need to know exactly what you wrote about to understand the feeling behind them perfectly, which is quite a skill when writing "obscure" lyrics, shall we say.

A lovely piece, I look forward to hearing more!  

[cowparsleyman]

+1 @David Christy Jones - He's captured my thoughts exactly, one just has to listen to the perfect weaving of obscure lyrics, intricate simple rhtymns and husky vocal delivery, just superb.

If I were to suggest anything that could improve it for mass release would be tiny things, I'd maybe try a different guitar (a big Taylor or a Gibson maybe, along with a parlour Martin, then pick the best sounding one), new strings, longer nails on your picking hand, might just add a little brightness to it, I'd try a tiny smidgen of 'verb on the gtr, (but I wouldn't be surprised if I ditched the idea after hearing it) but leave the Vox dry, and very intimate.

The last time I heard someone that captivated me in this way was Rikki Lee Jones with her Pop-Pop album (in the 1990's), so so different from the mainstream, I used to listen to it whilst falling asleep on the sofa watching Serie A.

Keep em coming Adam, I'd be interested if there are any diversions from this style from you too.

[adamwolf]

@David Christy Jones Thanks. It means a lot what you said about the lyrics

@cowparsleyman Thanks so much! Yeah I probably need new strings :'D I'll try to put a little reverb I like the idea Thanks again!

[Sebandme]

Seriously talented young man! I get excited when I see you've posted new stuff. Great song, great lyrics and the chrous is fabulous.

[adamwolf]

@Sebandme Thanks so much, Sebastian.

[Unclenny]

What a perfectly delicate yet powerful piece. The softness of the presentation pretty much demands the listener to lean in and listen. That is then rewarded with a lyrical composition that is absolutely captivating.

I'll offer an opposite view from @cowparsleyman about the strings. I thought the sound of the slightly aged strings actually added to the feel of the song. I knew a recording artist who did similar stuff and he pointedly did not often replace his strings because he wanted just the sound that you have in this tune.

Going back for a second listen.

You could bring the overall gain of the track up a little.

[cowparsleyman]

What a perfectly delicate yet powerful piece. The softness of the presentation pretty much demands the listener to lean in and listen. That is then rewarded with a lyrical composition that is absolutely captivating.

I'll offer an opposite view from @cowparsleyman about the strings. I thought the sound of the slightly aged strings actually added to the feel of the song. I knew a recording artist who did similar stuff and he pointedly did not often replace his strings because he wanted just the sound that you have in this tune.

Going back for a second listen.

You could bring the overall gain of the track up a little.

@Unclenny - Yeah that might work too, never heard of that before....