[Jamie]

Hi all, a new offering!I know it's nearly 7 mins lol, one day I'll think about the length of the song before I get too far into recording it! Anyway, I've had these chords around for ages, finally wrote a song with them! All comments constructive comments welcome.
Cheers
Jamie
https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/time

Time

If I fall into the sky
Will the sun wave goodbye
My feet must have stepped on too many cracks
Maybe thats why my world has collapsed

Gravity pulls me down
I need time theres no more to be found
In the clouds thought I was flying I was falling
Angel smiles I heard her calling out to me

Sparks ignite a flash of light
Fall out the sky butterfly
Hear the words whispered so soft
Saying a prayer now you are lost

If the moon breaks my heart
And the stars pull my soul apart
Hands don't stop the clock keeps on ticking
Rivers flow and the World keeps on spinning

Time to search
Time to speak
Time to be silent
Time to keep to throw away
Time to decay

Time to love
Time to hate
Time to be born
And a time to die

[pompeyjazz]

Wah ! @Jamie another very fine submission from yourself. I always love your wonderful chord changes and the way that you are able to build songs. This was very atmospheric. I particularly liked the subtle harmony bv's and one helluva a guitar solo. I guess if you were going to work to a more conventional length song you could drop out a verse / chorus but that's such a frigging obvious thing to say. I enjoyed it as it is. Top work as usual 

[MonnoDB]

Mellow and lovely @Jamie ... I too like those chord progressions.. I'm guessing from comments to you and from yours to me that that's a thing of yours.. I've been known to get excited by the odd chord so I'm excited to hear more of your stuff for that alone. Anyway, I digress. This is lovely - everything about it. Vocal, instrumentation, mood, guitar solo (wow!)... All accomplished and rather fab really.. And where did the time go? Doesn't feel that long - I even gave it a second spin! Great stuff

K

[cowparsleyman]

@Jamie - +1 what PJ says, id jst drop a verse...adding a double of the LVox track to naturally thicken it, don’t just copy it, those are always best re tracked.

Probably brought the BVs in earlier...

The acoustic gtr sounds a little’bedroomy’ if you know what i mean, might add a bit of eq twixt the LVox and bass to bring it out...make it wider too...

Also id put some bottom end on the bass gtr and roll off the top.

Hope this helps

[shadowfax]

The King of mellow has posted!!!..great track, I agree with CPM and also reckon you could reduce the gap between the lines at the beginning of the song..

[PaulAds]

Lovely stuff, Jamie.

Didn't feel like it was too long to me, really...horses for courses, etc

Acoustic guitar sounded a little lo-fi, I thought...and the bass could've been a little fatter maybe?

Vocals are lovely...a treat for the ears.

[Skub]

Yo Jamie.

6.44 minutes long? That's about 3 of my songs! 

What a great melody this piece has,everything in it's place and sounding great.

The acoustic guitar became a bit wearing for me about halfway through,maybe vary that sound a little? I'd also be in the camp of doing an abridged version. Or tell me to stfu. 

Cool guitar towards the end and great vocals/BVs all around.

Loads to love Jamie,I'd tweak a little more and make it all to love.

[MichaelA]

I'm a sucker for descending progressions, which together with the instrumentation tones made a great combination. Vocal is very delicate and entrancing.

I don't suppose you need to worry about length if you are going for an audience that will seriously give the time to listen. But for a wider audience I would probably clip it a little, even though you've paced this really well.

But overall it's a lovely offering, with some added sensational power and drama towards the end - and those occasional backing vocals are sublime. Great listen, thanks.

[Jamie]

Hi guys, thanks for the feedback. Ive edited the track and changed the bass and acoustic guitars as suggested (I think!)


https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/time-v2

Let me know if this is going in the righty direction! I'll comment on your individual comments later!

Cheers and thanks


Jamie

[Jamie]

Hi all thanks for the feedback. I’ve resposted the song with an edit and some changes to eq. The link is in my post above.


@pompeyjazz  hi john, I decided to take advice from you and one or two others and cut out a verse. I think it does make it a bit punchier but it’s still a long song .Glad you enjoyed it, and mentioned the build which I try to get but n a subtle way hopefully.
Thanks again!
@MonnoDB hi Karen, thanks for your great comments, yes unusual chords and progressions are definitely one of my things. Glad you enjoyed it!

@cowparsleyman thanks for the feedback I’ve tinkered with the ac guitars and bass, and took a verse out. Let me know what you think!

@shadowfax hi Kevin, glad you enjoyed it, king of mellow lol. See comments above re song length!

@Skub hi Skub, thanks for your cool comments, note I’ve done an abridged version!

@MichaelA hi, thanks for your great comments,so glad you enjoyed it.Maybe you’ll also enjoy the short version too!

Cheers guys thanks for the great feedback!

Jamie

[Binladeda]

 Hey Jamie, ...been a while .  (I still got my stand alone Boss )

 Loved the song.  I can easily see why you went for the long shot   Difficult to stop something so good......
 It's definitely not to long for me. I'm on my 3rd listen

 Reminds me of the long tracks that bands like Yes and Pink Floyd used to do.  Had me floating away mate
 Great Vox, great guitars, great composition, great everything.

 Powerful stuff my friend....a 'dream' of a song 

[Wicked Deeds]

@Jamie

Fine melody here.  Lovely choice of musical intervals. There are some very beautiful moment/touches on the production. Beatles shine through as an influence. I really like the loose, relaxed  feel of the production. This is entertaining enough to not make sure song length a problem. You could also make a shortened version quiet easily if you chose to. Guitar solo provides an interesting and welcome addition to your song. Cool!

Paul

[Jamie]

Hi guys, thanks for the feedback, it's appreciated!

Hi Bin, how are you? Hope all is good with you. Thanks for the great comments. I think it's just us 'more mature' guys that don't need the instant gratification of short songs . Any way Iv'e posted a shortened version which is a bit punchier and hopefully have polished the guitar sounds too! I too am a child of the prog rock period ELP, Yes, Genesis, Zappa were all my heroes, which I think is why I don't tend to worry about the length of songs, but I understand those comments.
Great to hear from you and I still have my Boss too . Love the 'dream' comment!

Ho Paul, thanks for the great comments, yep always loved the Beatles too! Glad the length wasn't a problem for you, but I've done a shortened version too which is posted in a previous comment. Yes, I'm pleased you liked the guitar solo. I Knew what the notes of it were going to be before I payed it, and got it first take!

Thanks again guys

Cheers
Jamie