Songwriter Forum > Feedback on Finished songs
No More Tears
MonnoDB:
Hi All,
Here's another cheery number from me :)! Ok, it's not at all cheery.. a bit of a theme of mine and the one that brought me to writing and then songwriting.. But it is what it is I guess - sometimes they just pop out.
Sounding Board O'@Jambrains is as always to be thanked for input and support in the background :)
As usual I've gotten to that certain point in the mixing when I can't hear what I need to change.. yes, even in 1+1s.. So any and all feedback is appreciated.. Be brutally honest please!
Karen.
https://soundcloud.com/monnodb/no-more-tears
I am numb
I’ve forgotten how to feel
I have become
An impenetrable shell of steel
I won’t succumb
To their appeals
They beat their drum
But I will not reveal
What goes on inside my head
I won’t be drawn, I can’t be read
I’ve run out of tears to shed
My oath is etched upon your grave
I won’t let go, I won’t be saved
I am alone
It’s best that way
I ignore the phone
I have no words today
If they think that I’m not home
Maybe they’ll go away
Cos they just want to know
What I cannot say
What goes on inside my head
I won’t be drawn, I can’t be read
I’ve run out of tears to shed
My oath is etched upon your grave
I won’t let go, I won’t be saved
My words are only mine to hear
I made a promise I will keep
I close my eyes and you’re with me
For now I've everything I need
What goes on inside my head
My vision’s dull, my passion’s dead
I have no heart, I’ve stone instead
My oath is etched upon your grave
I won’t let go, I won’t be saved
MichaelA:
Hi Karen, well this is a very sombre number and I hardly feel qualified to comment, what with my daft songs about ugly babies etc!
Still, I did love that very dramatic and moody piano for a start and thought this song really suited that stripped back 1+1 treatment.
You have a very pithy vocal style that mixes bitterness with an underlying sweetness, and a Celtic gift for melody and poetry that all blends together to concoct a really unique appeal. Sparing harmonies all added to the beauty of it all.
(But if you are ever over in Liverpool me and my missus will take you out on a daft and drunken night out and get all this misery out of you once and for all ;D ...just joking, of course!)
Another very unique and special song to add to an already quality collection!
shadowfax:
Very dark and quite theatrical, I could hear this as part of a West end show such as Les Miserables for instance, all I would suggest is maybe introducing some dark moody strings in the last third but otherwise..a very strong piece.. :)
MonnoDB:
@shadowfax thanks so much Kevin. Hear you on the strings but I really suck at that sort of thing and anyway with dark songs like this sometimes I think strings can push them over the emotional edge.. but I think that's just me.. ;D
Haha @MichaelA I'd say that would be quite a night!! I'm happy to report that songwriting is a very effective route for my misery ;D ;D. The rest of the time I'm a cheery sort :)! And while some of the misery in my songs is personal, not all of it is, to me at least :)!
--- Quote from: MichaelA on October 03, 2019, 11:01:48 PM ---
(But if you are ever over in Liverpool me and my missus will take you out on a daft and drunken night out and get all this misery out of you once and for all ;D ...just joking, of course!)
--- End quote ---
Thanks a mill for the lovely comments... they are very much appreciated.
K
Sebandme:
Very well crafted song, a very unique voice which i liked.
Thought it had a really cool melody to it :)
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