konalavadome

Fade Away

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Killjoy

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« on: June 05, 2019, 12:17:25 AM »
Don't really know what to say here... I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years and I guess this is just a portrayal of how I feel. It's not the best quality in terms of recording but I'm pretty happy with how it's come out.

https://soundcloud.com/jake-page-792647669/fade-away

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2019, 12:59:13 AM »
I like it. I have one recommendation. The line:

They say that time's a healer and that I'll be fine

has a lot of words crammed in it (well, so do some of the other lines, but I really noticed it in this one) and you could give it more space by leaving out the word "that" both times:

They say time's a healer and I'll be fine

It isn't needed and just takes up space/time unnecessarily. I tried it and I think it works great without those two that's. :D

That's all I have.

PaulyX

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« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2019, 07:32:51 PM »
You've got the bones of a very strong track here I'd say.  I like the clear contrast between the verse melody and the ascending chorus melody.  It'd be great to hear a better recorded / produced version.  Great voice by the way.
It's all too beautiful.

RealKevM

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« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2019, 03:23:16 AM »
There's nothing like a break up to inspire songwriting :)
Really heart felt lyrics, I love how the verses flow. Good work mate and take care of yourself.