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Peaches

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Paulski

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« on: September 13, 2019, 07:50:29 PM »
I was literally driving my car with a peach in my jacket pocket when this came to me. Does it work?

Peaches

She started her life on a Georgia farm
Red hair, pink cheeks - all part of her charm
Out in the orchard, pickin' the fruit
Workin' and learnin' a lesson or two, like..

Peaches don't like to be knocked around
They're easily bruised and the bruise turns brown
They're the sweetest thing that can ever be found
But peaches don't like to be knocked around

At sixteen she married a heartless brute
His eyes were as wicked as hers were blue
And she found herself on the receiving end
Of the kick and the punch of an angry man, but

Peaches don't like to be knocked around
They're easily bruised and and the bruise turns brown
They're the sweetest thing that can ever be found
But peaches don't like to be knocked around

One day he was raging, especially rough
And Peaches decided she'd had enough
So she drug up an axe from the basement floor
And she swung as he came through the bedroom door

So he never can bruise her anymore

'cause..
Peaches don't like to be knocked around
They're easily bruised and the bruise turns brown
They're the sweetest thing that can ever be found
The sweetest thing that can ever be found
Yes, the sweetest thing that can ever be found...

But Peaches don't like to be knocked around.
« Last Edit: September 24, 2019, 04:42:32 PM by Paulski »

redrhodie

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« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2019, 08:42:14 PM »
Yup, it works. It's great. The only thing I'd change is instead of he doesn't "abuse" her anymore, he doesn't "bruise" her any more.

Look forward to hearing what you do with it. I hope there's some kind of Bernard Hermann- type thing when the axe comes out. 😊


pompeyjazz

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« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2019, 09:06:14 PM »
It works for me Mr @Paulski but what was the peach doing in your jacket pocket. Don't ya know they get all squidgy  ;D

adamfarr

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« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2019, 10:22:46 AM »
Ouch. Nice storytelling. For some reason I didn't quite hear the word "wounds" as fitting well - maybe you could turn it around "they're easily harmed and their bruises turn brown" - or something!

Neil C

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« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2019, 12:15:48 PM »
Paul,
Its a yes for me.
The chorus song particularly catchy or should I say peachy in my head as I read it.
:-)
Neil
songwriter of no repute..

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2019, 05:48:11 AM »
This reminded me of "Gunpowder and Smoke" by Miranda Lambert.  In both, I guess what I find missing is any real sense that leaving was impossible, so killing him was the only option.  Killing the abuser (in real life, and in stories/songs) should be a last resort, and this did not (imo) impart that "last resort" concept.  A song that does convey the "last resort" justification btw is "Goodbye Earl," by the Dixie Chicks.  I'm not even sure where I got it, but I did have a sense from that song that leaving was not going to be an option.  I suspect that I got it from the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes" which seems to be related to the song.
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Paulski

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« Reply #6 on: September 24, 2019, 04:51:01 PM »
Yup, it works. It's great. The only thing I'd change is instead of he doesn't "abuse" her anymore, he doesn't "bruise" her any more.

Look forward to hearing what you do with it. I hope there's some kind of Bernard Hermann- type thing when the axe comes out. 😊
Great advice - I changed "abuse" to bruise. Thanks!

It works for me Mr @Paulski but what was the peach doing in your jacket pocket. Don't ya know they get all squidgy  ;D
Thanks John - yep they really don't like to get knocked around. ;D

Ouch. Nice storytelling. For some reason I didn't quite hear the word "wounds" as fitting well - maybe you could turn it around "they're easily harmed and their bruises turn brown" - or something!
Cheers Adam - I originally had "their skins turned brown" then someone suggest that wasn't PC. I agree "wounds" is hard to sing and interrupts the flow. So I'm going to repeat "bruise" hehe - nothing better than a little repetition IMO.

Paul,
Its a yes for me.
The chorus song particularly catchy or should I say peachy in my head as I read it.
:-)
Neil
Thanks Neil - glad it works for you. I'm thinking Tom Petty vibe if I can pull it off ;D

This reminded me of "Gunpowder and Smoke" by Miranda Lambert.  In both, I guess what I find missing is any real sense that leaving was impossible, so killing him was the only option.  Killing the abuser (in real life, and in stories/songs) should be a last resort, and this did not (imo) impart that "last resort" concept.  A song that does convey the "last resort" justification btw is "Goodbye Earl," by the Dixie Chicks.  I'm not even sure where I got it, but I did have a sense from that song that leaving was not going to be an option.  I suspect that I got it from the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes" which seems to be related to the song.
Hi Verlon Good points - but this girl started with the last resort I guess ;D Always good to get your read on things.

Thanks to all who read and commented ;D
Paul

rightly

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« Reply #7 on: October 27, 2019, 03:07:45 PM »
Yes peaches are the sweetest thing.
Concise.
A good write.
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

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