The Boiling Point

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crystalsuzy

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« on: July 11, 2019, 11:24:20 AM »
Hi Guys,
Sorry I haven't been around for a bit, but my real life took over in some good, and some not so good ways  ::) but things have settled
down a bit for now.
Here's a song I've been working on for a while, but I'm not sure if it's working or not. I'm kind of deafened to it now, so any comments would be
much appreciated. If you listened to my song 'Jody Wilson Raybould' you might recognize the chorus in this, cause that song ended with it...but
I always wanted to use it again as a chorus :D  It has no bass and I'm wondering if it needs one, and if so, would anyone like to try adding one?
I will get to listening to this months songs shortly. :)

https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/the-boiling-point

Polidicks are playing politricks in our fragile world
Hand in hand with the ultra rich in their bubble world
Sociopaths and narcissists, playing chicken games
Fighting amongst them selves, as the planet burns
The boiling point is near….

Hypocrites get their power fix by instilling fear
The worlds in tatters it’s obvious, it’s crystal clear
Cruel Dictators, refugees flee inequality 
Anger and despair, revolution everywhere
The boiling point is near … 

You are our heads of state, bickering about your mistakes
Is this how we want to live and teach our children
You are the leaders of, our country and the world
You gotta wake up, we need our hero’s now?

Children, today we’re going to learn to code!
It’s important for a prosperous future!
Teacher, after that could we learn how to survive in
A civilization threatened by ecosystem collapse,
Rising sea levels, and the resulting geo-political turmoil,
Armed conflict and increasing polarization of ideological
Orientations, and humanities seemingly insatiable appetite
For stuff?
After all, this is our future, not just some coded algorithm!
We’re drowning in information, while starving for wisdom!
Where are the Gandhi’s and the Dali Lamas?
We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking
That we used when we created them. We need to build new
Models that make the old models obsolete.
Hay, maybe we’re the hero’s of tomorrow

One million species face extinction in our fragile world
Environmental disasters all over the world
A total breakdown is coming soon we need a drastic overhaul
The systems melting down, can’t you feel the heat?
The boiling point is near…
 
You are our heads of state, bickering about your mistakes
Is this how we want to live and teach our children
You are the leaders of, our country and the world
You gotta wake up, we need our hero’s now?

1st half of children's lyrics by Nitrozac & Snaggy  :)
« Last Edit: July 11, 2019, 11:39:56 AM by crystalsuzy »

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2019, 02:07:46 PM »
I like your topic. I recently read about the prediction we'd be losing a million species at an unprecedented rate and we have, if I remember right, about 12 years to do something about it.

In my opinion, this song has a strong unstable theme which is well supported with the uneven line lengths and numbers of lines. And, in many places with imperfect rhyme patterns. There are a couple places where you have perfect rhymes (like fear / clear), and I think that works well to inject a ray of optimism or hope into the theme.

In two places you have "world" rhyming with itself. I don't know if this is intentional for emphasis? This is just me, but I personally would prefer to use an imperfect rhyme here to support the unstable ideas in the lines...for instance, "politricks" (awesome word, by the way!) hurting the world. One way to emphasize the point without using the same word twice would be to use a synonym. "Earth" is a good near rhyme for "world", supports the unstable theme, AND provides repetition of the object: world/earth. You could say something like "...on our fragile earth". Maybe. Just my thoughts, feel free to do or not do whatever you wish with them. I enjoyed the listen. :)

Vicki

RealKevM

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« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2019, 08:23:02 PM »
Very heavy lyrics, makes a change to hear a song with some depth. Good work.

shadowfax

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« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2019, 07:52:02 AM »
Another complex piece of brilliance! 8) heavy duty lyrics wrapped in beautiful harmonies..yeah, it needs a bass in there..

MichaelA

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« Reply #4 on: July 14, 2019, 12:38:25 PM »
Another mini rock-opera in one song @crystalsuzy. Poignant subject, although I thought your vocal performance on this was very sweet and clear.

Thought the mid section with the child was pretty funny!

Its  so you this song and nobody I know of is writing quite like this. Thought provoking and entertaining. Great stuff! :)

redrhodie

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« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2019, 07:19:15 PM »
Brilliant. Otherworldly and futuristic, but the future is now, isn't it? Pretty scary. Beautiful to listen to, too. Liked it very much.

Dom Hunt

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« Reply #6 on: July 15, 2019, 09:19:57 PM »
Wow, This is pretty nice, Never heard anything quite like it, complex and thoughtful. Well Done!
Dcj Hunt

crystalsuzy

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« Reply #7 on: July 16, 2019, 01:19:30 AM »
I like your topic. I recently read about the prediction we'd be losing a million species at an unprecedented rate and we have, if I remember right, about 12 years to do something about it.

In my opinion, this song has a strong unstable theme which is well supported with the uneven line lengths and numbers of lines. And, in many places with imperfect rhyme patterns. There are a couple places where you have perfect rhymes (like fear / clear), and I think that works well to inject a ray of optimism or hope into the theme.

In two places you have "world" rhyming with itself. I don't know if this is intentional for emphasis? This is just me, but I personally would prefer to use an imperfect rhyme here to support the unstable ideas in the lines...for instance, "politricks" (awesome word, by the way!) hurting the world. One way to emphasize the point without using the same word twice would be to use a synonym. "Earth" is a good near rhyme for "world", supports the unstable theme, AND provides repetition of the object: world/earth. You could say something like "...on our fragile earth". Maybe. Just my thoughts, feel free to do or not do whatever you wish with them. I enjoyed the listen. :)

Vicki


thanks so much for your thoughtful comments Vicki. I like the "strong unstable theme". I was wondering how the double "worlds" would go over. I did do it purposely, but also wasn't sure about it. I thought of using earth in the first line, and might change it to that yet.
I also thought of using the following lines in the 3rd verse:
 
"One million species face extinction in unstable times
Environmental disasters are such a crime"

What do you, or anyone else think?
I'm glad you liked the song.
 
« Last Edit: July 16, 2019, 01:21:54 AM by crystalsuzy »

shadowfax

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« Reply #8 on: July 16, 2019, 06:59:30 AM »
A question I have regarding the current Global warming thing is, given that we know the Earth warmed up and melted a lot of the ice around 14,000 years ago, ( when we were not there with our carbon emissions ) how do we know that the warming that is apparent now is our fault?

A question nobody seems to ask during TV discussions...

cowparsleyman

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« Reply #9 on: July 16, 2019, 11:48:00 AM »
@crystalsuzy - Hi Suze - great work, You have a style right of your own, that's so cool, such a lot of work in here, can''t think of anything to say production wise, just very clever stuff you do.

The way us Humans ravage our planet is pretty careless, but I'm as culpable as anyone else, I buy milk in plastic bottles, my car has petrol, I fly on kerosene powered planes, I buy a bed made in Vietnam, is it directly as a result of these things that Butterflies face extinction? or is it the same thing as someone who is comfortably off, not thinking too much on how wisely they spend their money, until one day it's all gone, then the focus sharpens...that is, there were lots of Rhinos once, now there ain't, so now some of us are concerned, some aren't.







digger72

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« Reply #10 on: July 21, 2019, 11:37:27 AM »
Hi Suzy,

I like the 60s Summer of Love vibe this has in places.
Seems fitting with the lyrical content.
The breakdown adds a nice depth and contrast.

Thought provoking and well executed piece.

Digger

crystalsuzy

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« Reply #11 on: July 26, 2019, 11:12:38 AM »
Very heavy lyrics, makes a change to hear a song with some depth. Good work.
thanks RKM. I know the subject is pretty heavy but I feel like I need to write something like this once in a while. I usually go for fun and uplifting, but lately I think I've been writing more serious stuff. Must be my mood.

Another complex piece of brilliance! 8) heavy duty lyrics wrapped in beautiful harmonies..yeah, it needs a bass in there..
You are too kind Kevin. I think you're right. A bass would sound great. Do you play bass, and would you consider adding one?

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #12 on: July 26, 2019, 02:39:54 PM »
...I also thought of using the following lines in the 3rd verse:
 
"One million species face extinction in unstable times
Environmental disasters are such a crime"

What do you, or anyone else think?...

I think those two lines would be stronger with fewer words. Like:

One million species face extinction
But no one seems to have jurisdiction


Just an idea....

Skub

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« Reply #13 on: July 26, 2019, 07:06:05 PM »
Yo CS.

This one is very memorable,it gets it's hooks in right from the opening bars.

I love the way you work with your vocal harmonies,very you and very cool.  8)
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crystalsuzy

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« Reply #14 on: August 06, 2019, 11:40:52 PM »
Another mini rock-opera in one song @crystalsuzy. Poignant subject, although I thought your vocal performance on this was very sweet and clear.

Thought the mid section with the child was pretty funny!

Its  so you this song and nobody I know of is writing quite like this. Thought provoking and entertaining. Great stuff! :)

thanks @MichaelA  I wouldn't have pegged this one as a mini rock opera, but guess you're right. Maybe I should put out an album of min-rock operas :) thanks for the kudos on the originality of my stuff...I really don't word at that at all.
I'm curious as to what you found funny about the child speaking? Was it just the way I did voice, or was it what she was saying? :)