[CaliaMoko]

I'm working on a challenge song for a small radio station in Minnesota. The challenge topic is "Summer Heat" and, so far, that is the name of my song. I have lyrics, so I'm posting those for now. I do have some of the melody, but it really needs a strong bass line, good percussion and, I think, some, umm, dirty? electric guitar. I can't do that stuff (yet, anyway), so I can't demonstrate what I'm hearing in my head.

So, any ideas for lyric improvements? I'm not trying to tell a complete story, but just give an impression or mood of a young woman who is frustrated by male-dominated culture and fighting back the best way she knows how...which is kind of playing right into the culture, in a way, because she doesn't know any better. Yet. I don't know if that idea comes across or not. Anyway, I welcome any thoughts.

Summer Heat

Sissy ain’t a bad girl
She’s just suff’rin’ from the Summer Heat
Summer Heat!
Summer Heat!

Sissy likes to play a lot
And likes to show off what she’s got
Especially in the Summer Heat

Bikini body on the beach
She likes to tease just out of reach
Especially in the Summer Heat.

Sissy ain’t a bad girl
Survivin’ in a man’s world
Using just the tools she knows
Her hair, her shoes, her skimpy clothes
Especially in the Summer Heat

Sissy likes to play a lot
And likes to show off what she’s got
Especially in the Summer Heat

Bikini body on the beach
She likes to tease just out of reach
Especially in the Summer Heat.

Sissy ain’t a bad girl
She’s just suff’rin’ from the Summer Heat
Summer Heat!
Summer Heat!

[Dogmax]

You're right about the 'some, umm, dirty? electric guitar' thought that reading your lyric read your intro after i'm reading hearing a swaying of coolest, what about the bullshit of a fluenting bitch vocal

Just a thought   

[CaliaMoko]

@Dogmax - I agree about the voice, and mine isn't going to do it justice, so I'm not going to go with the "dirty" guitar. I'll head for more of a folk-y style. Maybe someone else will do a proper job with it some day.

Meanwhile, I've moved this topic over to Feedback on Finished Songs, if you want to hear a demo of it....