24 Hour Emotional Breakdown Service

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MichaelA

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« on: August 10, 2019, 07:28:42 AM »
Hi all - here is something that I have done which is a bit quirky as usual, but with a mildly more serious side. The main problem I thought I had was that for a simple indie pop song it was getting a bit long, so I halved the first chorus, which is designed to help it zip along a bit. Hopefully this worked.


It's also an attempt at a quirky ballad, which I have found a harder nut to crack, with the slower tempo required for the most part.


https://soundcloud.com/michael-a-duffy/24-hour-emotional-breakdown-service

Lyrics:

24 Hour Emotional Breakdown Service

Got your message, on my way
Donned my overalls right away
Mission improbable
Distress signal faraway

Turnaround your sat nav said
But hoping heart and stubborn head
Made sure you carried on
To one big mess instead

Guess I'm the guy who'll patch the holes
In your punctured lovely soul
24 Hour Emotional Breakdown Service
And the call out is free
Yours exclusively


Well I thought you'd had enough
Of the rocky road of love
All bumping dodgem cars
The ride out there is rough

When I get there see you sob
This looks like a quite big job
I gently splice the widget
Adjust the thingamabob


Guess I'm the guy who'll patch the holes
In your punctured lovely soul
24 Hour Emotional Breakdown Service

Got manuals and all the tools
To dry your tears, make it all cool
24 Hour Emotional Breakdown Service
And the call out is free
Yours exclusively



Then in the twilight
Wish I could seize this night
You look away
I look away
It's not our way
So not our way
My lovely one

RPT CHORUS

My lovely one

cowparsleyman

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« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2019, 08:45:39 AM »
@MichaelA - Very nice indeed, love the B3...beautifully placed BVox, hooky M8, clever stuff Mike.

Possible opportunity for another vocal in the M8.

Loved the 'Yours exclusively' lyric.

Glad you resisted any temptation to put a solo instrument break in.

Yip...all very well done.


CaliaMoko

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« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2019, 05:51:15 PM »
This is so clever! And I swear, I'm not easy to entertain. Although my kids may beg to differ when I keep stopping to look at bugs and rocks when we're on a walk....but I digress.

The only nit I have is a picky-roony one--I'm obsessive about clean pronunciation (most of the time, but there are exceptions), so I noticed "Well, I thought chew'd had enough" and would prefer to hear "Well, I thought you'd had enough." But that's my only crit. Very clever. I already said that. Okay....

Vicki

LukeArmstrongMusic

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« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2019, 07:48:30 PM »
@MichaelA - Loved it! The lyrics are so clever and well written, and I loved the chorus :) And the organs follow the lyrics and your voice in a good way.

Well done! :)

Cheers
Where the Hills are young, the Souls are old

https://soundcloud.com/lukearmstrongmusic

pompeyjazz

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« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2019, 08:42:23 PM »
Clever stuff @MichaelA Do you get to wear a uniform and drive an emotional support vehicle? I thought that this was quite different for you. I liked the way that you took it down and brought it up again. The lyrics and your slightly sardonic vocal delivery were the winners for me, oh and that dirty organ, is that dirtbag by ant chance? Put a big smile on my face  :)

PaulyX

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« Reply #5 on: August 10, 2019, 09:41:20 PM »
Really quite touching as well as funny. Liked it a lot... you’ve managed to make a ballad that rings true but still has one eyebrow raised, so isn’t cheesy. Clever.
It's all too beautiful.

Bostonfan2

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« Reply #6 on: August 10, 2019, 11:42:50 PM »
I love a good melody and this has that and clever well written lyrics....
curious how it would sound if you had taken the vox up on the end of "service" instead of back down....nicely done!!

crystalsuzy

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« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2019, 11:18:08 AM »
beautifully written ballad Michael :) I'd know your songs anywhere...they are so unique and usually quirky, in a excellent way :-* 
Bitter, sweet and very clever lyrics.  Love the organ and your vocals. Lovely melody and the chorus is very catchy...love the harmonies  8)
I think you cracked this 'ballad nut' very well 8)
« Last Edit: August 13, 2019, 11:46:06 PM by crystalsuzy »

adamfarr

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« Reply #8 on: August 12, 2019, 01:47:02 PM »
Feeling quite sad after this - poor narrator is clearly stuck in the friend zone, but what a brilliant friend to have, probably fixes everything (again) with unselfish humour.

I think you bring over that story and emotion really well, great balladeering. The harmonies around the hook are beautiful too.

MichaelA

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« Reply #9 on: August 13, 2019, 05:39:21 PM »
Hi to all who have taken the trouble to comment, it is mucho appreciated!

@cowparsleyman , yep I agree that M8 could take another vocal layer. Thanks.

@CaliaMoko , thanks and glad you were entertained, although that's difficult to do, ha ha. I didn't notice that sloppy pronunciation you pointed out, so thanks for that.

@Younger Hills , cheers for that, glad to have a happy listener  ;D

@pompeyjazz , if you're interested in the South Coast franchise for the Emotional Breakdown Service, then it's yours - and of course there is a uniform and a van all included! Thanks for the comments. The organ though is just a basic GarageBand organ with a bit of overdrive applied, and I use it quite a bit. I keep trying to write this Millenium's 'Whiter Shade Of Pale' with it, as I am kind of addicted to that organ sound. But no luck yet, although I will keep you posted.

Thanks @PaulyX , you are a bit of a subtle practitioner of clever lyrics yourself, so am glad to take these comments!

@Bostonfan2 , yeah thanks. Interesting point on the hook. The up bit is delivered by the harmonies. But we Northern English are too miserable to keep going up, sorry. We always have to come down! It's just how it is.  ;)

Thanks @crystalsuzy , all very kind of you. As you will know, it is harder to do slower Quirky I feel because the melody seems to stand out so much more with slow tempo, whether it is good or bad. I'm so glad you think I cracked I this time 🙂

Hi @adamfarr , thanks, but don't be sad. It is only a story!  ;) thanks for the positive feedback though...
« Last Edit: August 13, 2019, 05:43:38 PM by MichaelA »

Neil C

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« Reply #10 on: August 14, 2019, 05:23:07 PM »
Michael,
Great chorus. Got the stately weight of Devine Comedy and clever words.
Lots to like, including the cakes by the way
:-)
neil   

ps when I go to the SC page I get the lyrics popping up - how to get rid of them? this isn't just with yours, had it with quiet a few other ones..
« Last Edit: August 14, 2019, 05:25:08 PM by Neil C »
songwriter of no repute..

Wicked Deeds

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« Reply #11 on: August 14, 2019, 07:03:34 PM »
Quality song in all areas Michael.  Instantly catchy melody, cool lyrics and good production.  There's a shade of Jarvis Cocker here.  Pure quality!

Paul
" I could wait with balance and poise, amidst all of the noise."

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MichaelA

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« Reply #12 on: August 15, 2019, 12:50:13 PM »
Hi @Neil C , thanks for the encouraging words. I'm not sure what you mean about the lyrics on SC. obviously I put them there, but haven't seen anything popping up like you say. Try hitting your device, that should sort it!  ;D

Oh ta @Wicked Deeds , yeah well Jarvis is an old hero of mine, so I don't mind that tag.  ;)

Skub

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« Reply #13 on: August 16, 2019, 01:55:58 PM »
Damn you and your bun pics Mikey-boi. Need sugar now.  >:(

I love the way you craft your lyrical ideas,a proper little wordsmith are you.

Sweet vocals and harmonies,all as sweet as those friggin' buns.  >:(...I mean  :)

I'd concur with the venerable CPM,I think a little vocal extra on the M8 would be cool,but it would be just a minor icing on the bloody buns.  >:(

 :)


MichaelA

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« Reply #14 on: August 16, 2019, 09:08:56 PM »
Thanks @Skub , yes I will sort that M8. But I also love those cakes. So much so that I may well become the artist known as Cake Shop Boy!  ;D