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« on: September 09, 2019, 01:59:17 AM »
Just trying to write something short and catchy a la 4 Seasons back in the day.
Well I think it's short - not sure about catchy?
Oh I almost forgot to post the lyrics (that's a joke  ;D)
Gotta teach the drummer a few more rolls - any other feedback would be appreciated.  ;D



The doctor said "Give her time"
"There's no reason or rhyme"
But how long do I have to wait?
I've tried to be strong,
But I'm ready to break

Did you get on a bus?
Did you forget about us?
Come home

There in that hospital bed
You were mistaken for dead
Then you woke up to my worried eyes
But there was no-one behind them
That you recognized

Did you hop on a train?
Have you forgotten your name?
Come home
Come home

Who is this other woman I'm speaking to?
And how did the love we have disappear from view?
Are we through?

Did you leave on a plane?
Can't you see I'm in pain?
Come home


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« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2019, 08:07:23 AM »
Clever how Amnesia is addressed like it's a female's name...

It all works as retro pop, with its musical dart through the verses and onto the chorus in a classic 'don't bore us, get to the chorus' style. Meanwhile there's all sorts of interesting embellishments such as the catchy guitar riffing and backing harmonies, at times a little reminiscent of Beach Boys - esp how that mid break section stands out.

Very entertaining and fun.

The only thing that struck me was that the hook word 'Amnesia' could have benefitted from yet more vocal layering, or even help perhaps from a low end same melody instrument. I know the instrument I'm thinking of, but seem to have forgotten it's name!  ;)

Anyhow, I really enjoyed this crazy little charmer of a tune!  ;D
« Last Edit: September 09, 2019, 08:09:17 AM by MichaelA »


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« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2019, 10:44:40 AM »
Well this is a catchy little number for sure Paul. Like the retro touches, nice guitar sounds and Bv's especially in the M8. You've definitely caught the 4 seasons vibe there. 


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« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2019, 10:52:50 AM »
Catchy and short! Your vocals are good, the guitar sits good for the song, and the lyrics are clever and good :)
Where the Hills are young, the Souls are old



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« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2019, 09:01:14 PM »
Like Michael I enjoyed the way you used Amnesia where you'd expect a girl's name.  (It's actually quite a pretty name if you forget what it means!).  Lots of lovely harmonies and falsettos and it wastes no time at all.  The only bit I wasn't so keen on was the bass sound which sounded a bit synthetic for the mood, but I really liked everything else, and thought the drumming was fine.  The middle 8 too is excellent.
It's all too beautiful.

Neil C

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« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2019, 06:06:23 AM »
Great fun intelligent lyrics put to an inventive and energetic tune and arrangements.
Catchy chorus.
I think I got the 4 seasons reference especially towards the end.
Feels like it belongs in a musical, though dont ask me what the story is...
Nice and short too.
songwriter of no repute..


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« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2019, 07:02:39 AM »
Hi Paulski. I'm liking this change of tone from you. More poppy and less theatrical. Sounds a bit like the influence of @Jack Simmons fused with a bit of Elvis. It's catchy and all the elements work for me. Re Michaels point re the Amnesia chorus I kind of agree although I think a flute matching the vocal melody may work well as a complimentary layer of sound. Bass and drums are great and there is some kind of slight grungy aftereffect on the snare that gives the tune a bit of extra bite. Well done too for keeping it compact. 2.5 minutes works perfectly.


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« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2019, 07:31:48 AM »
@Paulski - Very nice indeed Paul, loved it, echo some of the other members comments re humanising the word Amnesia.

You might consider recording the LVox in 2 takes especially around the Amnesia/Did you get on the bus/Amnesia/ section, recording every other line, to allow the end of one line to freely end without rushing the beginning of the next.

@0:24 - Could have a few Fankie Valli type oohs here.

Think I'd pull back on the open hats a bit.

The bass line is fine, although maybe drop the octaves to make a feature of them when they do appear.

Also as I remember this kind of thing, there would be some piano somewhere in it, providing a hook.

A really really good song, hooky as hell. SOTM for sure.

Hope it helps Paul


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« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2019, 07:30:01 PM »
Yo Paul.

Needs more piano!  :)

I'd agree with CPM on the bass and high hat. Either pull it back a little on the verses or play it lower,yanno like a bass? There's a little bass hiccup I'm hearing just at around 51 seconds...

Love your vocalising and for taking on anything Frankie Valli themed.

As ever lyrically clever and hooky as a fish barb.

The part at 1.12 was my fav part of the song. Super stuff.

Now,did I mentioned it needz moar piano?  :P
« Last Edit: September 10, 2019, 07:32:00 PM by Skub »

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« Reply #9 on: September 12, 2019, 09:45:59 AM »
Hi Paul,

Yeah, this is definitely catchy and it has all the hall marks of your work.  I love the m8 section which is quite wonderful.  I also like the way that the instrumentation is not so polished - you've captured the kind of approach that we all do as much younger men when we're starting out on our journey as songwriters and musicians.

Cool song!

« Last Edit: September 14, 2019, 03:44:20 AM by Wicked Deeds »
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« Reply #10 on: September 12, 2019, 02:25:36 PM »
Hi Paul, just back from a couple of weeks in Canada out on Vancouver Island, wonderful! Anyway, yes getting the four seasons vibe, but also echoes of Billy Joel playing that style too! Nice sparse arrangement and instrumentation, worked well with the styler of song. Bass sounded a bit to trebly/weak on my computer?
Your usual melodic and vocal mastery there to be seen.

Nice one!



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« Reply #11 on: September 14, 2019, 03:23:00 AM »
@MichaelA cheers Michael - glad the name worked for you. I was considering using a woman's name but then I thought - that's what everyone does.  ;D I'll think about another instrument. I agree it needs something...

@pompeyjazz Thanks John - high praise coming from you. Surprised anyone remembers the 4 seasons  ;D

@LukeArmstrongMusic Appreciate the kind remarks and welcome to these parts of the web  ;D

@PaulyX thank you Pauly - still tweaking the mix so that's helpful. I added some effects on the bass so hopefully sounds less midi. Might have to pull out the bassoon and do it right...  ;D

@Neil C cheers Neil yeah I had a musical in mind but forgot what it was  ;D

@mickyplankton thanks Micky. yeah agree it needs something added -  a flute eh? now just gotta find a floutist  ;D The snare was just  SSD default so steve slate gets the credit there

@cowparsleyman cheers for that great feedback! So I did some work on the bass sound hopefully masking the midi a bit. Now better get to work doing the other stuff (which I agree with BTW) Really appreciate the detailed comments  ;D

@Skub thanks Davey - piano? I suppose I might have one of those around...  :D Apprec the comments on the M8 I'm sure it's stolen though  ;D ;D

@Wicked Deeds cheers Paul - glad the M8 worked for you too. R U saying I'm going backwards? Oh if that were only possible  ;D

@Jamie Hey Jamie! You're back and I see you have a new track - I'm off to listen to that one  ;D Thanks for listening and the kind remarks!

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« Reply #12 on: September 14, 2019, 05:03:41 PM »
Definitely has all the hallmarks of a Four Seasons hit....Catchy, snappy and dripping with harmonies and high oohs. It's the kind of song you do well....one of the kinds of songs I should say!

Agree that Amnesia makes for an unforgettable name and is a good hook/title here.

Not quite so keen on that bass though....yes a bit midi sounding still and maybe a bit prominent for that vintage fifties/sixties vibe.

Oh well we can't have everything! You are the forum king of retro pop style. This isn't your first nod to Frankie Valli's gang is it!

Funny somebody mentioning Billy Joel....it's that bit at 1.12 that Skub was talking about...anyway he (Billy) probably nicked it from the Four Seasons anyway!
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« Reply #13 on: September 16, 2019, 09:16:09 AM »
Great old school sound. I also felt maybe an extra voice or two in the chorus could help give it more power.

Love the verse lyrics - really tragic (especially the "eyes" section). I am sure it's deliberate, but for me having a more jokey / flippant chorus seemed to break that mood a little (though am I asking for wall to wall tragedy? not sure that's what I really want either!)

So maybe this didn't draw me in as much as others of yours - still lots to like though.


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« Reply #14 on: September 16, 2019, 09:57:50 AM »
Aw...I typed a long review of this on Saturday on my mobile...and it vanished without trace before I got to post it  ???

Anyway...longer story shortened

The vocals are super and the M8 is an absolute beauty...the guitar sound is excellent too...though it felt a little exposed to me...but to be honest, I thought the drums and bass almost killed a great song.

I saw Frankie and the Four Seasons in concert at Sunderland Empire about 25 years ago...they were really brilliant...and perhaps oddly, but pertinently, the bass player was on fire and he also seemed to be the musical director on stage too. To my mind, they were a pretty powerful band...I never thought of them as being anything like as feeble as one might have assumed. Stuff like "The Night" and "Begging" were quite resolutely dished out.

I'm sure Billy Joel did "Uptown Girl" as a kind of Four Seasons tribute...with the nasal high-pitched vocals and prominent kick-drum etc...

For me, I wasn't sure that "Amnesia" worked as the best word for the hook...just a personal thing...and many other folks liked it, so there.

Great lyrics...you never miss the mark there  :)

Also...but irrelevant...I thought Frankie looked a bit like "Starsky"