Georgie Wants to Be A Pop Star

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jacksimmons

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« on: August 12, 2019, 06:37:52 PM »
Hi all! Another track that I've tried to give that 'organic', 'full-band' feel to. I'm aiming to make these tracks catchy, three-3.30min pop songs, nothing more nothing less.

I am a little torn between keeping the La's at the end in for the organic finish, which I do like, or having them fadeout and keeping this in under 3mins. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

And for anyone who is interested, I have been documenting the process of this song from little germ to finished track here: http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=13834.msg156583#msg156583



Lyrics:

It's not about living long it's about looking good
It's not about taking drugs it's about skipping food
And hanging out in Salzburg with a sad look on your face
Watching all the wheels go round

Georgie's crying 'cause he wants to be a pop star
Georgie's crying 'cause he wants to find it in his heart
To be a lover 'cause he needs to be a lover
Georgie wants to be a pop star now

And on the hottest day of June he looks for somewhere to go
They won the footie and took to the streets in their Volkswagon Carrados
But he just stared at his continental and thought about Abbey Road
How the tape reels went round

Georgie's crying 'cause he wants to be a pop star
Georgie's crying 'cause he wants to find it in his heart
To be a lover 'cause he needs to be a lover
Georgie wants to be a pop star now
Georgie wants to be a pop star now

La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la


pompeyjazz

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« Reply #1 on: August 12, 2019, 09:09:04 PM »
It's been really interesting reading about the development of this song. You've captured a real great early 80s alternative feel here @jacksimmons .It's a great little alternative  pop song and your vocals reminded me of Billy McKenzie of the Associates. My only neg crit would be the harmony section at the end of the song. Nothing wrong with the quality and arrangement but I just don't think that it knits together with the rest of the relatively free style of the song. Top quality work Jack

LostBoy

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« Reply #2 on: August 12, 2019, 09:32:59 PM »
Hey mate,

I love that verse melody especially and the way you do little stabs in the second chorus. Very cool! Lovely arrangement. I didn’t dislike the lalalas....but I do agree with Pompey that they felt a little out of place on this song. Regarding whether to fade or not, imo I think in this case a fade would sound better.

Just my two cents mate! U are a very talented dude!🎶👊🏻🎶😄

LukeArmstrongMusic

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« Reply #3 on: August 12, 2019, 10:00:41 PM »
Love the arrangement you have put through for this song! You have an amazing voice that fits the style you're aiming for. I do like the lalala's, but I think a fade-out would have made the finish smoother, but anyway a top-top song :)

Nice work mate! :)
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shadowfax

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« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2019, 07:57:10 AM »
gotta agree with the other posts Jack...but a very good song and excellent vox on this mate.. :)

adamfarr

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« Reply #5 on: August 13, 2019, 11:44:53 AM »
Fine verse melody with its jumps keeping us driving forward. Nice break to make the chorus stand out (other than that possibly the chorus arrangement is a little similar to the verse so something a little more different would reinforce it more?)

The lalalas obviously have meaning (and I can picture the action on stage) so I think I would have (some of) them instead of the guitar break - using them as a middle 8 to feed back into a final chorus.

Lyrics are slightly daring and cliche-free, never boring. Well up to your usual standards...

Rightly

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« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2019, 01:26:26 PM »
I think you're capable of much better.
I do like this but it's just a little too throwaway.

Still, talented as you are I enjoyed the listen.
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

And there you have it. 

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Neil C

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« Reply #7 on: August 14, 2019, 05:35:05 PM »
Jack,

I great little lightweight pop with those twists and turns, jangling guitars, key changes.

Thoughts: I need another set of choruses repeated before the ending to anchor the song. I'd then prune the musical precursor to the kinksy LA's which, I would fade out).

Anyway cool tune
:-)
neil 
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Wicked Deeds

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« Reply #8 on: August 14, 2019, 06:56:59 PM »
You can obviously write Jack and this song certainly has it's moments.  I like the references that you make to Saltsburg and Volkswagon, though there is not enough here to really get my teeth into and feel satisfied.  The 'La' section isn't yet quite right for me but could be integrated with a little more work.

Paul
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PaulyX

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« Reply #9 on: August 14, 2019, 09:45:07 PM »
Hey Jack, loved the staircase melodies in the chorus, and (as ever) the incidental details in your lyrics (most would say ‘hanging out in the city’ whereas you specify Salzburg, and that begs so much more of a backstory... similarly they are not ‘cars’ but Volkswagen Carrados... eliminates cliche and makes it all more specific and believable). Personally I loved the Las, appreciated the way they took the song in a new unexpected direction. Maybe they went on a little long (cut one round of them?) but I’m glad they didn’t fade out (then again I’m known round these parts for my irrational hatred of fade outs... must have been dropped on a mixing desk as a baby). Overall a charming, jaunty track to my ears, maybe not the emotional gravitas of some of your stuff but like a puppy wagging its tail, its darn hard not to be won over by this one.
It's all too beautiful.

cowparsleyman

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« Reply #10 on: August 15, 2019, 06:29:07 PM »
Whato @jacksimmons - This is the first listen on iphone headphones - starts of jaunitly enough, You have an 'own' style which jack is very hard to establish, some interesting rhythmic and chordal highlights, I love the la la la's brings contrast to the song, what else could you have put in? gtr solo - nope - synth solo - hmmm maybe, maybe resolve back to the chorus and fade after the first complete verse of la la la's and repeat chr with la la la's over...

Nice piece Jack could be a B side...or an 2nd from end album track.

Good production...just take another listen so I didn't miss anything....

I think I'm missing your BVox, maybe over 'a pop star' and 'in his heart' the synth stabs throughout that chorus aren't strong enough to carry it alone, the la la la's obviously thicken the texture...

Hope it helps, good luck with your album...


PaulAds

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« Reply #11 on: August 18, 2019, 12:17:33 PM »
Very nice slice of jaunty pop, Jack.

I was going to mention the La's towards the end...then I thought I'd best check if anybody else had mentioned them...so I won't.

I think someone also mentioned that maybe a fade-out would be better for the gentle rolling feel of this too...I thought that was a good call too...but it's a minor detail, really.

It's up to your usual high standards, though...great album track, I'd guess.

Oh...and the VW Corrado? Fairly short-lived replacement for the Scirocco...a very cool car...with an element of danger to it. Always fancied one back then...I used to have a Scirocco...

jacksimmons

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« Reply #12 on: August 20, 2019, 12:59:54 PM »
Very nice slice of jaunty pop, Jack.
I was going to mention the La's towards the end...then I thought I'd best check if anybody else had mentioned them...so I won't.
I think someone also mentioned that maybe a fade-out would be better for the gentle rolling feel of this too...I thought that was a good call too...but it's a minor detail, really.
It's up to your usual high standards, though...great album track, I'd guess.
Oh...and the VW Corrado? Fairly short-lived replacement for the Scirocco...a very cool car...with an element of danger to it. Always fancied one back then...I used to have a Scirocco...

Haha thanks Paul. I'm gonna definitely go with a fade out at the end. I twas my initial instinct but decided against it at the last minute but realise now the end definitely drags. I have to admit I chose the Corrado because, in a list of European cars it was the nicest to sing. I know next to nothing about cars haha. But when I was in Belgium they did win the football and drive around like maniacs blowing their horns....

Thanks for listening!

Whato @jacksimmons - This is the first listen on iphone headphones - starts of jaunitly enough, You have an 'own' style which jack is very hard to establish, some interesting rhythmic and chordal highlights, I love the la la la's brings contrast to the song, what else could you have put in? gtr solo - nope - synth solo - hmmm maybe, maybe resolve back to the chorus and fade after the first complete verse of la la la's and repeat chr with la la la's over...
Nice piece Jack could be a B side...or an 2nd from end album track.
Good production...just take another listen so I didn't miss anything....
I think I'm missing your BVox, maybe over 'a pop star' and 'in his heart' the synth stabs throughout that chorus aren't strong enough to carry it alone, the la la la's obviously thicken the texture...
Hope it helps, good luck with your album...

Cheers mate. Glad you like the tune. I think a fade out or an extra chorus instead of the La's is needed. I did opt for one chorus less than you would expect to leave people wanting more which I have done before but maybe there's too much fluff in the second half of this one. Thanks for your advice. I've found it a little 'boomy' in iPhone headphones so will be revisiting the EQ on the vocals especially. Cheers.

Hey Jack, loved the staircase melodies in the chorus, and (as ever) the incidental details in your lyrics (most would say ‘hanging out in the city’ whereas you specify Salzburg, and that begs so much more of a backstory... similarly they are not ‘cars’ but Volkswagen Carrados... eliminates cliche and makes it all more specific and believable). Personally I loved the Las, appreciated the way they took the song in a new unexpected direction. Maybe they went on a little long (cut one round of them?) but I’m glad they didn’t fade out (then again I’m known round these parts for my irrational hatred of fade outs... must have been dropped on a mixing desk as a baby). Overall a charming, jaunty track to my ears, maybe not the emotional gravitas of some of your stuff but like a puppy wagging its tail, its darn hard not to be won over by this one.

Haha I also steer away from fadeouts where I can but think occasionally a song calls for it and this might be one of them. I'm glad you like the lyrics and the incidentals. I always try and inject some of my life in to everything I write although here I admit I took some artistic license so it was nicer to sing. Salzburg is a lot nicer to say than Leopoldsburg. Thanks for your comments mate.

You can obviously write Jack and this song certainly has it's moments.  I like the references that you make to Saltsburg and Volkswagon, though there is not enough here to really get my teeth into and feel satisfied.  The 'La' section isn't yet quite right for me but could be integrated with a little more work.
Paul

Thanks for listening mate and thanks for the honest feedback! I agree this is a more throwaway poppy number than some of my stuff which doesn't float everyone's boat. Definitely going to return to the structure of this, shorten it and make it piffier. I think the end is a bit bloated...

Jack,
I great little lightweight pop with those twists and turns, jangling guitars, key changes.
Thoughts: I need another set of choruses repeated before the ending to anchor the song. I'd then prune the musical precursor to the kinksy LA's which, I would fade out).
Anyway cool tune

Cheers Neil! I am very torn between adding another chorus or just fading out the La's and keeping this short and sweet. Glad you liked the track!

I think you're capable of much better.
I do like this but it's just a little too throwaway.
Still, talented as you are I enjoyed the listen.

I appreciate your honesty pal. You have been very kind in the past regarding some of my tunes so appreciate if you think I am falling short a little here. I admit I embarked on this hoping for something short, light, and poppy. I am going to revisit the structure of this and trim it down a lot and hopefully I will win you round. ;)

Fine verse melody with its jumps keeping us driving forward. Nice break to make the chorus stand out (other than that possibly the chorus arrangement is a little similar to the verse so something a little more different would reinforce it more?)
The lalalas obviously have meaning (and I can picture the action on stage) so I think I would have (some of) them instead of the guitar break - using them as a middle 8 to feed back into a final chorus.
Lyrics are slightly daring and cliche-free, never boring. Well up to your usual standards...

Thanks mate. Glad you enjoyed the lyrics. I will be taking your advice I think and restructuring the tune. As for the chorus arrangement, I think you might be right there although I'm reluctant to add too much to the mix cause I want that band-on-stage sort of vibe. Maybe a synth line?  Thanks for the feedback.

gotta agree with the other posts Jack...but a very good song and excellent vox on this mate.. :)

Cheers mate! Glad you enjoyed!

Love the arrangement you have put through for this song! You have an amazing voice that fits the style you're aiming for. I do like the lalala's, but I think a fade-out would have made the finish smoother, but anyway a top-top song :)
Nice work mate! :)

Thank you for listening. Glad you enjoyed the tune. I will definitely be fading out the La's

I love that verse melody especially and the way you do little stabs in the second chorus. Very cool! Lovely arrangement. I didn’t dislike the lalalas....but I do agree with Pompey that they felt a little out of place on this song. Regarding whether to fade or not, imo I think in this case a fade would sound better.
Just my two cents mate! U are a very talented dude!🎶👊🏻🎶😄

Thanks mate! Cheers for listening :)

It's been really interesting reading about the development of this song. You've captured a real great early 80s alternative feel here @jacksimmons .It's a great little alternative  pop song and your vocals reminded me of Billy McKenzie of the Associates. My only neg crit would be the harmony section at the end of the song. Nothing wrong with the quality and arrangement but I just don't think that it knits together with the rest of the relatively free style of the song. Top quality work Jack

Thanks mate. Glad you've enjoyed reading about the writing process. I have really enjoyed documenting it and it's helped me a lot when it comes to writing new tunes too. Hopefully it will be of interest to other people who want to get in to songwriting but don't know how to start; that thread shows that, like all of my songs, this started out as a mumbling mess on the guitar haha. Cheers for listening mate.

Takeaways from this: definitely fade out the La's.

Cheers to you all for listening .I really appreciate the feedback. Sorry it took a while to reply I have been away from home the last week or so. All the best to everyone.






crystalsuzy

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« Reply #13 on: August 21, 2019, 01:23:23 AM »
Hey Jack :) I totally enjoyed listening to this light hearted pop song  8) It's definitely got "that 'organic', 'full-band' vibe" :)
your vocals are perfect for this song and also the lyrics. I really liked the la la's at the end  :)

Paulski

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« Reply #14 on: August 21, 2019, 02:45:34 AM »
Hi Jack
I like me a fluffy pop song now and then and this one fits the bill nicely.
Lovely natural sounding vocals and you do have a way with melody lines that make 'em unique IMHO
Maybe stick some bg vox in there - or not - up to you  ;D
Enjoyed the listen  ;D
cheers
Paul