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RealKevM

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« on: September 30, 2019, 11:57:58 AM »
So i've finally recorded a demo of this song of mine that i've had kicking around for a couple of years. I always felt there was something missing and I finally figured out what it was - it sounds a lot better in this different key lol

I'm more after critique on the song itself as the recording quality doesn't concern me at the minute as it's a first demo. Any advice on the phrasing and lyrics, how are my vocals. As I always I appreciate the time taken to have a listen to my songs.

Never seen you before but i'm sure
My dad he knows yours
As you take a drag of that fag
that's in your hand
Lipstick smudged lips look like
You've just been kissed
But that was probably an hour ago

Chorus
You look at me and you give me that glance
The one that tells me to come on take my chance
But I don't mind
No I don't move
I'm just not that into you

2nd Verse

And it's next week we must be stuck
On some kind of repeat
Because we're here again and I see your face
It must be boring cos you're clearly just ignoring
The fact that no one seems to notice you



LukeArmstrongMusic

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« Reply #1 on: September 30, 2019, 04:34:21 PM »
I love the sound and melody on the guitar and your voice just gets better for each song. Believe it or not, this song was very relateable from time in college :p Nice work Kev! :)
Where the Hills are young, the Souls are old

https://soundcloud.com/lukearmstrongmusic

pompeyjazz

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« Reply #2 on: September 30, 2019, 08:00:18 PM »
I'm really liking your much more confident vocal delivery @RealKevM .My thoughts excluding production are that the story isn't quite finished,  so maybe after chorus 2 you include a M8 or breakdown then have a V3 to wind up the story and let us know what happened  :) Anyway,  just my thoughts and I'm really enjoying listening to your output  :)

RealKevM

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« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2019, 08:54:27 PM »
Thanks guys, yeah Luke that's the setting/vibe i'm looking for with this i'm glad you picked up on it :)

Good idea @pompeyjazz I could develop this further hmmm..thanks for listening guys :)

cowparsleyman

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« Reply #4 on: October 02, 2019, 07:28:29 PM »
Kev - yeah, this is very good, you could applya kind of Squeeze vibe to it, with high and low almost spoken vocal lines, why not try something different.

I'll be watching with interest.

RealKevM

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« Reply #5 on: October 05, 2019, 07:21:34 AM »
Cheers for the encouragement man, i'll have a play about

Inanité_sonore

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« Reply #6 on: October 07, 2019, 07:34:43 PM »
Hi,
There's a good energy, the song is catchy. The grit in the voice is really good.
Keep going, it's an excellent foundation  ;)

RealKevM

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« Reply #7 on: October 08, 2019, 09:15:57 AM »
Thank you so much, I should have done a 'cleaner' recording listening back so i'm glad you can see some potential in the song. Thank you for your kind words :)

adamwolf

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« Reply #8 on: October 20, 2019, 06:56:42 PM »
I like the lyrics, I agree with @pompeyjazz we need closure on the story. Overall the lyrics on their own give off the vibe I think you were going for very well, so good job. If I were you I'd do a little changing up to the melody of the chorus.
Also since you said we should give feedback on the phrasing, I feel like it would work better to say something like

"Never seen you here before but I'm sure
My dad, he knows yours
I watch your lips as you take a drag of that fag
And your smudged lipstick
Looks like you've just been kissed"


The "But that was probably an hour ago" could be like a refrain but the kind that isn't necessarily the same exact line at the end (and almost sounds like it's not part of the verse like you leave a few seconds before you say it) of every verse but they rhyme with each other so in the second one you could have a last line similar to that...I'm sure there is a word for what I'm trying to explain that I don't know lol

Anyway...it's not necessarily that I think this is better (you'll probably hate it :"D) but my point is just a tiny bit of tweaking would go a long way. But overall I like it
let my blood only run out when my world decides
so run on...
run on

RealKevM

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« Reply #9 on: November 01, 2019, 11:07:01 PM »
Cheers @adamwolf I get what you're suggesting and it sounds good, i'm going to give it a try. Thank you man.

RealKevM

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« Reply #10 on: December 03, 2019, 02:28:30 PM »
I'm still working on this one, I wrote it about 18 months ago and the way it has come on is encouraging (it's some of my favourite lyrics). Here's a sit down live acoustic version, I think it's the best version to date but who knows? Please have a listen and let me know what you think