[t.wretborn]

Hello nice music people!

I was lucky to be unemployed for a few weeks recently, had time to do a song. Not the happiest of lyrics but dont pity, got a new great job and I feel better than I have done in years =)

Anyway. This is a sort of 2in1 song and i wrote the 2nd part first and then had to write a first part that could fit to it. I struggled quite a bit with that and was close to give up. But i think i managed to write something and fuse them together ok. I guess thats one thing I want feedback on. Is it ok or is it just annoying and weird? Hard to judge myself after hearing it so much. And of course the song as a whole. good stuff bad stuff. Im here to learn so dont be afraid to give negative feedback.

https://soundcloud.com/user-652929989/final-storm

Silence
Only the echoes of yesterday
Ringing in my head
As i stumble on the words I say

I realize
That what I said didn’t mean a thing
When there is a spark of light
And a change in the way you sing

You dance towards another diamond
I dance towards another storm
You’ll lead until we both bleed
And see the things I already see now

Every night
When I drift to my wildest fears
Where not one thing is bright
I am certain we are losing years

Dreams arise
From the dust of this crumbled scene
They are so pure and clean
That you forget how this hell has been

You dance towards another diamond
I dance towards another storm
You’ll lead until we both bleed
And feel the pain I already feel

Oh I
Cant go on like this
Can not take one more stride
Please let go of my hand

Why cant you see you are nothing
Without me
That Im the one who will run
To set you free
And all the steps I have taken always alone, always for you
will be in vain if you leave, if you forsake me again

[Jamie]

Hi, not really a genre I know too much about, but I can hear the Swedish dance roots in there. Well played and sung, enjoyed it. My issues were it was maybe 30 seconds or so too long( I say this and instantly recognise that I always let songs run on ), and the rocked up guitar playing sort of distracted from the smooth vibe that the rest of the song had. Maybe just a personal taste thing , but a good listen nevertheless!
Cheers
Jamie

[cowparsleyman]

hi @t.wretborn

Sorry to hear of your misfortune, employment and that everything is better now.

I really like this, like the pumping synth in the background, great LVox and production is excellent.

Very strong hooks, found it goes on a bit, lost it's magnetism around 2:45 would have been OK to start slowish fading it up to 3:00 - 3:15, a stop and a heartfelt return to the opening lines might also have worked, sometimes that's an  effective way to stop a song that's going on a bit.

Nice work indeed.

Hope this helps

Rich

[PaulyX]

Hi there, for me things really kick off here around the 2 minute mark (I guess that's the "second part" you mention?).  Yeah, I thought the transition worked just fine; the song does have 2 chapters to it but they have enough in common for it not to feel forced.  I prefer the second half of the song - the first half was good but maybe slightly too 'Eurodisco' for my personal tastes; if you do decide to trim the length down as others have suggested, I'd be inclined to cut from the first half if anywhere.  But I didn't really feel it was too long and second half was well worth waiting for - thought the production was really full and balanced there, and the range of instruments expanded to great effect.  Very nice track that goes on a journey.

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

Well it's not really my thing but I think it works fine....moves seamlessly into the second part. The instrumental section in between sets up the second bit nicely in fact.

In contrast to Jamie I like the rocky guitar...it isn't really that rock/heavy is it...and think it works well with the way the song picks up vocally.

I'm in the PaulyX camp here. I didn't find the song too long either. The differing sections probably help there and the more singalong/wave your arms in the air second half deserves to be allowed to go on as long as you like.

It all sounds very good.

[t.wretborn]

@Jamie
Yeah I wanted a softer fist half but i really need to bring my guitar to the music shop for intonation. It cant do a lot of work in soft sections as it sound like crap. Can only use it in more rocky parts were its not as clear that its out of tune and i can hide it a little with some vibrato. So it had to be electronic
I was afraid that it was getting too long so I made it as short as i could by skipping intro and outro. hehe
Cheers!

@cowparsleyman
Thanks man!
That is true. I tend to build songs up up up up. Will keep that in mind for next time i find myself spinning out of control again =)

@PaulyX
Thanks! I like the second part more too. Dont know what happened, I used to play metal on now im doing disco pop 

@Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra
Thank you!
I had a way more rocky guitar at first but took it down a lot. I think its close to being too much at some parts but it felt really empty without it so i just left it there.

[rightly]

Really enjoyed this.
80's pop sound.
Guitar toward the end came very welcome.
Do you have a Scottish accent- voice sounds great.

Good job.

[adamfarr]

Love the driving rhythms here - really effective at pulling us in.

Fusing stuff is often a good thing to try - here I don't think I could hear which bit was which, so it seemed to work.

"You dance towards another diamond / I dance towards another storm" is a top quality line. In fact, even though I liked the final section, I felt I wanted that chorus back at the end. So maybe I would try to have the final section as a bridge and would go back into the same chorus (keeping the same energy)...

But it's still a really good and enjoyable song for sure.

[Sebandme]

Love the vocals.......it felt depeche mode type of thing to me.

Some great guitar in there also.

Well done

[shadowfax]

Enjoyed this from start to finish...no crits from me..it's excellent my friend

[Skub]

Ooh,I found this quite a lovely track,gonna give it a few more plays for sure.

It kind of is a song of two parts,but the transition is sweetly handled and the song is cohesive and works well as a whole.

Super production and mix. One to be justifiably proud of. 

[MichaelA]

The song is skilfully structured and builds up really well. The earlier section has some appealing melodic twists and a lovely vocal delivery. I wouldn't have expected that the heavier section would follow, but you pull that off really well too, especially through the transition. That guitar section in the latter part is slightly retro these days, but very enjoyable all the same and well executed - and I was impressed how it didn't become too guitar-hero indulgent, so that the real hero of the song was still the vocal and its cool melodic journey that it took us on. 

[t.wretborn]

Thanks to everyone that listened and commented!

@Rightly
I'm Swedish but we swedes hate our accent so if you say Scottish I'll take that thank you!

@adamfarr
Thank you! I was actually thinking about how to end this song but it was already close to 4:30 so I decided to just cut it off.

@Sebandme
Thanks =)

@shadowfax
Thanks a lot mate!

@Skub
Thank you and thanks for reposting

@MichaelA
Thank you! Haha sometimes I manage to hold back on the guitars:) but it's so fun to solo that it's easy to forget to check if it it's good or not hehe

[pompeyjazz]

Just caught up with this on @t.wretborn Thought that this was very well put together. I loved the way that you built it up in the first half of the song and then rocked it up in the second half. Excellent playing and production is very accomplished. Really enjoyed the listen