konalavadome

Jack the Lad

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Unabashed

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« on: August 18, 2019, 11:58:55 AM »
This is my first attempt at recording and mixing a song. I play acoustic guitar so venturing into using the midi for strings and synth has been a learning curve. I’m sure my mixing is awful so advice would be very much appreciated. I would also love feedback on the quality of the song in general and other aspects. Thank you so much in advance.

I’ve made a lyric video to assist.



Lyrics


Last orders
At the bar
No one round here
Cares who you are

‘98
A fever dream
You had
When you were
Eighteen

Now it’s one
More
For the road

One
More
To keep out the cold.

You could drink
The bar dry
You had
Had all the girls eyes
You were king
Of the town
The best looks
And the gift of the gab
Now time
Has passed you by
You were once
Jack the lad

The ghosts in your glass
Whisper of dreams
You once wove
summer’s gold string
Now the winter is black
Take my hand and turn back
Time disguises her lies
When you’re free

Now it’s one
More
For the road

One
More
To fend off the ghosts.

(They whisper)

We could drink the bar dry
We had
Had all the girls eyes
We were kings
Of the town
Had the best looks
And the gift of the gab
Now time
Has passed us by
We were once
Jack the lad.

Look back on your life
21
And the harm wasn’t done
With your friends
Summer would never end.


Tom
« Last Edit: August 18, 2019, 12:53:13 PM by Unabashed »

redrhodie

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« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2019, 12:48:12 PM »
Great first song. Beautiful singing and lyrics. I don't usually feel competent to offer advice on production, but I think the vocals are panned too far right. I also like to read the lyrics in advance, so it would be cool if you'd post them. I'm sure people will think it's too long. I like long songs, but this one was a little too the same all the way through. I like the addition of the film scenes. That broke it up nicely, but I feel like the music would benefit from some changes, the addition of some new sounds; something to keep the listener from knowing what to expect. Really well done, though.

Unabashed

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« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2019, 12:51:32 PM »
Thank you 🙏 I’ll post the lyrics.

I agree. I’m going to re- do the vocals and sort the panning out.

In terms of length, I’m going to redo the first chorus and halve the first bridge. Hopefully this will allow for more variety.

Thanks again, very much appreciated.

Krysoe

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« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2019, 02:01:14 PM »
This is a great mix of a nice song good lyrics combined with old fashion blend on the movie part - great combination - well done
please continue the good musical craftmanship  :) :) :)

The "A Silent Life Project" is about a personal challenge: 1-2 new and finished songs each month of 2017 & 2018.
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Unabashed

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« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2019, 04:13:01 PM »
Thank you kyrose- glad you liked it. What did you think about the duration?

Unabashed

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« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2019, 01:21:50 PM »
If anyone else has anything to add further I’d really
appreciate it. Thank you.

redrhodie

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« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2019, 05:52:00 PM »
Hey Tom,

The best way to get feedback on your song is to review other people's songs. Somewhere there are forum guidelines posted that it's a good idea to read. I think they're on a sticky. It's a great forum if you put some energy into it, so I hope you will.

Hope this helps, and you stick around.

Take care,
Lynn

PaulyX

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« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2019, 06:35:49 PM »
Hi, welcome.  I really like the sentiment of the lyrics (the happy-sad melancholy of remembering past glories).  The song overall - I felt it had a lot of potential and liked the trance-feel of the opening which actually persists all the way through.  Yes I agree it could do with an edit though... I'd bring in the drums a lot earlier (they were great when they eventually arrived), shorten the ending, try and get it to 4 minutes or so...  you do have some really nice developments going on in the track which would be more impactful if it was compacted a bit.  I hope you enjoy the forum and stick around.
It's all too beautiful.

Rightly

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  • and there you have it.
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« Reply #8 on: August 28, 2019, 05:46:56 PM »
I'd get the vocals right in the middle
I'd make the synth less prevalent and more instruments up front.   
There is a good song here
Nice sampling, by the way.
You need to try things out, listen very carefully to the profis.

I enjoyed the listen.
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

diademgrove

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« Reply #9 on: August 31, 2019, 09:57:09 AM »
Great song, loved the snippets of speech. Maybe a bit more variation in the synth sounds.

Looking forward to hearing what you do to the song, if anything,

Keith

RealKevM

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« Reply #10 on: September 03, 2019, 12:58:13 AM »
The vocals needs to be panned to both sides, (i'm finding it annoying just being in the one ear)
The song sets a real atmosphere and a time and place. It teases me being on the brink of The Farm 'Altogether Now' - (a good thing).
The vocals are pretty great.

This is one of the better songs i've heard on the forum, well done

adamfarr

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« Reply #11 on: September 03, 2019, 08:22:49 AM »
Great song concept - and a well written song all sounding really good. To be that long, I think you need things to progress, either in the backing, the story, or both. The backing does progress but for me keeps us waiting a little too much. Altogether it's cool though and hope to hear and see more from you.

Neil C

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« Reply #12 on: September 04, 2019, 03:20:11 PM »
Tom,
Hi. Interesting juxtaposition of the lyrical content and synths.
the lyrics paint the picture and decline which goes with the vocalists plaintive vocals well.
Thoughts - I'm not a fan of the voice over it seemed at odds with the songs style and it was a bit long for me. Also I'd mix the vocals in the centre, they should be the standout part of the track.
Anyway I enjoyed the listen and welcome to the forum. Have a read of the rules and get stuck in.
 :)
neil
songwriter of no repute..