greatest fear

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maya sagi

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« on: July 07, 2020, 10:21:36 AM »
look at them look at me
start runnig count to three
even though i shouldnt i do
there is something about this feeling i
i get when im with you
and at night at 2 am you got it right
but its not really who i am
my heart is in a race whenever i see your face
like the way that we drive out of this place
we can find somewhere beautiful
no need to speak we said it all

so now im driving face to face
with my greatest fear
that you will drop me somewhere
and then you will disappear
and ill be standing alone
in the cold cold rain
and with every drop that touches my face
i would wish i knew this trip was never worth the risk
ans so not do you

look at the sky and than at the ground
how its all dark and grey because of the wonderland we never found
will they ever find us im wonderin in your car
but in the back of mind im still wondering
where the hell we are
do they care does someone even mind that im not there
maybe its my fault for pushing everyone away
but you made me feel so safe
i wasnt smart enough to walk away

so now im driving face to face
with my greatest fear
that you will drop me somewhere
and then you will disappear
and ill be standing alone
in the cold cold rain
and with every drop that touches my face
i would wish i knew this trip was never worth the risk
ans so not do you

i really knew that this would happen
how you came back with another girl
and you wont even care for me
but this is just reality
and after log long nights of sleeping in your car
we might drove alot but we didnt really get so far
so before you came ack today i took your keys
and i warned that other girl you planned to leave after me

and now im driving home
and im so glad im here
i dropped you somewhere
and then i disappeared
and now youre left all alond
in the cold cold rain
and with every drop that touches youre face
i just wish youll see
all the girls you once burned out
but you didnt get me

simonjol

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« Reply #1 on: July 07, 2020, 11:22:51 AM »
Hey Maya

That was quite a drive! Some striking visuals in your words and a vulnerability to the storytelling which draws me in.

Nice little twist at the end too :)

Good job, do you have a plan to record it?

Si

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2020, 08:02:43 PM »
I loved the lyric.  I loved the twist at the end  --  although (whether you are aware of it or not as the writer) there are two ways to take the twist at the end. 

It is my opinion that this could use some surgical editing -- some "addition by subtraction."   

There are (imo) no un-necessary concepts introduced in your lyric, but there are some words that are not necessary to communicate those concepts. 

If you request it, I would be happy to show you what I mean about the "surgical addition by subtraction."
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.