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Antidote

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Sterix

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« on: July 28, 2019, 02:53:57 PM »
I haven't written anything for a while - had one of those phases where I lost a bit of interest. But my songs won't (re)write themselves so I'm trying to give my motivation a kick up the ass...

This came about from the title popping to my head and just going from there.



Verse
What is the use painting fairy-tale scenes
When the end of the day brings you into my dreams?
Though I try to stay strong my defences get breached
And you’re there with a smile cos you know that I’m beat

Pre-chorus
You are the poison that runs through my veins
You rush through my heart and it can’t take the strain

Chorus
But it’s all just a game
You get off on my pain
And I’m drawn like a moth to your fire
Much too late to retreat
Just one thing that I need
That’s the antidote to my desire

Verse
When did my world that once turned as it should
Start to turn into madness and rivers of blood?
I was sure of myself and these feelings for you
So where did it go wrong? How the Hell was I screwed?

Pre-chorus
Kiss me again cos it’s all that I know
The poison runs deep and drains all my hope

Chorus
But it’s all just a game
You get off on my pain
And I’m drawn like a moth to your fire
Much too late to retreat
Just one thing that I need
That’s the antidote to my desire

INSTRUMENTAL

Verse
You’ve cast a spell and I cannot break free
I am tied to your strings like a puppet on heat
And I dance to your tune though I can’t stand the beat
What the hell have you done? What has happened to me?

Pre-chorus
Nothing else matters but needing you here
The thought of you gone is just too much to bear

Chorus
But it’s all just a game
You get off on my pain
And I’m drawn like a moth to your fire
Much too late to retreat
Just one thing that I need
That’s the antidote to my desire

Chorus
Yes it’s all just a game
I don’t know how to play
When the rules seem to change on a whim
But the poison you feed
Is the poison I need
And no antidote truly exists

Alt. chorus
Bring an end to this game
Or I’ll go up in flames
There’s no antidote that I could take
That can save me from you...
Cos this poison that flows through my veins
Is me still loving you…

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2019, 01:50:18 AM »
I think this is awesome! It's very clever. I love the antidote approach to the..umm, is this urequited love?...theme.

I have two comments:

1. I don't get the line about the "puppet on heat". I don't know what that means.

2. And the three choruses at the end. The first read-through sounded like you lost your rhyme scheme, which was so consistent until the second of those three choruses. However, after some consideration, I think "whim" and "exists" counts as a near rhyme which is suitable for this song.

In sum, this is delightful.

Sterix

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« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2019, 03:28:40 AM »
Just to clarify "puppet on heat". In this case it's alluding to a "puppet on strings" but the singer feels a more primeval connection to the "puppet master" (or mistress!) than mere strings. There's a more "needy" element to it. So, just as dogs can be on heat, that's how the "puppet" sees it.

Hope that clarifies it.

As for therhyming, yes I was rhyming "whim" and "exists". The third one, by the way, I called an alternative chorus as it starts out like the other choruses in the first two lines but then transitions into a longer third line, which slows down to an end. In that one lines 3 and 5, and 4 and 6 are the rhymes.

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #3 on: August 01, 2019, 07:40:43 AM »
For an American (and probably Canadian) audience, that would be a "puppet IN heat."   
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