Echoes

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adamwolf

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« on: November 06, 2019, 09:09:07 PM »
This song is a little more of happy song than the ones I share with this forum. It feels easier to write the sad songs honestly so I never knew how I felt about the final version of this song because I'm not sure lyrically if it's cheesy or just not good enough. I wanted it to give off that vibe of conversations at night and road trips with someone or some people that have a special place in your heart even if there is no actual name for the dynamic of that relationship is it a friendship is it more that kind of thing if that makes any sense.

I just want to know if this is pleasant to listen to, if the lyrics kind of make you think of similar scenarios in your life? or are the lyrics too cheesy? is the song good? is there anything to add to make it better? all feedback is welcome and appreciated, thank you in advance


Lyrics:

verse

staying in the middle of nowhere for the night
we had no clue where we are
I went out on the porch for a cigarette
and looked at the stars

you came to join me
we started to talk
it was so cold we couldn't tell
if it was our breath or the smoke

chorus:

I heard the echoes as we laughed
we shared our last cigarette in half
I heard the echoes as we laughed

verse

went to bed at three and woke up at six
everyone had a cup of coffee I had six
& went out on the road
I listened to Springsteen & you listened to the stones


chorus

I heard the echoes as we laughed
we woke our friend sleeping in the back
I heard the echoes as we laughed

bridge

then we all went away
because things sometimes really do change
but then I saw you today
       
it was raining and we got soaked
we still remembered our inside jokes

chorus

I heard the echoes as we laughed
shared our last cigarette in half
I heard the echoes as we laughed



and though we cry
we must stay alive
let my blood only run out
when my world decides
there is no way out
of your only life
so run on...
run on

pompeyjazz

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« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2019, 09:40:35 PM »
Another really good song @adamwolf Well constructed and well delivered. You have a great unique style. Well done

Sebandme

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« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2019, 05:11:08 AM »
@adamwolf these lyrics just keep on coming dont they......fantastic!! Youve done great job on them. The chorus was again very very catchy. Like @pompeyjazz says your are very talented and unique. Keep writing man....i really like what you are doing. :)

RealKevM

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« Reply #3 on: November 15, 2019, 10:07:40 PM »
You've got a really decent vocal. Nice song.

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2019, 03:27:25 PM »
Hi Adam,

I usually prefer happy songs over sad ones, though both have their place, of course. What I've written below is based entirely on my personal opinions, so keep that in mind. I'm no expert.

1. The sound is pleasant to listen to

2. It did remind me of sitting at the truck stop smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee in my [very long ago] college/university days

3. I didn't think the lyrics were cheesy

4. I'm not a good judge of whether a song is good or not. This reminded me a little of Bob Dylan. It had a sort of droning effect, as the melody stayed quite similar throughout all the verses, choruses, and bridge.

What I think is good:
1. The way you develop the feel throughout the song--not as easy to do with one instrument and a voice as with a band or orchestra, so good job on that.
2. The lyric: it's unconventional, sweet, and nostalgic rather than sappy and predictably lovey-dovey or "I'm so sad because I lost my honey".

What I think could be improved:
1. The melody: It's very similar throughout, as I mentioned above. I recommend a more uplifting, contrasting melody for the chorus and something even more "up" for the bridge.
2. The structure:
    a. The tempo feels a bit slow and sad for a happy song. Happy songs can be slow, though, so the cheerfulness could be achieved, perhaps, another way.
    b. I'm a fan of prosody, so I look at things like whether the song is "stable" or "unstable" and whether the structure of the song supports it. I would consider your song stable, as it is not portraying sadness or conflict. Perfect prosody would suggest using uniform line lengths with even rhythms, even numbers of lines per verse/chorus/bridge, a major key (you got that part), and perfect rhymes. Now, I don't think it's necessary to be a slave to prosody, but I think it's good to try to lean in that direction.

All that being said, I don't think you need to tear your song apart and try to meet all the "improvements" (in quotes because this is, remember, all just my personal opinions) I mentioned. It's just food for thought and, if you're still working on the song, you could consider how you might incorporate some of these ideas.

I hope something here is helpful to you.

Sincerely,
Vicki

Inanité_sonore

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« Reply #5 on: December 26, 2019, 09:15:46 AM »
Hi,

I like your piece. The lyrics are not cheesy, you managed to capture moments of life in a touching way.
On the other hand, I find the interpretation and the melody rather sad or melancholic than joyful, which I personally like but which is not, as I understood it, what you wanted.
Maybe you're made to write sad songs  ;) And, believe me, it's not that simple!
I agree with what was said about Dylan.