Ride (need a new name for the song)

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AnnaLina

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« on: September 21, 2019, 06:39:22 AM »
Just wrote this song, haven't found a name yet, let me know if you if you have an idea.


I'm gonna screw this up, am I not?

You've met me at the wrong time
Fireworks and all that
I was gonna take you for a ride
The kind that never crash

Until it does
And it doesn't stop
God I don't even remember the rush
Fuck


Don't you miss me, cause I do

You fell hard as I flew high
I forgot it never lasts
Now you're a blind passenger on this ride
You think this rollercoaster is a blast

Until it's not
And it doesn't stop
God I dont even remember the rush
Fuck


Don't you miss me, cause I do

I get high of these colors, they light up my brain
And you love all these colors, but no one likes the rain

I'm gonna screw this up

Don't you miss me, cause I do
« Last Edit: September 21, 2019, 12:52:39 PM by AnnaLina »

Sebandme

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« Reply #1 on: September 21, 2019, 05:06:14 PM »
Any music for it? Be cool to hear it

AnnaLina

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« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2019, 03:12:20 PM »
Sure! I only have a quick phone-recording, but it should give you and idea of melody and feel :-)

https://soundcloud.com/annalinadk/ride/s-j2a6W

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #3 on: September 30, 2019, 09:59:52 PM »
Some Suggestions:  Use if you want.  Ignore if you want. 

I'm gonna screw this up, am I not?

You've met me at the wrong time
Fireworks and all that
I was gonna take you for a ride
A ride that would not crash

[bBut it did
And it didn't stop
Now, I don't even remember the rush
Fuck[/b]

Don't you miss me, cause I do (who do you miss here.  Him/her, or yourself?  It's unclear) -- Might try "Don't you miss me, cause I do -- miss you.  (if that's what you mean.)

You fell hard as I flew high
I forgot it never lasts
Now you're a blind passenger on this ride
You think this rollercoaster is a blast       (This verse is as perfect as it could be.  Wonderful word pictures.) 


Until it's not
And it doesn't stop.
God I dont even remember the rush
Fuck


Don't you miss me, cause I do

I get high of (on?)  these colors, they light up my brain
And you love all these colors, but no one likes the rain

I'm gonna screw this up

Don't you miss me, cause I do

Great imagery.  Great concept.  Great delivery on the concept.  If any of the suggestions are useful to what you intended, use them.  If not, that's cool too.   --   Oh yeah.  My choice of titles for this song would be "Until It's Not."  Might require an additional use of the chorus to pull that off as a title.
« Last Edit: September 30, 2019, 10:04:38 PM by hardtwistmusic »
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LukeArmstrongMusic

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« Reply #4 on: October 20, 2019, 08:49:25 PM »
 @AnnaLina - I think "Ride" is a fitting title since it is a word you repeat in both verses, maybe you should have had a line with "Ride" in the bridge as well to make it complete, but the word tells the story this song tells.

I would take up on @hardtwistmusic suggestion on the first chorus, cause it quite doesn't fit the song right now, with how the first verse is. And also "Don't you miss me, cause I do", isn't quite clear who you miss. You could also use a phrase from that line as a title as well.

The second verse is flawless, and the whole song paints a good picture, and you sang it well :)
Where the Hills are young, the Souls are old

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cowparsleyman

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« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2019, 11:17:00 AM »
@AnnaLina - good demo, lovely vocal delivery, love the nails clicking on the keys...to me it adds to the personality of the song.

Maybe danger up the endings of some of the lines to add variation,

Maybe a Mid8 would help...

Lots to work with
 
Hope this helps

Rich

AnnaLina

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« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2019, 07:55:14 PM »
Hey guys. Thanks for the feedback, very very helpful!

I think I need to try and rethink the "dont you miss me" part, cause as you point out, it's unclear what it means, and I see that it's misunderstood. So the line doesn't work. But I'm still not sure how else to say it. Really it means exactly what it says.. "Dont you miss me? cause I do"(as in I also miss myself/the person I was on a high, opposed to the person I now am on my lowest). Any suggestions? :-D

Best wishes!

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #7 on: November 07, 2019, 07:18:29 PM »
How about --  "I miss who I was.  Do you?"
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Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.