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Looking for feedback on this demo

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Modestmouse1965/:
https://soundcloud.com/user-335183051/looking-at-you

Hi my name is Stevy. My friend and i wrote a bunch of demos in 2006 so i recently thought that i should get them out there for feedback. These demos were recorded in my kitchen with cheap gear and not a lot of production knowledge. I cant play drums so I programmed all drums with how i heard them in my head but have not got a clue how to think like a drummer.The same is true with the keyboard,Lead guitar and very basic Bass parts. My friend and i played all the parts of each song to the best of our ability. I feel i am not a bad rhythm guitar player so quite happy to re-record the rhythm guitar myself. I am not a great singer so will be considering finding a singer also.  I hope you guys can hear what i am trying to achieve in each demo as i will be uploading around 12 of them through time. My plan is to collaberate with a drummer bass player lead guitarist and keyboard player to eventually re-record all 12 songs.


Looking at you

This girl was someone who i loved when she was part of my life
I dont think that i could understand just what was happening at the time
Keep it in the background
Nothing that i say will ever turn it around
Bring it to the foreground
Maybe she wont talk to me

Dont say anything to me
I love thinking about you
Dont give anything to me
I love just looking at you

This time i aint gonna make the same mistakes i did the first time around
Ive got years that have been taken from me everything had fallen apart
Keep it in the background
Nothing that i say will ever turn it around
Bring it to the foreground
Maybe she wont talk to me

This town makes me wanna run and hide but i aint gonna give it my time
She had turned me on my head but now ive got my feet right back on the ground
Keep it in the background
Nothing that i say will ever turn it around
Bring it to the foreground
Maybe she wont talk to me

Dont say anything to me
I love thinking about you
Dont give anything to me
I love just looking at you
Dont say anything to me
I love thinking about you
Dont give anything to me
I love just looking at you

RealKevM:
Not bad mate, it's nicely produced

jonlint:
Hi Stevy,

Thanks for posting this.  Really enjoyed the listen!  The song is catchy and has good energy.  Here is my feedback production wise first - please keep or sweep:

- There are parts of the song where there are too many words.  I suffer from this too, so I am not perfect.  Sometimes with lyrics, less is more, and the listener can understand more.  E.g. "This time i aint gonna make the same mistakes i did the first time around" - that is a mouthful.  You could simply this for example as follows: "This, time, not gonna make same mistakes, like, first time around"
- I do like the overdubbed oohs and aahhs - adds quite something to the song
- The chorus could do with some spicing up.  The four lines are sung the same.  Maybe try singing the last line differently, or repeating it for one bar at a different register.

Mix wise, it is not bad, and there are is some out of tune singing and guitars, but I would not worry about that.  To me the production is the first priority, and you have a really good song there.  Maybe work on a few things from me and others, and things you yourself would like to change, and work on improving it.  In parallel work on the mixing and keep going!

Modestmouse1965/:
hi Jonathan thanks for the feedback. exactly what i am looking for as i am going to re-record all songs i have written.

cowparsleyman:
Whato @Modestmouse1965/ - Starts off very engaging, nice LVox, hooky, thought the LVox could be up a bit in the mix...

Possibilities for some catch BVox hooks in some of the spaces, but maybe better off leaving the sapces there...

Drop the fuzz gtr @2:02, it doesn't add anything, it would make the return to the Verse more satisfying, if you do retain the solo make it hooky as hell, repeat a motif, so the crowd will sing along with it, or a very simple synth line, possibly from the vocal melody line....

Hope this helps...

Nice work indeed, love the song.

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