[CaliaMoko]

Update 2019.11.21

The song is [probably] done now and is public--no longer private--so you need to use this link to access it now: https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/just-wait. Background vocals have been cleaned up and this is what we think is the final mix.

Update 2019.11.18

@pompeyjazz has worked his magic and I've replaced my file with his finished creation. His first version had a sax in the intro, center, and outro, but he took it out. We aren't sure the sax worked, but if you want to hear with it in, that can be arranged.

We are now interested in feedback on production--what do you think would make it better? How are the background vocals? Any other thoughts or ideas?

ORIGINAL POST

I'm not sure this is enough for a song, but I've said everything I want to say, I think. I said it twice, to make sure the point gets across. 
1. I'm NOT looking for feedback on production. I just used a canned backing and I know it needs something better, but it isn't going to happen from me. Not this year, anyway. I spent far too long trying to get something presentable just playing guitar and singing and finally gave up. I need to face the fact that production is not my area.
2. Is this enough of a song? I like it with just the one verse/chorus through twice, but I'm likely not objective.
3. Should there be vocal harmonies? I thought of adding harmonies on only the "just wait just wait just wait" part, but maybe some of the rest? I'm not sure. Maybe the part after the "oh-oo-oh-oo" part?
4. What do you think of the lyrics? Are there any spots that should get a little more attention?

https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/just-wait/s-i7fm8

JUST WAIT

Hey you! Slow down! What's all the hurry?
You run around and get so worried.
Your frantic antics won't help you solve
The problems in your life.
You dread instead of taking time
To see things in the light.

Oh-oo-oh-oo-oh just wait!
Hold on a minute!
Have a seat, take a breath,
Calm the beast beating in your chest.

Wait! Just wait! Just wait! Just wait! Just wait!
Wait! Just wait! Just wait! Just wait! Just wait!

REPEAT THE WHOLE THING

Copyright 2019 VM Goble. All rights reserved.

[pompeyjazz]

Yes ! This is fabulous @CaliaMoko would love to collab/ produce this one for you. Love that style. PM me if interested 

[MichaelA]

Hi @CaliaMoko , this is a lovely little singalong song that suits being repeated over and over.

Your idea for harmonies just on the 'wait, just wait' bit is good as it would give an almost spoken section a lift, but the rest is fine as is.

The whole thing really bounces along well. I maybe would have repeated the chorus again before the 'wait' bit.

The Oh-oo-oh-oo-oh prelude to the chorus is very catchy and inventive.

Nice work indeed and I am sure that @pompeyjazz would do you proud if you take him off on his kind offer.

[CaliaMoko]

Thanks guys! I don't have time to say much right now...it's hunting season and we're frantically getting ready.

I am taking John's offer and we are in communication. I'm excited.

More next week!

[PaulAds]

Ha ha... Excellent!

I'll be looking forward to hearing this!

[MonnoDB]

I love those lyrics, @CaliaMoko - "Ode to a Control Freak".. I recognise myself in your words, Vicki! I think you are singing to me ! Love it and cannot wait to hear the fruits of your collab!!

K

[Wicked Deeds]

There are elements of the backing which could be quite stunning once produced.  I’m looking forward to hearing John’s take on this.  some lovely melodic flourishes in the vocal. 

I’ll look out for this with interest.

Paul

[Jamie]

Hi, I agree with other comments there’s definitely a song there and John will bring his substantial talents to bear on it. Look forward to hearing the end product!
Cheers
Jamie

[shadowfax]

VVvvveeeeerrryy interesting..I await with bated breath for the next version..

[Skub]

Hey Vicki,hope all is well with you.

This is definitely a song and well worth developing,so it's good to hear you and pomps are taking it further.

[RealKevM]

A real throwback to a different era. It's tremendous Vic.

[Binladeda]

 Hi Vic  .  Hope all is well.

 Yeah, me too .  Lovely, endearing little gem of a song in there. I'm sure PJ will find it
 Especially liked the ending......

 btw...when you're out hunting, have a look for some politicians .  They might not be good eating, but I'd sure like to
 see a few of them stuffed....

 take care

[cowparsleyman]

Hi @CaliaMoko - It's a good song, like the melody line you've found...

1. OK

2. Yip, it's enough of a song.

3. Defintiely, there should be some harmonies in there, use V1 to establish the melody line, then use V2 to bring in a harmony line, or 2 (plonk 'em L and R) and it'll thicken it out nicely, maybe try and avoid having them separate all the time, i.e. 3rd about and 3rd below, it seems to sound better if they cross over into each others's territory, weaving, as it wre, around the core melody.

Another srategy would be to pick out the 'hooky' lines like 'frantic antics' and put harmonies just over those...and repeat it over other areas of the song...such as in V2 add 'frantic antics' x2 in the space at the end of Line 1 ...what's all the hurry .. frantic antics...(but as obvious backing vocals)

4. Regarding the lyrics, I just thought the 'Wait, just wait' was a waste of an opportunity, it didn't match the creativity level of the rest of the lyrics, I know your'e into prosody, I'm sure there's a really skillful line that would fit in there, even replacing just the 2nd line might work.

Hope this helps Vicky

[pompeyjazz]

Fabulous working with Vicki @CaliaMoko on this song. As Vicki said we would like to use this opportunity for the forum to be our extra sets of "ears" Thanks all 

[CaliaMoko]

FIRST OF ALL, I have replaced the original posted song on SoundCloud with John's newest master. He sent me one with a sax in it at first, but he decided to remove the sax for now. I thought it would sound bare without the sax, but it doesn't. See what you think. The sax was in the intro, middle, and outro, doubling the melody line.

The updated song is here: https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/just-wait/s-i7fm8

@MichaelA : I hadn't thought of the singalong idea, but I like it! And it kinda suits the topic of getting all carried away with stuff. Thanks!

@PaulAds : Thank you muchly! I am always honored when you like something--your stuff is so good!

@MonnoDB : Yeah, I was pretty much singing to (admonishing) myself. If I ever expanded this, I think I would try to work in something about constantly being distracted from one task by another one that catches my eye...and trying to rush to get them all done.

@Wicked Deeds : Thanks, Paul! I always worry I'll never be able to come up with another melody and it's truly gratifying when I do. As usual, I'm sure this will be the last good one I'll be able to generate. And when they come too easy, I'm sure I must have stolen it from somewhere....

@Jamie : Thank you, Jamie. I hope the new demo strikes your fancy!

@shadowfax : Thank you! And wait no longer...check out the link above (same as the original link; I've replaced the track).

@Skub : As well as can be, I think. We filled all our deer tags and have taken the results to a local plant for processing (we usually do our own, but not this year!). Hunting was stressful, but we're relaxing today. And now I have a new and somewhat unusual hunting story to tell! Which I might do in the "Bar". Meanwhile, thanks for the compliment and check out the song link with John's newest demo version of the song.

@RealKevM : Thanks, Kev. See what you think of John's demo (link above and in the original post).

@Binladeda  : Thank you! Unfortunately, we saw nothing while out hunting, so no stuffed politicians this year. Others in our group bagged enough venison to fill all our tags, though, so we're well supplied for the next year.

@cowparsleyman : See what you think about what John did with the harmonies. I like your idea to work on the "Wait! Just wait!" line and have put some thought into it. Nothing yet, but that definitely has possibilities.

Thanks so very much to everyone who has taken the time so far to comment. I hope you'll take another listen to what John has done with it. He says it's a rough mix so far, but you can get a really good idea of where he's going with it.