konalavadome

Butterflies

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Nicolajane87

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« on: November 28, 2019, 10:21:55 PM »
Just started writing this, any feedback welcome thanks.

It's not quite finished yet but this is what I've got up to now thanks.
Butterflies

I can't deny how i feel,
But i know that it's real,
When you look my way,
You take my breath away,
Youve got my heart beating so fast,
Will this feeling always last,
Cause lately I seem to find,
It's nothing but you on my mind.

You give me butterflies butterflies baby,
You make me feel so lovely inside,
And when I looked into your eyes,
I knew I wanted you to be mine,
You give me butterflies butterflies baby,
You give me chills up and down my spine,
I'm so crazy over you,
No one else makes me feel like you do.

What you do to me
I just can't explain,
24 7 your on my brain,
I wanna know
do you feel the same,
Cause I've got no time
To be playing no games,




hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2019, 10:23:39 PM »
A few suggestions  -  all related to flow of the lyric.

I   Can't deny how i feel,
But i know that it's real,
When you look my way,
You Takes my breath away,
Youve got my heart beating so fast,
Will this feeling always forever last,  (felt like it needed an extra syllable) 
Cause lately I seem to find,
It's nothing but you on my mind.

You give me butterflies  --   butterflies baby,
You make me feel so lovely inside,
And when I looked into your eyes,
I knew I wanted   needed you to be mine,
You give me butterflies  --  butterflies baby,
You give me chills up and down my spine,
I'm so crazy over you,
No one else makes me feel like you do.

What you do to me
I just can't explain,
24 7 your on my brain,
I wanna need to know
do you feel the same,
Cause I've got no time
To be playing no games,

Excellent lyric




« Last Edit: December 02, 2019, 10:28:29 PM by hardtwistmusic »
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Nicolajane87

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« Reply #2 on: December 03, 2019, 09:50:04 PM »
Thank you for the suggestions, works better already.

seriousfun

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« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2019, 10:34:39 PM »
I really like these lyrics, you have done a great job with them.

I have a tune in the back of my mind that I think would suit them right down to the ground if you are interested in letting me put the two together please send me a pm. 

I havn't been active for a few years but I think this is something I could really work with.

Great write.

Nicolajane87

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« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2019, 01:53:24 PM »
Thank you and yes I would be interested I will pm you.