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LOVE DRUG

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indigobluehorizons

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« on: July 31, 2019, 07:07:47 PM »






I divide my time between Earth and Cloud Nine
Up and down love
Over and above

And during the commute I am desensitised
As if asleep
A distant bleep

You built it up like a Roman feat of engineering
You brought it down like a powerful deity intervening
You are a pill in human form
You make me ill far beyond the norm
Your side effects make me a self-made mess, and now I’m searing as you’re interfering

When it’s good I’m high as a kite
When it’s pain it’s pain that can’t be put right
When it’s on it’s euphoric, it’s bliss
When it’s off it lands me in the abyss

I’m thinking with my heart
I’m just not thinking with my head
I’m throwing caution to the wind
I’m putting sensible to bed

But the best thing that the wind can do is throw it back to me
Like a boomerang
And the best thing that sensible can do is carry on the dream
And not harangue

Why do I fall so hard so fast?
For things that were not meant to last
I’m blessed with a big heart but a small mind
And in your wake I get left behind

HappyDays

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« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2019, 07:50:30 PM »
Hey @indigobluehorizons,

Right from the get-go, love the first verse that says:

I divide my time between Earth and Cloud Nine
Up and down love
Over and above


I think that it's a great starter that really intrigued me and made me think "Man, I wish I thought of that." You had a few other standouts like: 

I’m thinking with my heart
I’m just not thinking with my head
I’m throwing caution to the wind
I’m putting sensible to bed


Although some of the verses were strong individually, I don't really feel and read the cohesiveness. I think it was a bit hard to follow. When I read it, the verses didn't connect naturally and it doesn't seem cohesive. Perhaps it's because I'm not used to the structure you're using ( i typical stick to the Verse-Chorus-Verse-Chorus-Bridge-Chorus). I think if you recorded this, everything would fit together like a jigsaw puzzle.

I'd be very keen on listening to the finished product. I think it'd be great as an acoustic or a ballad accompanied by a piano.

Rocky
« Last Edit: August 01, 2019, 05:03:17 AM by HappyDays »

indigobluehorizons

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« Reply #2 on: August 01, 2019, 08:15:03 PM »
Thanks for the detailed feedback Rocky, that's really useful. I write song lyrics but don't play any instruments (I dabbled with a bass guitar ten years ago and had a lot of fun with it, but gave it up after a year or so). As far as I know, I can't sing, although I wish I could! If there are any bands out there who need lyrics, I might be your man! Watch this space for more lyrics. I'll try not to post too often, in accordance with the rules.

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #3 on: August 02, 2019, 12:45:18 AM »
My first reaction is: the rhythm patterns are all over the place. It would be hard to fit this into a structured melody. It feels almost like free verse rather than a lyric. And yet, I have seen the most unruly lyrics set to music before, so I can't say it would be impossible. In fact, I've witnessed our own @hardtwistmusic tame many unruly lyrics in the past. So, perhaps???

Thoughts otherwise...these two lines caught my eye:

But the best thing that the wind can do is throw it back to me
And the best thing that sensible can do is carry on the dream

Because I would take out the word "that" in both of them. They don't need it and, in my opinion, unnecessary words weaken the effect or feel.

Like @HappyDays  , I think you have a way with words. "I'm putting sensible to bed" is my favorite line!

Vicki
« Last Edit: August 03, 2019, 08:33:26 PM by CaliaMoko »

indigobluehorizons

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« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2019, 06:41:04 PM »
Thanks Vicki, I appreciate you taking the time : )

Rightly

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« Reply #5 on: August 02, 2019, 07:55:37 PM »
Again a good read. Keep posting you have a poets ease with words.
Somehow this one reminds me of Pessoa.
Have you ever read
the book of disquiet?

I think you'd like it.

Thus is both simple n sophisticated. You are a talent.
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

indigobluehorizons

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« Reply #6 on: August 03, 2019, 03:56:53 PM »
Rightly, this is very kind feedback indeed. I am grateful for your input. I wrote some of these years ago, and this is the first time I am sharing them with anyone. It took me some courage to post them on here. I'm not familiar with that, but I will check it out. Stand by for more lyrics. Hope you're having a good one : )