This is my third time through this before I felt comfortable enough to critique it. Really good (as all your lyrics are.)
Sings easily, well, and with a credible amount of drama. Ready for music. It didn't "hit me hard" the first time I read it, then the second read, (with the additional familiarity) it was better. This time through, it's a home run (or if you prefer GOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLL.)