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RealKevM:
So i've finally recorded a demo of this song of mine that i've had kicking around for a couple of years. I always felt there was something missing and I finally figured out what it was - it sounds a lot better in this different key lol

I'm more after critique on the song itself as the recording quality doesn't concern me at the minute as it's a first demo. Any advice on the phrasing and lyrics, how are my vocals. As I always I appreciate the time taken to have a listen to my songs.

Never seen you before but i'm sure
My dad he knows yours
As you take a drag of that fag
that's in your hand
Lipstick smudged lips look like
You've just been kissed
But that was probably an hour ago

Chorus
You look at me and you give me that glance
The one that tells me to come on take my chance
But I don't mind
No I don't move
I'm just not that into you

2nd Verse

And it's next week we must be stuck
On some kind of repeat
Because we're here again and I see your face
It must be boring cos you're clearly just ignoring
The fact that no one seems to notice you


Andreas:
I love the sound and melody on the guitar and your voice just gets better for each song. Believe it or not, this song was very relateable from time in college :p Nice work Kev! :)

pompeyjazz:
I'm really liking your much more confident vocal delivery @RealKevM .My thoughts excluding production are that the story isn't quite finished,  so maybe after chorus 2 you include a M8 or breakdown then have a V3 to wind up the story and let us know what happened  :) Anyway,  just my thoughts and I'm really enjoying listening to your output  :)

RealKevM:
Thanks guys, yeah Luke that's the setting/vibe i'm looking for with this i'm glad you picked up on it :)

Good idea @pompeyjazz I could develop this further hmmm..thanks for listening guys :)

cowparsleyman:
Kev - yeah, this is very good, you could applya kind of Squeeze vibe to it, with high and low almost spoken vocal lines, why not try something different.

I'll be watching with interest.

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