[sarahlawrence17]

Hi! So this song's a bit of an experiment in terms of structure, it's very much a story song so I'm aware it's a bit meandering. Because the story is quite personal I wanted it to be raw in terms of its presentation, so I recorded it live outside without editing the audio in any way. As a result the guitar sounds a bit boxy and you'll hear a bit of a hiss on the mic which I decided I kind of liked and didn't want to take out.

I'd be interested to hear how it comes across to you guys and if you found it engaging despite the bare-bones production and lack of melodic hook.

https://soundcloud.com/sarahlawrencemusic/graveyard-eyes-live

Lyrics:

these streets glow bright
take your hand in the lamplight
as you’re stumbling home

walk the maze of your mind
you got your father’s eyes
he said, ‘kid, you’ll end up alone’

when you cry, it’s brutal
feels like everything i know is on the line when you call
it’s desperate and it’s wrong, and i hate you when you’re gone
but i can’t let go

’cause when you smile
i want to break your disguise
plant flowers in your graveyard eyes
although i’m ashamed
i see you holding on to shaking hands
and obscure bands
and pushing me away

it’s breaking through frost
walking with your hair wind-tossed
still lost in the secrets of your kitchen counter as i
i walk alone

in the light you’re impossible
all your switching sides
a gamble whether you can feel at all
it’s coming over soon
but i think the moon knows i want you

’cause when it’s dark
and all you feel is an old pain, truth is running through your veins
in the cold night air
you tell me you miss the taste of sunday roast
and eggs on toast
and crying cause you cared
it’s how i know you’re there
 
and you say,
‘girl, you'll never hear what you want to
i’ll never be right for you
i can't change my mind
my graveyard eyes
but I can keep them mine’

and isn't it strange the things we tell our children
even just to make them listen
grow up with them all their lives.

[CaliaMoko]

I don't know what I would have thought without your opening explanation of what you did and why, but knowing that first, it worked for me. As far as no hook, how about "Bohemian Rhapsody" or "White Rabbit"? And others...so obviously, that can work.

I admit I had a hard time following the story, especially at the end when children suddenly (and seemingly out of nowhere) showed up. But then, I'm one of those extremely literal types of people--not much good with any kind of subtlety. I think I "got" the rest of it, though, more or less. And I enjoyed the birds chirping in the background. 

[David Christy Jones]

It's a lovely recording, I wouldn't worry about that too much.
I see that you could go two ways with it - either to have it expertly produced in a studio type setting or to leave it kinda "Natural" (For want of a better word).
Personally, I've always been more a fan of the latter, which probably comes from my years of listening to Tom Waits. So the recording, with the birdsong and the air sound definitely is a winner for me.

Funnily enough, both your voice and writing approach remind me very much of a good friend of mine here in Ireland called Mide Houlihan (worth a gander!).
Your voice has a lovely warmth to it, and you manage to convey emotion with a realness and subtlety.

Some lovely lyrics - the line: "and isn't it strange the things we tell our children
even just to make them listen
grow up with them all their lives." really stuck with me.
Very true, very well observed and very hard hitting.

Well done, can't wait to hear more!

[cowparsleyman]

@sarahlawrence17 - au natrelle, very enjoyable, how on earth did you get the balance twixt gtr and vox, it’s perfect...nothing to add except that blackbird deserves a credit when you release it.

Lovely naily delivery of the gtr, one hears that more with female artists.

Stick around I want to hear more from you Sarah.

I’ll send you a link to something that turned my head...I eventually recorded my version but hers was better for the same reasons you quoted...

I’m in the bath now so I’ll whizz it off when im out..Right I'm out now and feelin chilled, well not literally, rasther warm actually...

Anyway here's the track.

https://soundcloud.com/visansayaaaaa/january-pilot

[Jamie]

Hi, very nice singing, you sold the song with great emotion. Not really a genre that I would listen to, but you are a naturally talented singer and songwriter.
Enjoyable!

Cheers
Jamie

[pompeyjazz]

A lovely song perfectly performed. It just sounds so natural.

[Bostonfan2]

I enjoyed it, Its very raw but your voice carries the emotion in the lyrics so well.

[Jambrains]

Totally worked for me in every aspect. Quite mesmerising actually. Stunning performance and I found it very melodic, hook or not. Works so well in this format but would be stellar with a fuller production as well, I'd say you have a winner here.
Me like!

[pnb99]

I’ve listened to this song about 5-6 times.

This is a good song, played well and sung with sincerity.

The lyrics are excellent and intelligently written.

I struggled a little with the chorus in the sense that lyrically it seemed  different each time through and, at times, it was difficult to differentiate the various parts of the song.

I have to say that that may just as easily be a failing on the part of the listener to appreciate anything other than repetitiveness!

One thing to consider is to drop the birdsong background. For me, the integrity and authenticity of the song is so strong that the added birdsong kind of detracted from that. Feel free to ignore this of course…its just a subjective observation. ---edit-- Just realised the birdsong was real....definitely ignore this then! ---

I enjoyed your song.

Thank you for sharing your music with me.

Hope this helps,

Paul