[Neil C]

Hi,
Here's an interesting song about immigration. I received the lyrics out of the blue in an email from a lovely guy i've co-written with on songwriting retreats. No instructions or "Hi Neil would you like to.."

But there were pretty inspiring imho. So here it is in a singer songwriter style. Any suggestions welcomed as I think I'd like to go into a pro studio to redo vocals etc.

:-)
neil

https://soundcloud.com/neilconnor-2/becoming-an-american-july-2019

Red Ford pickup, white picket fence
Yellow ribbons, flower on the corner

I didn’t talk, Its easier that way
No one likes a wise ass or a new kid on the block

I tried fishing. I tried donuts
Could be back at sea. Salt’s a taste I can’t forget
 
We all try to remember, we all try to forget
I see what you cannot
Name the stem and petals. Forget me not
 
Searching for sun, the darkness kept me in
In the underbelly where there’s no food

Rubber boats. Deserts without air
Shoes without soul. Kicks that land and kicks that miss.

We all try to remember, we all try to forget
I see what you cannot
Name the stem and petals. Forget me not
 
Hey what’s your name? Where you from?
Stuck on repeat. Stuck. On repeat
Low fi. Low. Below. There was only sounds we didn’t make
 
I became an American. I tried to work it out
Become the water for the drought
 
I pick my moment. No one likes the new kid but they all like to fish.
Get a meal on the table. Its what we do
 
We all try to remember, we all try to forget
I see what you cannot
Name the stem and petals. Forget me not

c wells/connor 2019

[pompeyjazz]

Hey, isn't that great getting lyrics like that Neil  Really enjoyed reading the lyrics. Up to your usual high standard Neil. Like it when the acoustic drops in on voice two. Also the breakdown is very effective. Your vocals sound pretty damn good to me. Lots of light and shade here as well.

Top tune Neil 

[digger72]

Hi Neil,

So just an email with some words and nothing else? 
Crikey, I thought some of my work colleague's emails were abrupt.

We'll you've made a good song from them.
Production is really good on this.
The panning of the vocal threw me a little during the "Hey, what's your name" part. Some how seemed a littler abrupt the shift from centre to off centre and back again.

Great that you can just take some random words and fashion a song. Unless mine are of a certain style - it just can't do anything with them.

All the best,
Digger

[PaulAds]

Great set of lyrics to which you've given a very nice light and pensive musical setting.

The words are a little free-form in places, I thought, and that maybe makes it sound more open-ended...but I really like that slightly rambling, wide-open spaces kind of thing.

Very tastefully produced too :-)

[Skub]

Yo Neil.

Loving the oblique slant on those lyrics,leaves room for the imagination. I try to do that sometimes,but end up rambling! 

A quality song,as ever.

[Paulski]

Hi Nei
Quality production and playing on this track.
I really like the chorus when it comes around.
I think it needs a trimming and the verses' lines should rhyme more but i'm a rhymey slimey guy as you know.
Nice work
Paul

[moraamarolaloba]

very deep lyrics, full of images and reality... Congratulations.

[Neil C]

pompeyjazz "your vocals sound pretty damn good to me" Lots of light and shade here as well" thanks for that :-)

digger, hi re middle section vocal panning, its a stereo panning fx, just thoughts I'd do something for this section.. And then you go back to the regular vocals, maybe that's a bit abrupt..

PaulAds, 'free form and open ended' you sort of get glimpses which I think is quiet powerful

Skub, Hi, I know what you mean, leaving room for imagination and being direct and to the point are both valid approaches.

Paulski, cheers for the feedback. I know what you mean about rhyming schemes ad I do normally but given the words were pretty much formed I work with them. Perhaps have a go at non-rhyming lyrics, they can make the words stand out..

Katie, thanks and agree with your regarding the lyrical images

[MichaelA]

Funny that despite the title the song sounds so quintessentially English. Reminds me a bit of Tom Robinson in the eighties, with the vulnerable English gent vocals and simple but poignant delivery. Some lovely instrumentation on show, I really liked the guitar work, felt languid and effortless,  and the wide sound of the rhythm guitar strumming away, great.

I did think the piano was a bit too staccato, could have had a little more sustain on it or else played a little more softly. But apart from that the 'band' gelled really well, and that understated chorus really sticks with you after first listen. Cool stuff!