2nd demo feedback required cheers

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Modestmouse1965/

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« on: Today at 12:18:57 AM »
https://soundcloud.com/user-335183051/enemy

Hi my name is Stevy. My friend and i wrote a bunch of demos in 2006 so i recently thought that i should get them out there for feedback. These demos were recorded in my kitchen with cheap gear and not a lot of production knowledge. I cant play drums so I programmed all drums with how i heard them in my head but have not got a clue how to think like a drummer.The same is true with the keyboard,Lead guitar and very basic Bass parts. My friend and i played all the parts of each song to the best of our ability. I feel i am not a bad rhythm guitar player so quite happy to re-record the rhythm guitar myself. I am not a great singer so will be considering finding a singer also.  I hope you guys can hear what i am trying to achieve in each demo as i will be uploading around 12 of them through time. My plan is to collaberate with a drummer bass player lead guitarist and keyboard player to eventually re-record all 12 songs.

                             Enemy                                                   
v1
you hold head in hands
you're in a nightmare and hiding from the man
and then you wait silently
and you're watching all the screaming and the agony
and the blood runs down the walls
and cling to life until the bleeding goes
and then they twist you until theres nothing left
and theyre trying to force the air out should you all forget

ch
its like money you can keep it
you can steal it if you want to feel it
tastes like honey seeping
Running From the enemy
Running From the enemy

v2
if you remember when
the voices sealed the cracks and you believed in them
when the sea breathes and had enough
and the storys finally over cos it got too rough
when you feel things are better
and theres nothing left to fear and it really doesnt matter
and when you know its doomed to fail 
and you sit in mental prison running off the rails
                                                 
ch
its like money you can keep it
you can steal it if you want to feel it
tastes like honey seeping
Running From the enemy
Running From the enemy
                                               
bridge
and then like drowned rats they drag you home
and then they shower you with stones
and then the venom starts to foam
and your alone       
alone

v3
and then the time gone that you messed up
the people that you cared for are in an empty cup
and love dead and burning off your skin
and then you realise it theres nothing left win
and when the truth hurts and grinds your bones
nowhere left to go and so they drag you home
and when the hunger grabs and noone understands
you give in to the dollar you hold there in your hand
 
ch
its like money you can keep it
you can steal it if you want to feel it
tastes like honey seeping
Running From the enemy
Running From the enemy   x2 to fade

redrhodie

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« Reply #1 on: Today at 01:05:56 AM »
Man Stevy, from what you wrote, I was pretty sure this song was going to suck, and it's really great.

First if all, your singing is awesome. Totally powerful and not held back. Great rock tone. I bet one or two of the guys on this forum would give a limb to be able to sing like that. I think you should stop thinking of finding someone else. Sing your songs. It works.

You're right to rerecord this. Even I can tell the production needs work. I am not qualified to offer advice on that, but hopefully you'll get some. It's a great song and worth the time and effort to do it right.

Programmed drums are pretty standard. Hardly anyone here records live drums. If you're actually going to that, you should probably record in a studio. It's really hard to record drums. I learned that the hard way. You're better off letting a professional do that.

Read and follow the forum posting rules and you'll get some great advice from way more qualified people than me, in the form of criticism, production, and mixing.  Lots of talented and helpful people here. You'll also find people to collaborate with, who can play and record any instrument you need. Ask questions, ask for help. Someone always answers.

Oh, one more thing. You put this in works in progress, which tends to get less action than finished songs. I'm not sure why that is, but if you review some songs and still don't get anything here, try posting it there.

Hope this helps,
Lynn