Beautiful Mind

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Younger Hills

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« on: August 09, 2019, 07:59:55 PM »
Hey guys! So I wrote a new song :) This is more of a demo version of the project this song is, but it is the finished version of this version at least.

I originally wrote this on guitar and sent it to a songwriter i'm writing with and she thought it sounded like a "coffeehouse version", and we had all plans re-writing a lot of the song, but keeping the main idea, I changed it like I had a plan to do, to a piano-version and it got a more serious feel to it. So I really don't know if we are going to change it up or keep it as it is, so if you have any suggestions for what we can do to make this as best as possible I am more than happy to listen :) The bridge is the part I am most unsure about now.


Beautiful Mind

Verse 1
Caught myself staring at my phone again
Wondering what could possibly take you this long
To repeat to the last text that I sent
Caught in the middle of your torment

Chorus
What's going on in your beautiful mind
What's going on in your beautiful mind
Do you even think of me, like I think of you
All the god damn time
What's going on in your beautiful mind
What's going, what's going, what's going on
In that beautiful mind of yours

Verse 2
Do you remember the night we first met
The things I didn't say are the things I regret
If I could rewind and go back in time
To the day that I could call you mine

Chorus
What's going on in your beautiful mind
What's going on in your beautiful mind
Do you even think of me, like I think of you
All the god damn time
What's going on in your beautiful mind
What's going, what's going, what's going on
In that beautiful mind of yours

Bridge
Let your heart love again
And I will let you in
Let your heart beat again
And I will let you in

Chorus
What's going on in your beautiful mind
What's going on in your beautiful mind
Do you even think of me, like I think of you
All the god damn time
What's going on in your beautiful mind
What's going, what's going, what's going on
In that beautiful mind of yours


Cheers
Where the Hills are young, the Souls are old

https://soundcloud.com/lukearmstrongmusic

MichaelA

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« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2019, 09:56:03 PM »
Beautiful song about a beautiful mind. I like the vulnerability in the vocal and the fragility of the melody line.

If I was looking at this critically as though I had written it I would maybe cut the last three lines of the chorus to make the whole thing more economical and punchier, but of course that is just personal taste.

But overall, I really enjoyed it and really felt the emotion of the song, which is its best quality! :)

HappyDays

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« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2019, 06:42:09 AM »
Hey @Younger Hills ,

I think this is a really quaint and solid song. I think that I'd hear this song sung by a female. Although the words seem to suggest it'd be better to have a man sing it, I do hear this with a woman's voice as well. Hey, a duet sounds even better!

cowparsleyman

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« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2019, 09:10:29 AM »
 @Younger Hills -Just listening for the first time....Like the ideas, yip it's more of a demo love the hint of Norwegian accent, suits the song very well.

Some of the lyrics have trouble fitting... and the high notes are tricky to hit (I have the same issue)

As a song it's really great, so much potential, a M8 would enhance the return to the hook.

I agree with @HappyDays - a female would suit the upper register part.

Luke - it sounds so promising, there is a lot one can do with the idea, the vocals are reasonably the same, so something needs to add contrast, the M8 will help, maybe the instruments in the background, bring in the odd cameo of something, for example - semi quaver snare hits, through a saturation plugin with plenty of verb,  but only use it once...unless you were looking for a flatting piece..

Nice idea Luke.

Hope it helps


Younger Hills

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« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2019, 08:14:23 PM »
@MichaelA  @cowparsleyman @HappyDays

Thank you so much for listening to it, and for giving me your thoughts on it :) Since I have the "best" songwriter partner, she has volunteered to sing a duet with me on it to try that out, to get the female voice on it. And we may be changing up the bridge totally, and erasing the last 2 lines in the chorus, to make it more "punchier"

Have also been playing around with the thought of having an electric over the piano chords maybe :)

Cheers
Where the Hills are young, the Souls are old

https://soundcloud.com/lukearmstrongmusic

crystalsuzy

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« Reply #5 on: August 10, 2019, 09:18:27 PM »
I really like what you've got going on so far with this song. I agree with all of the suggestions so far, and can't wait to hear what you do with it  :)
I think the idea of adding an electric over the piano is a good idea and also an instrumental.
I like the vulnerable lyrics and you have a lovely voice and sing with a lot of passion 8) thanks for sharing  :)

t.wretborn

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« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2019, 11:43:15 AM »
Hej!
I'm just leaving beautiful Lofoten heading back to Sweden!
Nice song and sweet touch of Norwegian accent. I think the chorus could lift even more you applied some strings or similar. Something to smooth out the chord strokes. But that's just my taste.
Well done!

LostBoy

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« Reply #7 on: August 12, 2019, 11:23:11 AM »
Hi mate,
I also think this song has a lot of potential. I like the vocal delivery and the " what's going on In that beautiful mind" is a nice hook!🎶👍🏻🎶 I do feel that musically it could use a little more going on, some strings or something, just to add some variety to the track.

Regarding the lyrics, I think in the first verse you mean to say "reply" to my text, not "repeat to".😉👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

I also can't wait to hear where you take this mate! Nice work so far!😁🎶👊🏻🎶

Younger Hills

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« Reply #8 on: August 12, 2019, 11:24:30 AM »
@crystalsuzy - Thank you so much for your comment :)

@t.wretborn - I lived 3 years up in the north, in Harstad, and have been a couple of times to Lofoten. It is beautiful up there :) Thanks for the comment! :)
Where the Hills are young, the Souls are old

https://soundcloud.com/lukearmstrongmusic

Younger Hills

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« Reply #9 on: August 12, 2019, 11:28:56 AM »
@LostBoy - I knew there was something that sounded off, and yes it was "reply" I meant :p I think it needs a little more flavor to the track, so something will be added :)

Thanks for your comment, mate! :)

Cheers
Where the Hills are young, the Souls are old

https://soundcloud.com/lukearmstrongmusic

adamfarr

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« Reply #10 on: August 12, 2019, 06:17:53 PM »
Very nice song, bit of a Neil Young vibe going on. You could think about going down that path - jangly guitar rather than electric...


I do like the idea of a slightly shorter chorus.



But probably I wouldn't add too much else, as it's a fine thing already.