Songwriter Forum > Feedback on Finished songs
If A Mountain Crashed (Acoustic)
adamwolf:
Hello. This is the first song I put on here and I would appreciate any and all feedback.
I never got any feedback on my stuff so if you tell me what you thought honestly, what's good whether lyrically or melody wise, what could be better, and what's bad, I would owe you a lot! Like just whatever you think, if I have potential or not, if I'm ready to do open mics or not, that kinda thing. Thank you in advance!
https://soundcloud.com/adamjosephwolf/if-a-mountain-crashed
Lyrics
if a mountain crashed one day
it would turn to dust
I'm making do with what I have
and maybe it's not much
it was my time to break free
but i guess you lied to me
I don't know why it's so easy
for you to forget about me
for so long I've been alone, i can feel the loneliness
catching up with me
I pulled the knife out on my own, but I confessed
that it's killing me
I'll go back in time
wipe that smile off my face
see how I sleep tonight
knowing my fate
smash this mirror say I'm done
I've had enough with looking away
I didn't always need someone
but what doesn't kill you is bound to win one day
for so long I've been alone I can feel the loneliness
catching up with me
I pulled the knife out on my own but I confessed
that it's killing me
if a mountain crashed one day
it would turn to dust
I'm making do with what I have
and maybe it's not much
I don't have a lot of skill in the guitar playing or any sort of music production so as much as ideas of how that would benefit the song would be highly appreciated, it's not something I can do at the moment.
Sebandme:
@adamwolf i absolutely love the chorus on this it has something i dunno what but i got gooosebumps and thats my indication on how good things are.......also awesome lyrics honestly really good. Only thing id say would be the melody in the verses could be better could be a bit more hooky.....Ive no suggestions tho i need to play around with it.
But man well done. 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
adamwolf:
--- Quote from: Sebandme on October 10, 2019, 10:52:17 AM ---@adamwolf i absolutely love the chorus on this it has something i dunno what but i got gooosebumps and thats my indication on how good things are.......also awesome lyrics honestly really good. Only thing id say would be the melody in the verses could be better could be a bit more hooky.....Ive no suggestions tho i need to play around with it.
But man well done. 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
--- End quote ---
thank you so much!
PaulAds:
Pretty good song...
I liked the lyrics a lot...they aren't run-of-the-mill by any means...and I think you could have real talent there. I think the guitar playing is nice and crisp and you've got a pretty good voice too. Some good use of dynamics and stops/starts in there as well...I think you'd do well at a few open-mics etc...it's good practice for you too.
Nice work!
Ps Don't worry...it won't crash (the mountain) :-)
Andreas:
@adamwolf - To be the first song you've put here, it is amazing! The lyrics are fantastic, and the chorus is so spot on and so relatable for me that has gone through some tough times over the years, but the words in the chorus spoke to me about my struggle with depression and anxiety.
For the verse, I could have heard it a little bit faster, and maybe some fingerpicking on the guitar instead, but still, it's a good song with lots of potentials. You also build up a lot of drama/tension in the song with the way you play the guitar.
Well done man! :)
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