What Is to Become of This Earth?

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CaliaMoko

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« on: July 18, 2019, 04:36:36 PM »
I am struggling with lyrics for a new song. What I have so far is pasted below. I don't feel too bad about most of it, but the second set of verses has been giving me trouble. The first set is for setting the stage, speaking in general terms. The second set is for being more specific with examples of the problems. I think I might want to reverse them because of the "has it been too long" question. Or maybe move that line to the second part and put something else in its place. I don't know. My brain hurts from thinking so hard. If you have any ideas about this or any other part of the lyric, please share them. :)

Oh, and the title seems a bit long, but it is the main thought. And sometimes titles are long, so....

I do have a slightly different version posted on SoundCloud.

WHAT IS TO BECOME OF THIS EARTH?

VERSE
Listen to the zephyrs wafting through the trees
Lift your arms and face until you feel the breeze
Look around and take it in before it fades away.

VERSE
Ancient secrets whispered in the sighing leaves
All around the woodland you can feel the grief
What is green and growing now will all be gone someday.

CHORUS
What is to become of this earth?
What disaster will it take before we learn?
If we fail this time, will we get another turn?
What is to become of this earth?

VERSE
Acid rain falls down and slowly seeps inside
Seas of plastic leave the ocean life destroyed
Has it been too long, is there still time to turn the tide?

VERSE
Oil spills, contamination world wide
Will it stop before everything has died
Something about the world going dark? Into a deadly night? A terrible ride? I'm stumped here.

CHORUS

BRIDGE
This is a call to action
We can minimize the damage
We will find, we will find a solution
We can save the planet
We can meet the challenge

CHORUS

Copyright 2019 Vicki Morrison Goble
« Last Edit: July 18, 2019, 05:19:43 PM by CaliaMoko »

kaalbas

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« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2019, 11:34:03 AM »
Great lyrics. English isn`t my first language and I`m no great lyric writer, so i don`t know if you can use this, but I think the title sounds fine and its okay with second verse. I have a tendency, to want too much in a song or overthink things. This have a very clear message.

Paulski

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« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2019, 07:43:54 PM »
I often use a hook sandwich for the chorus and it works great here.
I wasn't sold on this line:

What disaster will it take before we learn?

Are you trying to say "How much more crap can it take?"  ;D

And this phrase "Has it been too long" - maybe sth like "Has it suffered too long?"

And for the stumped line maybe something like:

Can we find it in our hearts to shine a light into the dark, deadly night?

I don't know if a chorus really makes sense after the bridge - the "call to action" seems to tell us what to do, but then we're stewing about it again at the end  ;D

Paul

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #3 on: July 24, 2019, 08:55:16 PM »
VERY worthwhile lyric.  Here are my suggestions for what they are worth.  My notes are in red. 

WHAT IS TO BECOME? OF THIS EARTH?

VERSE
Listen to the zephyrs gentle winds wafting through the trees (had to look up "Zephyrs"  That's seldom a good thing.)
Lift your arms and face until you feel the breeze
Look around and take it in before it fades away.

VERSE
Ancient secrets whispered in the sighing rustle of the leaves
All In the air around the woodland you can feel the hangs a palpable grief
What is green and growing now will all be gone someday.

CHORUS
What is to become of this earth?
What disaster will it take before we learn?
If we fail this time, will we get another turn?
What is to become of this earth?      GREAT CHORUS BTW....

VERSE
Acid rain falls down and from heaven slowly seeps inside    (irony)
Huge islands of plastic leave the ocean life destroyed
If we wait too long Has it been too long, is there still will there be enough time left to turn the tide?

VERSE
Oil spills, contamination world wide
Will it stop before everything our children's world has died?
Something about the world going dark? Will it fade to black Into a toxic deadly ride?

CHORUS

BRIDGE
This is a Can this become a call to action   
We can Will we minimize the damage
We will Can we find, we will find a real solution?
Will it require a revolution?
We Can we save the planet
Will we can meet accept the challenge?     (The whole rest of the lyric was a question. . . I felt that making this a "we can" kind of minimized your message in the rest of the lyric. 

CHORUS

Copyright 2019 Vicki Morrison Goble
« Last Edit: July 24, 2019, 09:05:19 PM by hardtwistmusic »
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CaliaMoko

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« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2019, 11:18:07 PM »
Thanks to @kaalbas , @Paulski , @hardtwistmusic :

Based on feedback here and elsewhere--and my own opinions--I've come to the conclusion this still needs a LOT of work. I'm not sure it'll get done in time for the upcoming album, but we'll see. Maybe it'll never be done....  :P ::)