konalavadome

over the garden wall

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Rightly

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« on: July 10, 2019, 07:45:44 PM »


My first song in quite s few months.
Music is almost ready
Mainly I'm happy just to be active again

Feedback most welcome



over the garden wall


deconstruction of smaller parts
we're breaking it down once more
with shorter skirts and faster cars
we are filing for divorce
out through the window
to fly or to fall
will we land on our feet
over the garden wall...

moral compass is all askew
it's hard to tell wrong from right
pushing forward we get confused
now don't you cheat on my wife
shake off the slumber
abandon the dream
wilfully wander to
a place we've never been

the time has come to do or die
to give the devil his due
your eyes have died two thousand times
as each one has lived a thousand lives

out through the window
to fly or to fall
will we land on our feet?
over the garden wall...
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2019, 01:36:49 AM »
I don't have any ideas for improvement, but I'm eager to hear what it sounds like. I'm not good with any kind of obscurity; I think I'm too simple minded, but I still like the songs, even if I can't understand them.

This one sounds like it's describing a person who's confused, getting divorced, and maybe the stress is giving him mush for brains so he can't think straight? I especially like the line, "Now don't you cheat on my wife."

I'm sure this isn't helpful at all, but I wanted to make sure you know I'm waiting to hear the finished product.  ;D

Rightly

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« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2019, 11:25:13 AM »

well. lol.
musically this is intriguing. should be ready soon

the ambiguous isn't for everybody and that'S okay
but I like it. I'm happy enough with these lyrics.
I know not everyone will get on board.

This line: "don't you cheat on my wife."
was one that got me going again after a dry spell

I heard it on an episode of
House of cards
when Underwood confronts the fanciful lover of his wife when he finds out he'S been intimate with someone other than her
He says these very words to the lover of his wife
it struck me as simple and complex at the same time.
It made me giggle n stuck in my old mind (not many things do)

I always enjoy your posts CaliaMoko. God bless you.

It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

LukeArmstrongMusic

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« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2019, 12:01:31 PM »
I really like your lyrics @Rightly! :) There are some good rhymings here, even if it isn't 100% rhymes, it will work depending on how you sing it.

The part "moral compass is all askew, it's hard to tell wrong from right" did the song for me. Seems like a person, that is in the middle of a divorce where it is hard to tell if he should sign the papers or not.

I'm intrigued to hear the finished version :)
Where the Hills are young, the Souls are old

https://soundcloud.com/lukearmstrongmusic

Rightly

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« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2019, 01:31:23 PM »
I really like your lyrics @Rightly! :) There are some good rhymings here, even if it isn't 100% rhymes, it will work depending on how you sing it.

The part "moral compass is all askew, it's hard to tell wrong from right" did the song for me. Seems like a person, that is in the middle of a divorce where it is hard to tell if he should sign the papers or not.

I'm intrigued to hear the finished version :)

yes, I think you've got the gist of what it's about.
In a moment when courage is required he's caught off balance,
still he tries to weigh up and get a balanced attitude.

Generally about breaking from the known to the new.
Facing change.
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

Rightly

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« Reply #5 on: July 31, 2019, 10:01:12 AM »
I've worked on it some.
I think it's really shaping up





over the garden wall


   deconstruction of smaller parts
 we're breaking it down once more
with shorter skirts and faster cars
    we're filing for divorce
     out through the window
         to fly or to fall
   will we land on our feet
               over the garden wall

       moral compass is all askew
     it's hard to tell wrong from right
pushing forward we get confused
    now don't you cheat on my wife
      shake off your slumber
    abandon the dream
         willfully wander to
       a place I've never been

the time has come to do or die,
    to give the devil his due
your eyes have died two thousand times
   as each one has lived a thousand lives
          as each one, each one
     each one has lived a thousand lives

       I'm not complaining
      it's par for the course that's all
     there is plenty to see
    over the garden wall

_________________________


@Younger Hills @CaliaMoko
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

Rightly

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« Reply #6 on: July 31, 2019, 12:17:22 PM »
I don't have any ideas for improvement, but I'm eager to hear what it sounds like. I'm not good with any kind of obscurity; I think I'm too simple minded, but I still like the songs, even if I can't understand them.

This one sounds like it's describing a person who's confused, getting divorced, and maybe the stress is giving him mush for brains so he can't think straight? I especially like the line, "Now don't you cheat on my wife."

I'm sure this isn't helpful at all, but I wanted to make sure you know I'm waiting to hear the finished product.  ;D


@CaliaMoko

I read your post more than twice.
I think you underestimate your skills with grasping the ambiguous.
The description of the picture you got from the lyrics is accurate. 

I like to write and perform songs taken from life.
Here the protagonist, narrator or singer is narrating a personal experience which is presently taking place.
He doesn't have much distance or time for deeper contemplation, he isn't regurgitating someone else's story.

It's not a story packaged neatly with a disputable moral.
 It's a song taken directly from one particular, ongoing experience of living.
There are other types of songs which this song isn't.

Your original response was quite thought provoking. I'm thankful for it.
Me articulating a response helps me gain insight into what I'm doing. 
Thanks for that.
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #7 on: July 31, 2019, 12:59:24 PM »
Thanks for tagging me @Rightly . I probably would have missed this otherwise. And, even though the changes aren't extensive, it feels "tighter" now. I expect we'll be able to hear this soon, right??

And while I was typing, you tagged me again!

I have a habit of being unsure of myself. I doubt it will go away anytime soon, but I try not to let it stop me from doing/saying things, especially in situations like this one. I am quite pleased you found value in my observations.

Vicki

LukeArmstrongMusic

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« Reply #8 on: July 31, 2019, 03:39:12 PM »
I like what you've done here! It's not the biggest of changes I have ever seen, but it is enough to make me see the song in another light. Especially the new outro-line you wrote, gave more attention to this line: "your eyes have died two thousand times
   as each one has lived a thousand lives", and made it make more sense. Also that you repeated that last line made it more alive.

Anyway, i'm looking forward to hearing the finished version :) 
Where the Hills are young, the Souls are old

https://soundcloud.com/lukearmstrongmusic

KamInnons

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« Reply #9 on: August 10, 2019, 02:14:37 AM »
There was a lass on the heather
Who tried to find a good bedder
When she looked down
She said with a frown
"What happened to my shoes?"