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« on: August 08, 2019, 01:50:50 AM »
Desensitised by shades of office blues
Hypnotised, zombified, what’s the point? Don’t have a clue.
Until one day in December
How crystal clearly I remember
I stood up and was introduced to you.

I’d checked your papers and now I checked out you
Your face was a beacon of beauty and I was born anew
Had to wait until January
For a girl extraordinary
Over Christmas my anticipation grew.

I was a vegetable and you forbidden fruit
Sparks flew in a room with a view, a view of you
All the way from Argentina
With the grace of a ballerina
On reflection a connection very special, I knew.

No longer desensitised, no longer blue
Enchanted by your eyes, they seemed to offer a clue
Your olive skin I longed to kiss
Your luscious lips I began to miss
I kept it all to myself, because I had to.

In the interests of fair play, your sparks out-fused
As the spring months passed, I too played by the rules
You went away in the summertime
Leaving behind your spirit, so sublime
And our epic story was to be continued…

Nearly two years passed with no contact, it’s true
Then right out of the blue, get back in touch with you
And over the course of weeks
My heart opens and the truth it speaks
And the truth is mutual, as confirmed by you.

Separated by miles we’re domiciled in different towns
Opportunity knocks and I’m no longer down
I listen to your sweet voice
I know I’ve made the right choice
And the cycle of love comes back around

Two weeks we own together, but it’s not enough
What we have is to tender, but the future will be tough
In spite of that, for what it’s worth
For us I’m willing to move the Earth

Without you I’m deficient
Living without you is not sufficient.

Neil C

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« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2019, 01:47:59 PM »
Liking this a lot, and there's a lot in there.
Comes across a little like a poem or spoken word.  I think you'd need a musical hook and its a bit long but it put a smile upon my face.

songwriter of no repute..


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« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2019, 12:15:57 PM »
Hey @indigobluehorizons,

This is very similar to the style of the other lyrics you posted. Both seem to be in the veins of rap. This one was more like poetry/spoken word, as Neil said. Also ditto to the comment of having a hook. If this would be a rap, I'd wish there'd be more variety in the song. It's feeling the same to me in every verse. Hope this helps!


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« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2019, 06:26:18 PM »
Thanks for the feedback guys. Yeah, it's definitely not my best. I should be more open minded about genres, but I just can't bring myself to like rap music. I'm an indie/rock enthusiast through and through. : )